Oh help me, Muse, tell the story of the fair hero from Raritan Bay, who saved her kin from an evil toilet. This toilet had been cursed by the god Lavatory, for the reason of its entrance to a dark underworld. With the bright rays of the laughing sun outside on a fine autumn’s day, the hero Hanna, Arkady’s daughter, had awaken to a day filled with boredom and hardship. The maiden had been ordered to do dismal and grievous chores that day, and there was no chance for her to leave and enjoy the cool, fresh air of this day. Her mother, Margarita, had caught the look of longing in her eyes, yet stayed firm with the commandments of the day. She was to wash the linens, scour the oven, cleanse the fridge, dust the piano, polish the silver, and the worst of all, scrub the toilets. By the middle of the day, Hanna’s arms ached and her clothes were rather stained and sullied. She had left the toilets last, dreading the moment she would have to face them. At last, Hanna gathered up her strength, and picked up a brush. Yet, there was something lurking in the toilet, far worse than what Hanna had imagined. With her long brush, she jabbed the waters of the toilet. And the curses of Lavatory revealed themselves! The long, slimy body of a black-green snake slithered hoveringly out of the darkness of the toilet, its tongue flicking back and forth from between the sharp, pointy fangs. Panic had flashed Hanna’s mind, but her wits were still with her. She knew that if she had alerted her kin, they would never use a toilet again, the fear of a snake popping up staying ingrained in their head. She acted quickly, and with one sharp move, jabbed the handle of the toilet, and flushed the snake down the drain. Cautiously, she gripped her brush again, and reached into the toilet bowl again, hoping to get the last of her chores over. Yet, the curse of Lavatory was still upon the toilet, and a wispy, ghoulish looking smoke had emerged from the waters. Again, with her wits about her, Hanna reached for the Drain-O. Pouring it down carefully, the smoke sputtered and withdrew itself. But noises started coming from the toilet, and Hanna was alarmed. It was the god himself, Lavatory, coming from the very same toilet, with a sincere offer to make. He promised to release the curse from the toilet, if only Hanna had promised that neither her, nor her kin ever to go down to the underworld and make any contact with his kind. At this moment, Hanna’s sister emerged from the entrance to the bathroom. She overheard this bit, and became excited at the thought that the entrance to an underworld was in her toilet. Hanna promised, and Lavatory bid her farewell. “Sister” she said, “Listen to me, for I shall not mention it again. Do not go down into the toilet or make any contact with the underworld beneath it.” However, her sister was mutinous…..
The Evil Toilet
November 15, 2009