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I Cannot Live Without You

‘Let me be with him!’ Jack retorted, briefly tearing his eyes away from his lover’s limp body.

‘No, let me stay with you,’ Gwen prodded softly, placing a hand on his back.

‘Just leave me be. I want some time alone with him,’ Jack said, pulling away from her touch.

‘He wouldn’t have wanted it this way,’ she argued mildly, crossing her arms over her stomach.

What is he thinking? It’s not like he can bring him back! Maybe he thinks his Doctor will come and put things right. As if! I shouldn’t leave him alone though, who knows what he’ll attempt to achieve. But, if he wants a final goodbye with his lover, then so be it. I should at least give him some time alone with Ianto’s body. Jack really does love him, doesn’t he?

~

When is she going to learn and who does she think she is? Ordering me around like that! Can’t she see I need some time alone with my deceased lover?


---Somewhere in the Darkness---


It’s so dark, and so cold, so very cold. There’s nothing here, just darkness. So alone, so dark. It stretches on forever, nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. I’m so alone, so dark, so cold.

~

‘Yes. Ianto would have wanted it this way. Let me be alone with him, I need this, please,’ Jack pleaded, his eyes filling with tears once again.

‘I want to stay with you. You need me, and I can help you through this,’ Gwen prompted, her eyes softening with empathy.

‘I don’t need you!’

‘I understand, I can help. Remember when Rhys died?’ Gwen answered softly.

‘Gwen, listen to me, I need him; when he died my soul died as well,’ I loved him, Gwen; I still do, and I couldn’t even say it to him once...

She doesn’t understand, she can’t! She may have Rhys, but she cheated on him. I may have come from a time of many partners, but I never had anyone other than Ianto. How can you possibly understand?

‘Ianto…’




---Somewhere in the Darkness---

He could hear his name being spoken. The voice whispered and yet was so loud, all at once. They came from the darkness, from somewhere out there, and yet nowhere at all. And the words, the voice; completely familiar, but also so different.

~

‘Just go! There’s no more need of you here!’ the immortal retorted, his eyes revealing anger through all of the pain and sorrow.

‘Jack…’

‘Just go,’ he interrupted.

Without another word, Gwen turned on her heel and strode out of the room. With Gwen gone, Jack glanced back down at his fallen lover.


---In the Mind of a Supreme Being---


He, her master, had programmed her to stay here for awhile, while he took the time to recover. But, her thoughts were elsewhere. She was drawn towards the small planet, Earth, to the well-known city of London. Someone there needed her help, her master’s help. She could feel it, the energy drawing her closer, the feelings of sorrow, guilt and anger, and the hope of a certain someone to put things right.

~

Jack cradled Ianto’s lifeless head in his arms, burying his face in the Welshman’s clad chest. He sobbed violently as feelings of grief and sorrow washed over him, tormenting his mind with those horrible memories.


---Somewhere in the Darkness---


He could feel it, just for a second; a feeling of warmth. It was only there for a second, barely noticeable; nothing more than a candle flickering in the night. Just for that brief period, he felt safe, protected, like Jack was there, comforting him, calming him, helping him.

~

‘Ianto…’ the broken lover sobbed, once again burying his face in his lover’s suit. You loved me, and I let you down. ‘I let them take you away from me,’ he murmured, not actually knowing what he meant by ‘them’.

I let them take you, and it’s all my fault. I need you Ianto, I may have never said it before, but I do. I never admitted it until now, but I truly need you, Ianto Jones, my lover.


---Somewhere in the Darkness---

The warmth enveloped him, and he felt safe. And, despite the everlasting darkness, the cold, the lonely silence, he felt warm-- but only for a second-- because, just like before, it disappeared as quickly as it had come. But, just as everything was fading to darkness once again, he realized that someone was coming for him-- he was going to be saved.


---Back With the Mourning Captain---

He had let them down. The famous Captain Jack Harkness who’d saved so many lives couldn’t save theirs. Not Suzie, or Lisa, not Tosh or Owen, not Grey or Estelle. He couldn’t even save Ianto; his beloved Ianto, who he had cared for so much, but could never bring himself to say those three words.

‘’Just a blip in time’, did you really think that?’ Jack asked sadly, trying to refrain from weeping once again. You were so much more, you are so much more.
‘You’re so beautiful, Yan,’ absolutely gorgeous. And, just for a second, he could almost believe his lover was sleeping. Almost.

I have absolutely no idea whether you can hear me, Jack. But I’ll talk to you now, on the off chance that it helps.

I’m here, Ianto. I can hear you now.

I’ve watched you in your sleep. Did you know that? So many times.

I’ve watched you as well, Ianto, my beautiful Welshman.

With that memory flowing through his mind, Jack thought back to a night a few months ago.

Jack woke up suddenly. He was panicked, and frightened, and his mind was reverting back to the incident with his brother, Gray. He looked around the room, frantically trying to calm down, before his eyes settled on Ianto.

His lover was sleeping with his head on Jack’s chest, and was breathing deeply. He looked so beautiful; so innocent; so young. Even in the complete darkness, he could see him perfectly. His lips slightly curved up into a wonderful smile-- only one Jack got to see. His cheeks were partially flustered from the depths of sleep.

Jack missed him. He missed his Ianto. All of him. Even his tiny flaws. And, after all of it, he knew that he took everything for granted.

He’d lost everything-- almost everything. He did have the Doctor. But even he had betrayed him. The wondrous Time Lord who could fix anything had failed him. The one time the immortal desperately needed the Time Lord’s help, he didn’t show. He had called him wrong--a fixed point in time and space.

Jack knew he should be strong-- he should hold on, but he just couldn’t. After everything that had happened, he was left a broken man. He was an immortal, broken man, left to drown in his sorrows for eternity. For, he--Jack Harkness-- was finally broken beyond repair.



Even as he heard the familiar whooshing sound fill the makeshift-morgue, Jack knew he would set things right. He had to. Everything was going to be fine. More than fine. Brilliant. For he knew he was going to bring Ianto back-- and this time, for good.



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ellemarie said...
May 14, 2010 at 3:05 pm:
It took me a second to realize you were talking about Torchwood!  Once I realized it, the whole thing made sense! This was beautifully written, and I've never thought of Jack as an immortal, but I guess that that is what he is, no?  Keep writing, that was great!
 
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