After THE END: I walk through dark alleys to see if someone will save me

July 22, 2010
By Anonymous

“OMG this is so incredibly cool!” Jason was looking at some weird invention thingy while Nicole was standing there rolling her eyes.
“Nicole do you see how cool this looks? I mean only Carl Vanderbool would know that you need to connect the green wire to the blue and attach the gull pipe here to make the laser perfect! Ahh!”
Nicole just stared at him for a couple of minutes and then responded, “Jason I have no idea what you’re talking about. … I think you need to go back to your therapist.”
“Nicole, you obviously need a super mind to understand this stuff. … Maybe if you actually paid attention in science class instead of reading those stupid books you would know what I’m talking about.” Jason seemed really annoyed and so did Nicole. “Now come on Nicole, lets go look at the time machine.”
“No, Jason, I’m sick of you always insulting the books I read … maybe if you took some time to read them you would enjoy them! Now I’m going to the bathroom.”
“Nicole, grr, well maybe if you didn’t always read you would have some friends!”
“Jason, maybe if your last name wasn’t Looneywarde, YOU would have some friends!”
Nicole stormed off looking for a quiet place to read without a bunch of nerdy boys ogling at her because they had never seen a girl before. She walked through a door, which happened to lead to a dark alley. “Hmm,” Nicole thought. “I wonder if Edward Cullen will come save me.” She chuckled and suddenly saw bright lights and fainted.
“Nicole, are you okay? Nicole, please tell me your okay. … Ugh this is why I should stop saving lone young girls in alleys!” Edward Cullen walked up to Nicole, picked her up and threw her in the front seat of his yellow Porsche and started the car.
Nicole, who had just woken up, started screaming. “AHHHHHHH! I’m being kidnapped, kidnapped by…” She turned to look at Edward. “Umm, I’m getting kidnapped by a guy who kinda, sorta looks like Edward Cullen?”
“Umm, hi, Nicole Carter, yes? Yeah, I’m actually Edward Cullen. You fainted and so now I’m taking you home.” Edward sounded so sincere. Nicole, on the other hand, started laughing hysterically.
“Ha, yeah right, you’re Edward. You know, just earlier today I met Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. Yeah, well since you’re “Edward”, I suppose I’m “Bella”! Yes because when I tell the cops this, they are definitely gonna believe that Edward Cullen from the Twilight series kidnapped me. Oh yes, because it will go over so well!”
“Yo Nicole, you need to chill. Wow, you are exactly like Bella. And hey you should be worshiping the ground I walk on for 2 reasons: 1) I just saved your life in this dark alley; and 2) I’m Edward Cullen, teen heartthrob. What teenage girl wouldn’t worship the ground I walk on?”
“Ugh, I see your head isn’t small.” Nicole sighed and looked out the window
“This is apparently what I get for saving girls in dark alleys. … I should just stop and go back to eating people.” Edward chuckled and kept driving.
Suddenly, there was a rustling in the back seat.
“OH MY GOSH! Edward, where the hell am I?” A sleepy headed Charlie arose from the back seat in shock.
“Woah Charlie, man, where’d you come from?” Edward looked very confused, and Nicole was in silence.
Charlie cried, “Edward, I thought we were in Forks still, and now we are driving superbly fast down a highway?! Please do explain to me what is going on!” Charlie started to look a little queasy.
“Yeah Charlie about that I—”
“Don’t you dare ‘about that’ me, Edward, and who in the world is this?!” Charlie pointed straight at Nicole.
“Umm, hi. I’m just as confused as you are, but I’m Nicole Carter, and ‘Edward’ here captured me and won’t let me go!” Nicole seemed very upset.
Edward said to her, “Nicole, just stop talking. Wow you and Bella are the same.”
Nicole just rolled her eyes when Charlie said:
“I knew it! You’re cheating on my daughter, aren’t you?”
Edward, who looked taken aback, said, “No … umm, Nicole is … well, lets just say she’s a new acquaintance.”
Charlie didn’t look like he believed Edward one bit, and said, “Oh yeah Mr. I-have-an-answer-for-everything, where’s Bella?”
“I sucked all her blood out,” muttered Edward, chuckling.
A frazzled Charlie said “You did WHAT to my daughter?! I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you and I should have forced Bella to go out with that nice boy Jacob instead…” Then Charlie remembered that Jacob turned into a wolf and shuddered. “Why are all of Bella’s friends weirdos?”
“Yo man I was kidding, chillax! Haha, I guess I have a lot of explaining to do.” Edward took a deep breath and was about to start when Charlie’s yelling interrupted him.
“OMG I’m gonna throw up. Stop driving so fast! I need SPRITE! “ Nicole turned to stare at him, rolled her eyes, and went back to looking out the window.
Edward, who tried to sound as sincere as possible said, “Umm, Charlie, we’re in the middle of a highway… where in the world am I gonna get sprite?”
“EDWARD CULLEN I am going to throw up and DIE!!!!!! HELP ME!” Charlie actually looked like he was going to die any second.
Edward paused for a minute. “Charlie, hey man, I just have one small favor.”
“Yes I need to do something for you because apparently YOU’RE the one in need!” Charlie was turning green.
“Yeah, sorry, just one small thing. Can you throw up outside the porsche? I don’t want it to get all dirty and smelly.”
Nicole turned and stared at Edward. “Really? This poor man looks like he’s going to die and you just care about the car?! Wow.”
Charlie finally looked a little better and settled to just having the window open.
“Nicole, I only have half of this one little car air freshener left. … It’s orange!” Edward smiled, but Nicole just sighed, and finally saw a road that looked familiar.
“Ahh finally, almost home. I can’t wait to — oh God. Great, ‘Harry’ and ‘Draco’ are sitting on my front porch, just like they said they would. My night couldn’t get any better!”
Charlie interrupted. “Umm Nicole, do you have a bathroom in your house?”
A flabbergasted Nicole responded, “Umm yeah? It’s to the right when you walk in the door.”
“Oh good, because I’m gonna pee in my pants!” As soon as Edward parked the car in the driveway, Charlie ran to the door, waited until Nicole opened the door, and he ran into the bathroom.
Meanwhile, Edward, Draco, and Harry followed Nicole to the living room. They all sat down on the couch. Nicole went into the kitchen and brought everyone iced tea. Even though they were intruders, she was always taught to have good manners.
After everyone was settled, Edward caught Harry looking at him.
“Why are you staring at me?”

Harry looked at everyone and responded “Er...”

Edward suddenly got excited and said, “Is it because I am so dazzlingly beautiful? Is it because I sparkle and my deathly pale skin is giving off an eerie, luminescent glow? Is it because you know I'm a deadly dangerous immortal who could kill you easily?”

“Ha. No, you have something on your shirt. Wait a minute … Cedric? But you died!”
Edward quickly rushed over to Harry and whispered, “Shh! Nobody here knows me as Cedric Diggory. I’m Edward Cullen.”
“But I don’t understand.” Harry looked very confused.
“It’s quite simple, but let me dumb it down for your tiny brain to understand. Voldemort didn’t kill me; I was placed under the Wizard Witness Protection Program (WWPP) and transported to America to live as Edward Cullen”
Harry nodded, but didn’t look completely convinced. “You’re not telling me something. Wait, I know what you really are. You’re impossibly fast, and strong … your skin is pale white and ice cold …”
“Say it! Say it out loud!” Edward looked at Harry.
Harry waited for a minute and then said, “Polar bear.”
Edward just started at Harry, unsure of what to say. Then he said, “Why don’t we stick to talking about your life? It’s safer that way. What’s been going on with you?”
“Well, you know, I am a moody, angsty teenage orphan with a hero complex and a habit of putting the people I love in danger!” Harry looked very annoyed.

Once again, Edward just stared at him. “Are we related?!”
Harry ignored the question, and looked off into space in deep thought.
Edward slowly walked over to the couch and said to Harry, “I’m sorry you had such horrible nightmares about me.”
Draco started bursting out in laughter.
“You dreamt about Diggory, Potter? Haha!”
At this point, a relieved looking Charlie came back from the bathroom.
“Charlie, please join us while this ridicule continues on.” Nicole didn’t look too happy.
“Yeah Nicole, kinda important conversation here.” Harry said this with a tint of annoyance in his voice.
“Oh yes, please don’t let me stop you from shanghaiing me and then intruding into my house. Please continue!” Nicole glared at Harry, but he continued on.
“How did you know that I dreamt about you? Can you perform Legilimency?”
Edward smiled. “No, I just have a natural talent for reading people’s minds.”
Draco, thinking he could act all smart, said, “Bet you can’t read mine!” He tried to perform Occlumency.
Edward chuckled and said, “My, my Draco, I had no idea you still missed your mummy.”
Everyone, including Nicole, started to laugh.
An angry looking Draco glared at everyone. “So can you read everyone’s minds here?”
Edward thought and responded “Yes … except one.” He looked at Nicole, and everyone turned to stare at her.
Nicole just stared at everyone back. “Did all of you escape from the same mental facility or something?”
Charlie who finally said something responded, “Oh no! If that’s true, my daughter’s married to a lunatic!”
Nicole looked at him and responded, “I was talking about you too, you know.”
Charlie looked offended, and sulked at the side of the couch.
Nicole needed to get some answers.
“Okay first let me introduce everyone, although it seems you three know each other all ready?” She pointed at Edward, Draco, and Harry, who sat there quietly, while Harry and Draco sipped their iced teas. “Charlie, this is Draco and Harry. They are supposedly from the popular book series Harry Potter.”
Charlie nodded. “Okay.”
Nicole looked a little taken aback and said, “Do you have any idea what I’m talking about?”
Everyone turned to stare at Charlie.
“Umm, well no, but this iced tea is really good!”
Nicole looked at him, rolled her eyes, and moved on. “Anyways, I need some —“
She was cut off by the sound of breaking glass, and two odd-looking men burst through the window. One of them was tall with long blond hair and the other was really short with curly black hair. Both were dressed in medieval-looking clothes and kind of looked like Legolas and Frodo from Lord of the Rings.
“Finally we’re here. Sorry, Nicole, we would have been here sooner but Frodo here was hungry so we stopped at some restaurant. I think the name was MacOodles?” An annoyed looking Legolas stared at Frodo. Everyone else turned to stare at Frodo, too.
“What? I wanted the little Lord of the Rings flippy toy. Look!” Frodo looked quite entertained with his toy.
Nicole’s jaw dropped. “Okay first of all, its McDonalds and second of all, WHY ARE ALL OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS FROM MY FAVORITE BOOKS HERE?!”

The author's comments:
Second chapter of After THE END novel

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This article has 1 comment.

on Apr. 17 2011 at 5:34 pm
Hahahaha!! :D This is really good! I especially liked Edward's line: "Are we related?" And hooray! Legolas and Frodo are here! ^-^ Please write more!


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