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CindaReally (a Cinderella parody)
Everybody knows the story of Cinderella. That little old Ella was this poor, unfortunate girl living with evil step-sisters and an especially cruel stepmother. But in reality, those stepsisters weren't so evil and the stepmother wasn’t that cruel at all. Everyone thinks that I'm some cruel old woman who just tortured Ella and made her work all day and night for me like a slave, which is a complete and utter lie. Ella went around telling lies on me and that I'm so evil, when really, she's the evil one. She's the one who hurt everyone else. I'll tell you the truth. Here's how it really went down:
One day I was strolling through town when I saw a wonderful young man holding a small, cute little girl's hand (little did I know that that little girl wasn't so "cute" after all). Anyways, me and the man fell in love at first sight and were married immediately. We all got along swell; me and my two girls and him and his daughter. Then one sad day, my husband passed away. I took in poor, orphan Ella and loved and raised her as I did my own children. She didn't have as much work as she made it seem. That was just her imagination running wild as always. She had CHORES, like every other teenager in the world. She helped around the house, like my own two daughters did. It's not like she cleaned the entire house, and did all our laundry, and made our beds for us or anything. No. She took care of her own, like we all did. She got the same food as my girls and me got, nothing more, nothing less. Ella goes around saying how I fed her scraps and locked her in the basement, which she and I both know is not true. She had her own room next to my girls (which she kept a mess, by the way. Ironic, right? How she made it seem she clean so much when in reality, she cleaned nothing at all?) and I slaved over a hot stove all day to feed ALL my girls the same exact delicious food. All she had to do was keep her room clean and do her laundry, which she barely did anyway. Her life was like any other teenage girl's life, and that's how we lived for a while until....
A couple years later, three beautiful dresses arrived in the mail for us. There was a letter in the mail inviting me and my girls to the prince’s ball. JUST US. Ella wasn't even invited in the first place, because she wasn’t wanted there. And even if she was invited, she couldn't have gone anyway because she had homework and chores to do that she decided to put off until that day. She had an entire week to get her chores done and all morning for her homework, but she decided she wanted to socialize with the cat and moan about how hard her poor little life was instead. Yeah, her life is just so hard. She had food to eat and a roof over her head, unlike a lot other people in the country. She was a privileged girl, and was just ungrateful for everything I gave her, and just wanted more and more and more. Selfish and greedy thing she was. Okay, sorry, back on topic. Anyways, when the dresses came in the mail, she didn't even ask me if she could go (granted, the answer would have been no, but still). So instead, she walked around with a nasty attitude all day and slacked off on her chores the entire time.
At the end of the day, as me and the girls were getting ready to go, she decided to ask me if she could come with us. So, as any logical and fair mother would say, I told her that of course she couldn't go because her chores were not complete. How fair would it be if I let her get off easy without doing her chores, when my girls worked so hard to get theirs done in time for the ball? So of course, she got mad and stomped off and threw a little temper tantrum or whatever, and then that was all that happened there.
After that, my daughters and I left to go to the ball to meet the handsome young prince and hopefully (hopefully) marry one of my girls off to him. To be honest, my girls aren't the prettiest girls in the world or the brightest bulb in the tanning bed, so I was going to try to marry them off the first chance I got. I mean, really, beggars can't be choosers.
Any who, I'm not really sure about that whole "fairy-godmother" crap that Ella's telling everybody. She probably made all that up too, just like she did everything else about her life. She just wanted sympathy, that's all. For all I know, she just stole some poor stranger's carriage and found a dress somewhere, breaking the rules yet again Do you know how many rules she broke in that one night? Too many to count, that's how many. Can you just imagine how much she did in all those years I had her? I specifically told her not to leave the house that night, and I just assumed that I didn't have to specifically tell her not to steal either. Disobedient wench! How dare she defy me so blatantly after all I did for her? All I sacrificed? Just so ungrateful she is.
When she showed up to the ball though, everyone asked who this "beautiful" girl was, but I knew exactly who it was the moment I saw her. She walked in like she owned the place; strutting in there like she's hot stuff or something. I mean, really, who the heck does she think she is? The Queen of England or something? She glided through the ball with this charm, and of course captured the prince’s eye. He broke away from dancing with my wonderful daughter (ok, my alright daughter) and went to meet her. I watched them dance the entire night, as she tried to duck and dodge away from view, but she couldn't fool me. She was wrong and she knew it. Then at midnight, I saw her run out, leaving one of those tacky glass slippers of hers behind. She probably left because she knew the party would be over soon and that I was about to come home. Despite the Ella fiasco, I managed to pretty much enjoy myself for the rest of the night.
The next day, as I was cooking a hot lunch for the family, there was a knock on my door and in strolled in the prince and his men, carrying Ella's slipper. I had gotten the paper that day and read the articles, so I knew they were here to try the slipper on our feet to see if it fit any of us. I knew that once they got to Ella's foot it would fit perfectly and they would be married immediately. I couldn't let that happen. The poor prince. How I could stand by and watch him ruin his life by marrying that greedy, deceitful, ungrateful girl? So I thought quick, and did the only thing I could think of to do; I locked her in the closet. Now I know that isn't the smartest thing to do, considering Ella's wild imagination and her tendency to lie, but at the time I couldn't think of anything better and I was kind of pressed for time.
At first, she was a good girl, and was quiet while the prince tried the slipper on the girls' feet and then finally, mine. Obviously, the slipper didn't fit any of us, and when the prince was about to leave, Ella decided that was the right time to make a scene. She started banging on the door and screaming, and eventually the prince went and unlocked the door for her. He knelt down on his knee and put the slipper on her foot, and once he realized it fit, he married her on the spot. I tried to warn him that this girl was bad news, but like any other young fool in love, he ignored me. As they were leaving though, Ella had some nerve to turn around and stick her tongue out at as, then laugh in our faces, like this was funny. It was funny to her, that she just trapped some poor old prince into making her his bride, and ruining his life altogether. And that, thankfully, was the last time I saw her.
So, obviously, I am not the evil one at all. It's Ella who's the mean one here. Can't you see? I am the victim. The victim of a deceitful young girl, who took for granted everything I gave her. She made me look like I was the bad guy; that I was evil and cruel, when really I was just a caring stepmother acting in the best interest for everyone. This is the truth, I tell you; the cold, hard truth about your precious Cinderella. I swear by it.