5th Twilight: Glistening Sin (Renesmee's Story) Chapter 2

October 25, 2009
By dkA.M SILVER, Vail, Arizona
dkA.M SILVER, Vail, Arizona
8 articles 0 photos 87 comments

chapter 2



Surprise
My eye lids were suddenly drowned with sunlight. It startled me to the point that I had to open my eyes to see what it was. But I guess it was brighter than it seemed . My golden locks of hair were velcroed to my sheets and my fore head was covered with sweat bullets from my previous nightmare. I leaned forward and gazed around my room that had grasped the suns rays almost instantly after I opened my shades. My skin was twinkling in the light and it almost made me impressed to be me, but then I got over my ego. My room was painted a dark shade of purple and fluttering butterflies swirled across my border that was posted at top of my walls. My crib was hand painted by Grandma. It was a bright teal color which reminded me of Jacob and I going to la Push and skipping rocks across the waves. Well mine were rocks Jacob's were boulders. My crib was his muscular figure twirling me round and round. It was his cocoa eyes, his shaggy hair.



My bedroom door was open and I could see the hallway wall outside my room with our family photo hanging on it. Daddy and Mommy were both kissing me on my cheeks. Dad kissing me on the left, Mom on the right. I was smiling in the middle, my hair was flowing down past the cut off of the picture.



I was curious to see if they were out of the bedroom yet. Mom had told me last night that they had somethings to do while I was sleeping. I'm guessing paperwork or something.



"Momma? Are you done with that work you had to do? I'm up!" I whispered this so quietly you could probably hear Auntie Alice walk into the room. I had no reason to yell it. Momma could hear that whisper from a mile away.



"Uhh... just a sec Nessie I need to get dresss... uh get my shoes on. " she said quietly back at me. I could hear a lot to, but I guess my dad said I am a very hard sleeper and never wake up until the sun rises, once I fall asleep. How would he know that? Did he put a air horn next to my ear and blow it or something?



"Ok" I muttered. In an instant they were both standing at my door. Dad smiling wonderfully, Mom as well. I hopped out of the crib and walked torwards them. I hugged them both at the knees because I could not reach any farther. I stared up and saw a smile from both of them. They stared at each other for a moment and then Dad said to her, "Maybe when we get in the car."




Ever since mom learned how too let Dad into her mind, I could never understand their conversations. It made me angry and I stared frustrated at both of them and of course, they laughed, knowing what I just thought.



"It's not funny!" I exclaimed

"We are not laughing at you Nessie." Dad said "It's just we are excited thats all."

"For what?" I asked, curious now.

"It's a surprise." Mom answered with a shining grin on her face.



"Ok well I will get dressed with my new wardrobe and I will meet you outside to go to get some breakfast. I am feeling for a little A positive, hopefully Grandpa has some." I smiled, so did they and then they were gone and out of sight talking in the living room.



I glided towards my walk in closet and was surprised to see what Auntie Alice had provided for me. Ahh Gucci, Chanel, and Juicy Couture filled the air. I could not believe all the new clothing that was in there. I decided to go with something casual. Chanel boots, Gucci skinny jeans, and a Juicy Couture top with a white tiger imprinted on it fit the bill.


I slid off my pajamas and something shiny caught my eye. It was the heart locket my mom had gotten for me for Christmas last year which dangled around my pale neck. I adored that piece and would just crumble if I lost it. I slid on my clothes and snatched my pack that I wore everywhere I went. Ever since my mom gave it to me on that day of misery when the Volturi came, it was cemented to my back.


I walked out of my room and into the hallway to see Mom and Dad waiting for me. They were sitting in the cozy seat and they had the fire going. It was so warm compared to the weather we had been having. These snow storms were crazy.


"Ready Ness?" Daddy asked as he reached out for me to grab his hand.

I did and then exclaimed,"Always."



He grinned and then slung me onto his back. We flew out our wooden door and raced to the mansion. The freezing cold nipped my nose and it felt nice at first but then it became just plain cold. Mom was right behind me drifting back and forward, left to right. It seemed like she was having fun. I know I was having fun watching her.



The temperature outside made Daddy's skin feel warm it felt so warm it was comforting. He turned around and laughed. He had just heard me. Gosh I need to keep my thoughts to a minimum. It must be hard for him to listen to every single persons thoughts and their voices when they speak out loud. I wonder how bad it is at a restaurant. He turned around and grinned again."You can tune the voices out sometimes if they are not to loquacious." I laughed really hard on that one.


We were almost to the mansion when Mom started to speed up and shouted, "Catch me if you can!"
Dad shot back a grin and said, "I'l try not to embarrass you love."
So then it was on. Mom and Dad were neck and neck for a while but on the last stretch of land, Dad push it even harder and Mom could not keep up, Dad won.


"Veterans luck." My mom said under her breath.

"No, just years of practice, you''ll get it love" he answered.


As the bickering was happening we appeared at the front step of the house. I jumped off his back and opened the door myself. This was my house too. Grandpa was watching football with Uncle Em and they were so into it they had not even noticed us walking threw the door. Aunt Rosie was reading some magazine that had a picture of Taylor Swift on the front cover. Then of course Auntie Alice was running downstairs to greet us,"Hey Bella, hey Edward, why hello Renesmee how are you? I heard that you had a surprise toda. That I had no idea about." That last part she glared at Daddy, and he grinned. Jacob I guess was stalking us from behind because he flew threw the door. "Ok, ya ready?" He asked. "Wait you told the dog and not me?" Alice was fuming.

"Well Alice the only reason he knew before you is that he thought of the idea." Answered Daddy with a puzzeled look.
"Wow I never knew he had the brains to think this one up. Good job Scooby -Doo." Aunite Alice never seemed to like Jacob and I never knew why.

"They just like to have creative discussions thats all." Daddy whispered to me.

I nodded my head and then said to everyone epescially Auntie Alice and Jake, "Sorry to interrupt but I am really hungry."
In an instant Grandpa was standing next to me. He took my hand and led me to the kitchen. He sat me down on one of the stools that was seated by the bar and asked me, " What can I get you nessie?"

"Well I would enjoy some A positive please." I said with my hand on my tummy I was always hungry at this house.

"You are just in luck my darling. I just picked some up at the hospital yesterday." As Grandpa was talking, he got out a steel cup and a blood packet from the cupboard . He then opened the packet and slowly poured the blood into the cup without any hesitation. I stared at the red liquid as it slid out of the bag it was in. It looked like silk as it smoothly poured.

I had the urge to ask Grandpa something for a very long time. I decided right now was the perfect time to do so,"Grandpa, if you never leave this house except for work and hunting how do you relax?"

He chuckled at my random question and then replied with, "Well Ness, I know it sounds odd but hunting is my relaxation. The ability to run as fast as my legs will take me is the only way I can let go of everything I am stressed about . Just being able to do whatever on my own time is wonderful. Letting go of the thirst that us as good vampires have to cope with is like releasing pressure from a balloon that is about to burst." He said this so calm that it was surprising that he actually was saying those words. If you were not listening to what he was saying you might have thought he was just telling you what football team was playing tonight on T.V.

That was all we said as I slurped down the blood slowly. After I was Finished I got up and me, Mom, Jacob, and Daddy left to go see my surprise














   



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This article has 107 comments.


on Nov. 5 2015 at 1:30 pm
eitbse@ew BRONZE, Plaquemine, Louisiana
1 article 0 photos 3 comments
“5th Twilight: Glistering Sin” Your story has great details, you describe what’s happening so well. You have so so much description that I could image a picture in my head.

dkA.M SILVER said...
on Nov. 6 2013 at 4:15 pm
dkA.M SILVER, Vail, Arizona
8 articles 0 photos 87 comments
I was so young when I wrote this. I was probably 11 or 12. My grammar and conventions are terrible my god.

on Feb. 28 2013 at 10:55 pm
RayBaytheDinosaur GOLD, Hampton, South Carolina
18 articles 17 photos 159 comments

Favorite Quote:
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Actually that was just the movie. In the book she was the size of a 2-4 year old when the Volturi came.

juneday GOLD said...
on Dec. 6 2012 at 6:23 pm
juneday GOLD, Barrington, Rhode Island
16 articles 1 photo 27 comments
umm...NEED to check your grammar and spelling, rather disorienting...you keep jumping around from a crib, to clothes, to a meal...really confusing.

on Dec. 4 2012 at 7:42 pm
JessicaJay BRONZE, Phoenix, Arizona
1 article 0 photos 2 comments
ugh I did not read through my comment before I posted, sorry guys! *so I was focusing and struggling.. **her shortness

on Dec. 4 2012 at 7:40 pm
JessicaJay BRONZE, Phoenix, Arizona
1 article 0 photos 2 comments
This confused me..so I focusing and struggling on trying to follow the story instead of just letting it flow in and out of my mind. First off, you mention her room and her crib and her short she is implying her young age. However you go on to describe how she has gucci and juicy, poular designers for TEENAGERS in her closet. I felt like you were not letting the story flow freely. Try thinking up your own love story with supernatural characters where your writing style is not compared to a well-know and recognized author...be orginal and I think you will get more positive feedback(: -good luck, girl!

jenzfreetaxi said...
on Nov. 17 2012 at 11:52 pm
Cute, but there is a timeline problem.  You have her in a crib and talk about the volturi in past tense.  She was about 7 or 8 when the voltouri arrived, so she would not be in a crib now.

on Oct. 16 2012 at 2:31 pm
Killjoy_Parade GOLD, Scottsburg, Indiana
17 articles 4 photos 90 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You got killed. *explody sounds* Chuncks of s*** flying outta you." - Gerard

Very very descriptive! I love it!!!

bluhs said...
on Sep. 22 2012 at 3:28 pm
bluhs, E, Alabama
0 articles 0 photos 111 comments
Did not mean to repeat :)

bluhs said...
on Sep. 22 2012 at 3:27 pm
bluhs, E, Alabama
0 articles 0 photos 111 comments
When Bella becomes a vampire, his skin is warm to her and vice versa.

bluhs said...
on Sep. 22 2012 at 3:27 pm
bluhs, E, Alabama
0 articles 0 photos 111 comments
When Bella becomes a vampire, his skin is warm to her and vice versa.

dotn_me BRONZE said...
on Aug. 23 2012 at 5:38 pm
dotn_me BRONZE, Camarillo, California
2 articles 0 photos 23 comments
sorry to say but you're sorta trying to choke out stephanie meyers...there are some grammatical flaws but good effort.

on Jul. 29 2012 at 9:01 am
drmstarlet21 GOLD, Matthews, North Carolina
13 articles 0 photos 76 comments
I agree, it was kind of all over the place. A couple things to work on would be flow and realistic dialogue. I just couldn't see anyone much less those characters saying a lot of what you wrote. Remember how they interact in the books and then think of what you and your friends or family might say to each other in the situations you're writing about, that might help. It's also very choppy and doesn't really come together. Just try to work on making the different paragraphs flow because right now your thoughts seem to be jumping around. Also, work on spelling and grammar. Once you get used to all the weird rules in the English language, it'll get easier.

on Jul. 29 2012 at 8:54 am
drmstarlet21 GOLD, Matthews, North Carolina
13 articles 0 photos 76 comments
Her hair is bronze. She's supposed to have her father's hair color and her grandfather Charlie's curls.

on Jul. 29 2012 at 8:50 am
drmstarlet21 GOLD, Matthews, North Carolina
13 articles 0 photos 76 comments
Think you meant *encore

on Jul. 1 2012 at 1:37 pm
EmilyMadi25 BRONZE, Fishers, Indiana
4 articles 0 photos 13 comments
It was good, but some of your spelling and grammar needs to be checked. Keep writing:)

on Jun. 9 2012 at 5:01 pm
Apollo77 PLATINUM, Brunswick, Ohio
20 articles 0 photos 103 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.”
"Madame, all stories, if continued far enough, end in death, and he is no true-story teller who would keep that from you."
-Ernest Hemingway

Well, i think it is rather awful to take someone else's baby and add on to it, first of all...and i think that you are too structured. You take everything in a linear order instead of letting ideas flow out and then come back to them. Its also always he said this then she replied this then he said that. It was trying too hard to be like stephenie meyers with everything other then dialogue, the imagery sparse and thrown in as an after thought almost. As for the dialogue, it needs to sound like people and not robots... I think that trying to think like someone else is an awfully hard thing to pull off, so find your own idea that can be original and you can pribably thrive. Overall, it was obnoxious to a real stephanie meyer fan and slightly...amateur:(

DejaL11 BRONZE said...
on May. 24 2012 at 7:32 pm
DejaL11 BRONZE, Boston, Massachusetts
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The worst thing that can happen in any situation is failure, but even that isn't so bad. You just learn from your mistakes and try again until you succeed."

" It is better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all"

This was pretty good cx , Stephanie Meyer should have continued the serise or started a new one from Renesme's point of view. It's awesome to see what others have in mind for her storyline. 

M-star BRONZE said...
on Jan. 7 2012 at 10:22 pm
M-star BRONZE, Kalamazoo, Michigan
4 articles 3 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you."- Richard Brinsley Sheridan

Nice! If there was a fifth book, it might actually sound like this.

ClaraW BRONZE said...
on Nov. 24 2011 at 9:23 pm
ClaraW BRONZE, ZIONSVILLE, Alabama
3 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
Yet to be determined....:)

I like your writing...but the story was a bit too unoriginal for my taste. Don't get me wrong, you have an amazing way with imagery and making words flow.




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