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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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This article has 1985 comments.

lucycaps said...
on Mar. 20 2013 at 5:44 am
lucycaps, Brooklyn, New York
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
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hilarious, love it!
YasminL. SILVER said...
on Mar. 18 2013 at 9:36 pm
YasminL. SILVER, Denver, Colorado
5 articles 0 photos 4 comments
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twilight is awesome!!  
Wontgiveup17 PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 18 2013 at 2:17 pm
Wontgiveup17 PLATINUM, Bloomington, Illinois
23 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life beats down and crushes the soul but art reminds you that you have one. -Stella Adler
He who lives upon hope will die fasting.
-Benjamin Franklin
If you're absent during my struggle. Don't expect to be present during my success.

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I love it. So true.
DaGreyHero said...
on Mar. 15 2013 at 3:43 am
DaGreyHero, Yokosuka, Other
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. - Aron de Beaumarchais

(I love sarcastic quotes)

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yup, that about sums it up. Excellent job 
ANeru BRONZE said...
on Mar. 11 2013 at 3:00 pm
ANeru BRONZE, South Bend, Indiana
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"There are things in life we cannot change, but changes us instead."

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This is hilarious. xD
iam4evermyself PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 11 2013 at 1:29 pm
iam4evermyself PLATINUM, Chicago, Illinois
20 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope. It is the only thing greater than fear. A little hope is effective. A lot of hope is dangerous. A spark is okay, as long as it's contained."

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hahahahhahaha omg this is so funny. This is perfect. I lve it so much. 
LivingTheDr3Am DIAMOND said...
on Mar. 10 2013 at 3:18 pm
LivingTheDr3Am DIAMOND, Bedford, New York
53 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Throw me to the wolves and I'll come back leading the pack."

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hahahahahaa GREAT job this actually sums up the entire saga so, kudos!! :)
HeatherPaugh BRONZE said...
on Mar. 8 2013 at 1:40 pm
HeatherPaugh BRONZE, New Palestine, Indiana
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
someday, i'm gonna run accross your mind. but don't worry..i'll be fine. i'm gonna be alright. i'll be over you, and on with my life. take your records take your freedom. take your memories i don't need em. ♥

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VERY funny. i loved it! :) great job!
alexandas SILVER said...
on Mar. 7 2013 at 9:51 pm
alexandas SILVER, Suisun City, California
5 articles 6 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I disagree with your logic and substitute my own."
















-Noah (ME!) [and probably someone else]

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Oh, LOL.  My sister watches Twilight a lot and I HATE it, and this is really awesome and completely disses Twilight and makes it seem actually cool in a way.  The "Yay" parts were funny because you know in the actual thing everything is so depressing that there would never be a single "Yay" in it.  This is overall awesome!
Ghostly-Rose SILVER said...
on Mar. 4 2013 at 11:01 am
Ghostly-Rose SILVER, Easley, South Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Make Life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am?! I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down, with the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon, that burns your house down!"- Portal 2

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I would love to film this! Me and some friends have been wanting to start filming parodies and I saw this and was like "I wanna film that!" and then I saw your comment saying that anybody could. Credit for the script will be giving to you and ill comment on here with a link to the video when it is finished! This made me laugh so much. I dislike Twilight, but this made my day!
loverofWriting said...
on Mar. 1 2013 at 4:27 pm
This seriously made my day,dude. Totally hilarious--except you forgot the part that goes something like:         HORDES OF VAMPIRES FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD: Aaaaagggh! Bella and/or her child may or may not be in danger! We must save them!!!!
Tarrin BRONZE said...
on Feb. 27 2013 at 12:16 pm
Tarrin BRONZE, Craigsville, West Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dating before thinking about marriage is like going shopping without money. You either stand around being miserable wanting everything, or end up taking something that doesn't belong to you.

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This made me laugh so much!!!! that hilarious!!!!
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:09 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
“We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” - Doctor Seuss

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Hahah last one!
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:08 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
“We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” - Doctor Seuss

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this is sad ive stooped to this out of boredom
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:07 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
“We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” - Doctor Seuss

View profile
actually ill leave two more after this
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:06 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
“We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” - Doctor Seuss

View profile
hahaha heres anothere
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:06 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
“We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” - Doctor Seuss

View profile
Heres one!  
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:05 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
“We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” - Doctor Seuss

View profile
haha just because im bored im going toleave seven comments to make it top commented
Kewdee19 said...
on Feb. 19 2013 at 3:56 pm
Briliant! I wish I'd come up with it first, but now I shall have fun sharing it will all my friends that also don't like Twilight :)
Miniterror GOLD said...
on Feb. 19 2013 at 8:41 am
Miniterror GOLD, Yuma, Arizona
10 articles 1 photo 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16

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That is hilarious. I'm not really a fan of the twilight saga, but this is as much as I know about it. It does actually seem to stick to the story line.