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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1874 comments. Post your own now!

PurpleMoonlight said...
Dec. 27, 2009 at 11:56 am
Lol! I'm not a Twi-hard, but I did sorta enjoy the books. Bella is so whiny, it's annoying. You really captured her in this little paraody. 5 stars!
alex9426 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 26, 2009 at 6:30 pm
wow this was hilarious!!! i loved it!!
Writer24 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 26, 2009 at 2:12 pm
This is a good 5 minute screen adaption. You should make it into a movie and post a link here!
Fayrouz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 23, 2009 at 11:19 pm
TOTALLY. MAKE IT INTO A MOVIE FOR YOUTUBE! have you seen the shortened romeo and juliet play?? you should! you would love it!
NovelistAnonymous said...
Dec. 23, 2009 at 4:55 pm
This was epic!
If this was made into a movie on Youtube I bet it would get 1,000,000+ views.
truelove4ever222 said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Epically amazing. I was doubtful at first but that brightened my day. Good work, buddy! :P
Amour said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 7:02 pm
Awesome!!!! It's hilarious and i loved it. Great job. ^^
AngelDreamer said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Argh, my darned mouse accidentally clicked the fourth star instead of the fifth! This is quite hilarious, and it truly does wrap Twilight's plot up into a few lines. Bravo. ;D
sadimcm said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 9:24 am
Arpanan said...
Dec. 21, 2009 at 10:54 pm
siobhansgrant This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 21, 2009 at 3:13 pm
"Yes, but that was anti-climactic."
love it. XD
millz said...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 9:21 pm
hahahahahahahahahah!!!! Best Twilight parody EVER!
JHale_44 said...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Haha so funny becasue so true!
spiceyredpepper said...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Nicovera said...
Dec. 18, 2009 at 9:51 pm
Oh my gosh, this is perfect! I was literally laughing out loud!
Akio-san replied...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 2:38 pm
LOVEED IT!! It made me LOLZ great i wanna see thi svertion of twillite now
RealLifeNightmare said...
Dec. 18, 2009 at 9:01 pm
I LOVEE it!!! I am a HUMUNGO Twilight fan, and that sounded exactly like something I would say. NO hate there. I sent the link to al my friends and i will make a video also and send it to you!! Byee!!!
sadimcm said...
Dec. 17, 2009 at 12:51 pm
OMG THIS is so funny I LOVE TWILGHT BUT THIS IS PERFECT....... its so awsome!!!Q!
yoursunshinee59 said...
Dec. 16, 2009 at 9:41 pm
LMAO! i LOVED it! I'm a huge Twilight fan, but I'm fine with parodies cause they just make my day! (no hate!) That was by-far hilarious, lol though I think you should put in the entire Volturi thing so it'd be Twilight in five minutes but still catchy!(:
Awesome job!
Truthwillprevail said...
Dec. 14, 2009 at 6:57 pm
oh gosh! I am very very much anti-Twilight, thus, i loved this! and just so you all don't get the idea that i'm judging you for liking the books or movies, or you think i'm dissing without knowing anything about either, i've done my research. I have not and will not read or watch the Twilight books/movies.
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