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My version of New Moon
As I sat in Jake’s cramped garage, I felt strangley whole. As if his bright, white smile and easy laugh had glued together the broken pieces of my shattered life. I felt a unknown love for this young boy who was telling me about something a subsitute teacher last week, a wide, easy grin upon his face. Something about him and his warm despite the rain and his personality drew me in like a drug. A drug that I knew I was addicted to. I needed him as bad as I needed food. He was the only thing that would keep me whole and I grasped tightly and selfishly to him.
Suddenly I heard a honk outside the garage and turned my head. “Pizza,” Jake said, standing up.
“I’ll get it,” I murmured. “You keep working.” I paid the pizza guy hurridedly, anxious to get out of the rain and back to Jacob.
“You like anchovies on your pizza?” I asked quizzically, once I was sitting next to him again.
“Of course. What you don’t?”
“Oh, yeah, I love dead nasty smelling fish. Who wouldn’t?” I joked.
“Ah, you just can’t apperaite their sheer tastiness.” He smiled, cranking something on the bike.
“You know, you are the only person I know that likes anchovies. I didn’t even think pizza places had them anymore.”
“Mhm. Well, most people don’t even try them. Hey, could you hand me a ball pin bracket?”
“Um...?” I asked feeling stupid. His returned smile was like sun breaking a storm.
“The little thing that looks like a paperclip. I think it’s the third drawer, left side.”
“There we go, thats more of my vocabulary,” I smiled and his thundering laugh was like a present on Christmas day.
That was the last time I saw him. Well, no, he didn’t die. But I did. Inside. Again. Just not as bad. For three weeks I called twice a day. When I attemped to go to his house his dad told me he was sick. Everytime it was something different. Either, Jake is at a friends, or he has mono, or something. At first it wasn’t too bad but as time went on I got more and more crazed for his presence.
I hadn’t realized it but I had slowly begun to fall back into my old habits. Nightmares, waking up sweaty. My days returned to its old routiene- attempt sleep, wake up, school, try to eat, homework, sleep again. Nothing was anything. I had returned to my depressed walking zombie stage. A moving person. There was nothing left inside me, except the small hope that whatever was going on would stop, and I could go back to the garage. I could go back to living and being with Jacob Black.
It was Saturday and Charlie was out fishing with Harry Clearwater. I had finished all my homework- even went on the school website and saw what my homework would be for the next two weeks- and finished all that, too. I had done laundry, dishes, swept, and mopped, and cleaned everything twice. I now sat on my bed, and I knew what I would do next.
Hurriedly, I grabbed my keys and sprinted down the stairs. I would not spend another day like this- I needed my safe harbor back.
I pushed my truck to it’s limit- 50 miles- and quickly parked infront of Jacob’s house. It was familar and red and just seeing it again brought back his smile. It was pouring rain, and I was debating what to do. I knew if I rang the doorbell I would get an excuse, so I sat in my truck a bit, wondering.
It was then that I suddenly saw him, or was it him? Yes, I would know Jake anywhere.
But he wasn’t my Jacob. His long hair was gone- replaced with a much shorter crew cut. He was wearing cutoff shorts and a ripped up pear of tennis shoes. But the thing that caught my eye was his chest. He was buff, and I mean really buff. Like those teen hearthrobs you see in girls lockers. He had a defined eight pack and strong arms. He was just as tan as I remembered, but all of this could have been normal. Maybe he just got into weights or something.
The weird thing was that he was shirtless, and it was raining. I had on a sweatshirt and jeans and was in a car and yet I was still chilly. Somehow, he looked totally at ease. Except for... once I looked closer, he wasn’t. His fists were clenched tight, his neck strained, and he walked sitffly. He wasn’t cold, but something was very wrong and the urge to make him feel better overpowered me.
When he saw my car he wheeled around and walked the opposite way- back into the forest.
I quickly got out. Here he finally was- I wasn’t missing my chance.
“Jake!” I yelled, “Hey Jacob!” I ran and caught up to him.
“What.” He snapped back around.
His chest wasn’t the only thing that had changed. His face- it wasn’t the face I knew. It scared me. Instead of a cheery smile, he wore a hard mask, one I had never seen. I suddenly felt like I had done something wrong and I was briefly speechless.
“What- what happened to you?” I whispered into the pouring rain. “I thought you were too sick to come outside, or answer the phone,” I murmured weakly.
“Go,” He said, hard and ice cold. It engulfed me.
“What?” I murmured, genuinely confused and hurt.
“Go away,” He said again, just as morosely.
“Did Sam get to you? Is that what this is? You’ve joined his little gang?” I snapped.
“You don’t know anything.”
“Maybe thats because you don’t tell me anything,” I yelled. I tried to sound fearless, but my attempt was feeble.
“Don’t lie to me,” I said, “tell me. What is going on, Jake?”
“Look,” he sighed, and I assumed tried to say this kindly, “we can not be friends.” But it didn’t come out kindly at all. Instead, my stomach dropped and I tried to keep my footing.
“I- I know that I haven’t wanted you, like the way you want me, but I can change. I mean you- you are the only thing- I just. It kills me. To be away from you and I just maybe give me some time or something...” and I let my stupid words fade into the pitter patter. For a milisecond a flash of pain played across his face, and then it was gone, so fast I wasn’t sure if it had really been there.
“Just don’t,” he snapped. “It’s not you...”
“It’s not you, it’s me right? Are you really pulling that classic line? Really?”
“Its true,” He said, “it is me. I’m not- not good for you. I used to be. I’m not now. It dosen’t even matter. This is over.” He snapped cruely.
“You can’t break up with me,” I blubbered, “I mean, you are my best friend. You promised me, you wouldn’t hurt me.”
“I know. And this is me keeping that promise. So go home. Don’t come back,” and with that he abruptly turned and ran back into the woods where I saw Sam and the others waiting. They had taken away my beautiful happiness and replaced him with a bitter, arrogant, contumelious stranger and as I watched him run away from me all I felt was pure betrayal. But it wasn’t bad as last time, nothing would ever be. Last time, I had everything taken away from me. This time, I only had the last shred of peace taken away. So I did the only thing I could do, I stood there long after he had gone and let the rain soak through my hair, my clothes, and my soul. Now there was abslutley nothing.