Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1768 comments. Post your own!

AmandaheartsonedirectionThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 25, 2012 at 3:03 pm:
lol'd. You are funny!!!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
hopelessnostalgic This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 23, 2012 at 8:59 am:
I love it. Just amazingly accurate and hilarious. I am ashamed to have watched those movies!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Naomi P. said...
Oct. 22, 2012 at 1:46 pm:
Best. Thing. EVER.  
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
hononeko said...
Oct. 22, 2012 at 1:01 pm:
I LOVE this. It's a perfect summary.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
ArtemisArty83This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 18, 2012 at 9:04 am:
Oh, my... I'm a Twihard and I agree with this! I  lol'ed so hard my teacher stared at me like wtf?!?
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
skybeanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 16, 2012 at 7:54 pm:
Haha.... So funny.. :)  
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Alecks said...
Oct. 12, 2012 at 5:45 am:
that is so funny! :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
MarisaCoulterCrazyWriterThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:47 pm:
I absolutely love this!  It inspired me to submit a parody I wrote a long time ago that tooke me like seven months, about the Golden Compass. Please, give me feedback. But this is incredible :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
JadeOcean said...
Oct. 2, 2012 at 5:03 pm:
Very good! A totally good representation of how silly the books were.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
FyndFyre said...
Sept. 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm:
Ha! Amazing!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
The_Quiet_Girl said...
Sept. 26, 2012 at 10:10 am:
Wow.....I had to struggle to keep myself from laughing in the middle of accounting class.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Angel8645This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 26, 2012 at 9:24 am:
This is sooooooo funny!!! My friends and I do parodies and stuff like this all the time =)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
FieryAngelThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 26, 2012 at 9:05 am:
since i am in school i got A LOT of wierd looks cuz i couldnt stop laughing i love this sooooooooo true
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
BlueSunsetThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 26, 2012 at 4:11 am:
Absolutely fantastic! You're very talented! x
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Heather173 said...
Sept. 23, 2012 at 5:48 pm:
Brilliant. 
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
GreyNanD said...
Sept. 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH BEAUTIFUL :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
FreelanceGirl said...
Sept. 10, 2012 at 6:19 pm:
I laughed way more than was probably appropriate . . . this is soo funny!!! And the pathetic part is, it's completely true. I kinda want to get some of my friends to do this with me now! THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS!!!!!!!!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
RavenFlight said...
Sept. 8, 2012 at 3:07 pm:
omg this is hillarious
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
TickTockBANG said...
Sept. 4, 2012 at 4:05 pm:
This gave me giggles :D
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Thatdaydreamer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 3, 2012 at 8:40 am:
aha this is so funny!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Site Feedback