Morning Sun

November 4, 2010

"One, who acts under the influence of their desires, disobeying scriptural injunctions, neither attains perfection nor happiness nor the supreme goal.”
Unknown author.

My mother stared at me, her face screwed up in sorrow. Her golden eyes resembled liquid so much I would have thought her capable of tears. Grasping her shoulders, I gently, playfully almost, shook her.
Mum”, I whispered softly, “I will be perfectly and utterly fine” It felt odd having to be the one persuading mum, as she had always been so sure of everything she set her mind to…leaving me being the only exception.
Mum cocked her head to the side slightly, and bit down on her lip. Sighing, I could think of no more words to convince her, and I released her shoulders.
The moment I did, dad moved to wrap his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. “It’s almost time to board”, he murmured gently pulled air in through her lips slowly, and then relaxed her tense body. I was pleased to see that if I failed to convince mum, dad would be able to do it in matter of a sentence.She opened her mouth hesitantly, and I could feel the goodbye coming on, when she suddenly clamped it shut and turned to Jake.[Soft Break][Soft Break]Jake was leaning casually on a vending machine, his arms folded loosely over his chest.[Soft Break][Soft Break]As he picked up on mums glare, his blasé expression vanished, and he raised his eyebrow somewhat suspicious, but mostly curious.
Yeah?” he asked after a moment of silence, and I could he began to feel quite awkward under mums glare. Mums scowl darkened slightly, and her words came out sharper than needles- “No doing what you’re not allowed to with Renesmee".
Jake, as I half expected, smiled pleasantly, saluted mum sharply, muttered “yes ma’am’, then turned to me and winked.[Soft Break][Soft Break]Holding back a chuckle, I wondered that his head hadn’t been snapped off long ago. Mum stared at him for another moment or two, as if trying to decide if he was being sincere or not. Perhaps deciding it didn’t matter, she shook her head with two quick jerks to each side, and then turned to me.
“That includes you, Renesmee”, she added hastily, as though trying to use up the last of her stern tone, which was already leaking from her voice.
Her sad expression slipped back in her face, and I saw doubt in her eyes. Stifling a sigh, I turned to dad, directing my thought to him. ‘Tell her something that will make her want to go’, I thought, almost desperately, despite the fact I wouldn’t admit how much I wanted her to go.[Soft Break]Dad nodded ever so slightly, and whispered ‘Renee’ in her ear.[Soft Break][Soft Break]Mum froze, that word having an obvious effect on her, and then sighed. Her eyes moved from mine, then flew up to meet with dads.[Soft Break][Soft Break]He half smiled, and pulled his arms from her waist as though obeying a command. Then, before I actually saw the movement, she pulled me into her arms, so tightly all the air was pressed out of me, and I gasped. Then a laugh escaped my throat, high because of the sudden lack of air, and I tugged back.[Soft Break][Soft Break]Mum paused, then loosened her death hold, but did not let go. Air rushed back in my lungs, and my laughter sided away.[Soft Break][Soft Break]I let mum hold me for another third of a second, and then I wrapped my arms around her. We held each other for about a minute, and I realised I would really miss my mother, and then we pulled apart.[Soft Break][Soft Break]Mum smiled at me, and then silently mouthed, ‘I love you’.[Soft Break][Soft Break]Smiling back, I opened my thoughts and let her read them. As she listened to my thoughts of how I much I loved her and would miss her dearly, and the reminded her that it was only for a weekend and that id be obliged if she left, I was straining all I had in me.[Soft Break][Soft Break]Projecting my thoughts, and not actually touching those I wanted to see my thoughts, was quite new to me, and I practiced it as often as I could. It was a lot more effort than I was used to, and I felt sweat beads form on the back of my neck.[Soft Break][Soft Break]Finally, with a gasp of air, the string of thought snapped back into my head, and mum saw nothing any more. But she had seen all that I wanted her to know. She nodded in agreement to all this, and dropped her gaze so she was looking at her feet. I could see it was hurting her to leave me, but we all knew she could not take me. She could not take me because Renee, my grandmother on my mother’s side, a human still, did not know I existed. Renee did not know that her that she was a grandparent, ort that her daughter was a mother.[Soft Break][Soft Break]But most importantly, she did not know that her daughter was married to a vampire, or that her daughter was a vampire herself.[Soft Break][Soft Break]Mum sighed once again, as suddenly an announcement filtered through the air, informing passengers that plane 673 to Florida was boarding. Mum and Dad’s plane. Come now”, I said lightly, “that’s your cue”. [Soft Break][Soft Break]Dad smiled at me, and wrapped me in a hug, giving mum a minute to sort out her priorities, and then intertwined his fingers into mums. Mum smiled softly, and after a breath, said in a fresh, oddly cheerful voice, “Yes it is’. She looked at dad, her smile now convincing that she was happy to go, then hastily loped her way to the plane, dad matching her pace smoothly. [Soft Break][Soft Break]Jake and followed along, and stoped a meter or so at the departure gate. [Soft Break][Soft Break]As they lined up in with all the other passengers, mum whirled around, and called out loudly, though even I would have heard if she whispered, “Goodbye you two… I will miss you…we will call you as much as we can…I will miss you too Jake”. [Soft Break][Soft Break]She said few more things then finally fell silent, beaming at us. Jake, as I called out my goodbyes, moved to wrap his arms around my shoulders.34[Soft Break][Soft Break]“Sorry”, Jake muttered softly, “But we won’t be calling you”. I could not help but smile at that as I watched mum scowl in Jakes direction, making it clear she heard that, not that I doubted she wouldn’t have. But I also saw a smile tugging at her lips. [Soft Break][Soft Break]Dad was merely smiling, probably at nothing in particular, but at something he had thought of.[Soft Break][Soft Break]Suddenly anger flickered across his face, his smile vanishing as he turned to glare at Jake.[Soft Break][Soft Break]I felt Jake freeze, and then he muttered, almost inaudible, ‘sorry’.[Soft Break][Soft Break]Dad nodded curtly, and then smiled at me as though to assure me all was fine.[Soft Break][Soft Break]But as mum and dad round a corner, I saw dad mutter something to his curious wife, and a crease form above her eyes…then they were gone.[Soft Break][Soft Break]Realised I was still smiling the smile that was not genuine, and I wiped it off. Jake stepped in front of me, beaming just the dad was before.[Soft Break][Soft Break]When he noticed my face, he took hold of my arms. "[Soft Break][Soft Break]What’s wrong?" he asked, his voice saturated in concern. [Soft Break][Soft Break]I pulled my arms from his hands and glowered at him in the most intimidating way I could and hissed, hoping he would answer out of fear, “What was that? What did you think of? You probably just ruined the whole trip for them now!”44[Soft Break][Soft Break]Jake hesitated, an ever-so-slight pause, but enough for me to notice. I narrowed my eyes.[Soft Break][Soft Break]Then he composed himself, and gave me my favourite lopsided smile. “Don’t worry ‘bout that...” he muttered quickly, ‘it’s just you and me from now on…think of that instead”.[Soft Break][Soft Break]In spite of myself, I smiled back, returning jakes smile, and partly because I had been looking forward to this for at least a month now. I stared at him for a long moment, and then with a sigh, I pushed that worry from my head and reached for his hand, which he took the moment I did.47[Soft Break][Soft Break]But then, without being fully aware of it, my thoughts drifted their way back to mum, and I creased my eyebrows in worry for her again. She was going to miss us a lot, and after she see’s Renee, how would she deal with it?[Soft Break][Soft Break]“Do you think she will be OK?’ I muttered aloud. [Soft Break][Soft Break]Jake, as reading my thought, nodded vigorously. [Soft Break][Soft Break]“Yes,” he replied in a sure voice, “Trust me, if we didn’t think she was, we would have move far away long as soon as she was turned. She’s tough Nessie, and I’m sure she will be fine”. Jake said a lot more than I expected him to answer with, and it helped me calm down.
In fact, I did trust him with this, as I only knew mum to be strong. Deepening my frown, I deliberated over this worry, then, just like I had done with the first, pushed it to the far back of my mind, determined not to think of it, but the whole weekend with Jake I had ahead of me instead. “Just you and me” I whispered, echoing his earlier sentence. Jake chuckled, and moved to wrap his arm over my shoulder. Yes Renesmee”, he murmured, “for a whole weekend”. ~

Perched on the sofa, my head resting on Jakes shoulder, I felt rather bored. Jakes head had lolled slightly to his side, as he was asleep, and it was resting upon my own. I didn’t mind that he was asleep at all, and to be perfectly honest, I rather enjoyed being this close to him.
But, although Jake had found calmness, my mind would not stop racing over the look dad had given Jacob, and even mums look, yet, I still could make so very little sense out of it. I wished my mind would rest, but I wanted to make sense of it.
Well, ok, perhaps I could guess what Jake thought, but I dared not to do that.

Because, if I had to be honest with myself, (something that if I did, would cause me to blush deeply), I did what to do what I wasn’t allowed to Jacob. Yes, maybe it was something inside of me that wanted to be that little bit rebellious, maybe just to see what would happen, but there was something...something a little more. My red cheeks burned hotter, flaring even a deeper red, and I felt my temperature go up slightly. With small humour, I realised I was embarrassing myself. But still, I felt a yearning for Jake in that way.
See that was the only reason it bothered me slightly that Jake dozed off. He had not left me much time to pull him into the mood I was in. But, that only brought me back to what I was pondering moments before. Did he or did he not feel the same way I did? If not, it would ruin things for sure, but if not...
With a frown, I realised that I wasn’t going to get an answer to that question with Jake snoring on my shoulder. I looked up, and in the heat of my mild irritation, went to shove him awake, but stopped myself in the act. I couldn’t wake Jake up, not even if I had a good reason. With a long heavy sigh, I relaxed my muscles, pressing my body into Jake’s, and glanced at the clock. 9.30pm. well, I thought myself rather glumly, it wasn’t that late, and I decided I might as well get some sleep if that was all Jake had in mind to do.
But then, as I tried to bore myself into being tired, I knew I was not even slightly fatigued. I sighed again.

Suddenly, a piercing ring shot through the silence. My body gave an instinctive jump, and my head jerked to the direction of noise. There, on the table, lay my vibrating mobile phone. Without a moment’s pause, I slid from Jakes arms, ambling softly to the table the phone was on, and picked it up.
Caller ID told me it was mum. I sighed, and leant my body on the table. Yes, mum would have called the Cullen’s house, La Push, and now, as the cottage, as that was where Jake and I were staying, would have resorted to my mobile, probably slightly on the verge of panic.
Bracing myself for her panicked voice, I flipped open the phone, answering in the calmest voice I could muster.
“Hello, Renesmee”.
Mums answer had surprised me; it was not half as panicked as I thought it would be, if at all.
“How are you?” I said politely.
“Oh”, she answered, in a cheerful voice, “very well”.
After a pause, mum launched herself into a full review of her day. Not truly listening, I made few comments that were appropriate in the times mum paused, but else fiddled absently with a loose string of my designer cardigan.
Mum, eventually, mum wrapped up the conversation by bidding me a good night, and a promise to call again tomorrow. It seemed odd she didn’t ask about my day, but then, I supposed she had spoken a fair bit whilst she called around, and we had been to both those places, and they had probably given a review of our day.
However, I gratefully let her hand up, and with sigh, flipped the phone shut.
Running my hand through my hair a couple of times, I suddenly felt weary. It suddenly felt like it wasn’t just Jake and me, and that mum would check on us any way.

“Hey Ness, you ok?”
I jumped, again, and spun to face the questioner. It was Jake, leaning nonchalantly against the sofa, looking, not as though he had just awoke, but as though he had been awake the whole duration of the phone call. He also looked concerned.
“Hey,” I said, putting my rather low tone into a more cheerful note, “You’re awake”.
“Yeah’, Jake said, giving his eyes a rub, “you really should change your ring tone. It sounds like a fire alarm or something”.
My mood that had just stooped low, suddenly soared higher, and a laugh escaped my chest.
“Yes”, I agreed, and pranced towards him, “It gave me a shock too”.
Jake smile, and held his arms out, in which I more than happily obliged him by placing myself in them. Jake, as I sat on his lap, leant his head on my shoulder. I turned my head right round so I could look at him in his face.
“Well,” said Jake, expectantly, “what was your long sigh for?”
Now that I stared into his brown eyes, my yearning returned. It felt stronger this time. And now he was awake, perhaps I could try to pull him into my mood. As I stared at Jake, my mind working overtime on how to do this, I was vaguely aware of him beginning to scowl. As his frown became more pronounced, I blinked several times.
“Well?’ he said.
This sentence didn’t make any sense, and I was beginning to get the idea I missed something.
“Well what?” I answered.
Jake’s scowl only deepened, but he looked patient.
But I didn’t really want to know what question he asked; I wanted to get him into my mood. My mind worked even harder, as I thought furiously.
“You know”, I said, in a low, husky voice, as an idea struck me suddenly, “you should smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips”.

Jake froze for a moment, and then he chuckled. His lips brushed against my ear, his question now forgotten, and he whispered, “and what is the first?’
I chuckled too, as my lips met with his.
My body jolted in excitement. I got the first part of my ‘master’ plan done, but now I had to work on the part where I had to convince him to go...All the way.
As I kissed him, I began to increase the passion in my kissing. Wrapping my arms around his neck and I twisted my body round so I was now kneeling on his lap, and pressed myself closer to him. By now, Jake had got what I was getting at, and to my horror, he began to pull away. For a moment I tried to hold his lips prisoner to mine, but then let him go in utter dismay. But he did not completely pull away, as his only pulled his face so much apart so he could look at me in the fce, his large hands gently cupping the sides off my face.

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