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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1774 comments. Post your own!

LRachel said...
Oct. 14, 2009 at 3:31 pm:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!! that was hilarious.
 
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Mayolas said...
Oct. 13, 2009 at 8:13 pm:
If you love the Twilight Series, you have to be able to laugh at yourself!
 
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emmatheballerina said...
Oct. 13, 2009 at 1:54 pm:
wow. I was not sure someone could tell 4 vooks in two minuutes great job!
 
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Spellbinder said...
Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:48 am:
I love Twilight, but I think this is seriously funny. xD
 
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Elsa K. said...
Oct. 10, 2009 at 2:31 pm:
YES!
Ha ha ha ha!
 
Warren_Uzumaki replied...
Nov. 11, 2009 at 10:23 am :
i like twilight (yes i'm a dude ) yet that was the funniest thing ive seen in a while NICE!!!!
 
JonasLover89 replied...
Nov. 11, 2009 at 11:45 am :
it's so nice to meet a guy who likes twilight! =]
 
Poems replied...
Nov. 16, 2009 at 12:43 pm :
HILARIOUS!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHaHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHH....gasp*gasp....HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!
 
Garnet replied...
Nov. 21, 2009 at 7:03 pm :
Absolutely hilarious and very witty!
I love Twilight but this was way too funny NOT to laugh at!
 
esist replied...
Jan. 3, 2010 at 12:18 am :
That's was amazing...I just love people who do this kind of stuff to get back at the craziness Twilight set off.
-Claps-
 
Pensivegurl replied...
Jan. 9, 2010 at 7:16 pm :
AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! >.<
 
FinderOfAnswers replied...
May 16, 2010 at 4:09 pm :
hahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha lol that was hilarious :)
 
Inkmusic This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 28, 2010 at 2:43 pm :
LOVE IT!!!! OH MY GAWD!!! XD. My friends are all going to love this, hahaha...
 
monkeyface replied...
Jan. 16, 2011 at 6:47 pm :

this is so amazing i shared it with many of my friends who told their friends bout it.

it was awsome

andu made fun of it...but it was super accurete.

LOL :p

 
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