The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1984 comments.


on Apr. 30 2010 at 9:22 pm
This_rose_has_thorns, Rochester Hills, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
uhhhh... I have three. So, Here they are:
"lead follow or get out of the way." -General S. Patton
Life has no romance without risk. -Sarah Doherty
"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything learned in school." -Albert Einstein

This has to be the best... thing i've ever read!!! EVER! I wanna make a video of this!

on Apr. 30 2010 at 9:19 pm
HeyAmanda SILVER, Rancho Cucamonga, California
8 articles 0 photos 47 comments
ha ha loved it

seapenguin said...
on Apr. 30 2010 at 7:50 pm
seapenguin, Healdsburg, California
0 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm a super hero, but with no powers or motivation.

THIS. IS. PERFECT.

on Apr. 30 2010 at 3:22 pm
chartothalatte GOLD, Cleveland Heights, Ohio
10 articles 1 photo 62 comments
this just about makes. my. life.

juliannaa said...
on Apr. 30 2010 at 11:35 am
juliannaa, Saugus, Massachusetts
0 articles 0 photos 7 comments
Wicked funny! I really liked it :D!

on Apr. 30 2010 at 11:12 am
.A.Silence.in.Winter. BRONZE, Truckee, California
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Those who plants in tears will harvest with shouts of joy." - Psalms 126:5

That was epic.

on Apr. 30 2010 at 10:29 am
annlovesbooks, Walsingham, Other
0 articles 0 photos 7 comments
Hey me and my friends just read this and we were like laughing on the floor it's hallarious!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it I mean WE love it.

on Apr. 29 2010 at 2:56 pm
forgottenpenname GOLD, Troy, Michigan
12 articles 0 photos 147 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Carpe diem."

We should totally do this via webcam. :P

on Apr. 29 2010 at 12:27 am
Prosaic-Scriptor BRONZE, Davis, California
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments
Beautiful, beautiful.

Cuore GOLD said...
on Apr. 28 2010 at 9:53 pm
Cuore GOLD, Saint Augustine, Florida
12 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be the change you wish to see- Ghandi

Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable, but that my dears is called cannibalism and is highly frowned upon in most societies.- Willy Wonka

Bright lights often blind those who can't see. ~

roflmao!!! This is SO funny!!! I've gotta make a video of this :D

on Apr. 28 2010 at 6:45 pm
torilynn400 GOLD, Poughkeepsie, New York
10 articles 1 photo 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself."
-President Franklin Delano Roosevelt

I lvoe Twilight, but there are tears in my eyes right now. AMAZING!!!!!!!!! haha!

Emmaline said...
on Apr. 28 2010 at 11:03 am
Ha ha, so funny! And so true the books are basically that. I read them all and I hate them! Twillight sucks!

Everhart said...
on Apr. 28 2010 at 7:10 am
Everhart, Boston, Massachusetts
0 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am a fat girl, trapped in a normal girl's body."

LOL! I am dying right now! I want to film this!

on Apr. 27 2010 at 9:51 pm
NeverFallTooHard PLATINUM, Hartford, Wisconsin
24 articles 5 photos 98 comments

Favorite Quote:
Reason is powerless in the expression of Love.~ Rumi
Realisim, in painting, is what one wants to see, not what they really see. ~ Janet Fish

Twilight was like my fav thing! And still is! But all these maniacs are bringing the fun out of it!

on Apr. 27 2010 at 7:47 pm
gollyitshannah PLATINUM, Woodbridge, Connecticut
25 articles 6 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"So you want a heart? You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable"

Hahahahaha I laughed so hard at this, thank you! This was hilaroius!!!!

on Apr. 27 2010 at 9:39 am
Pointe2Twilight PLATINUM, Woodbridge, Virginia
23 articles 11 photos 3 comments

This is great, even to a Twilight fan like me lol. If I can find some people to do it, I might attempt to make this into a video.

Amazing!


on Apr. 27 2010 at 9:11 am
Katherine93 GOLD, Liverpool, Other
15 articles 0 photos 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
"the only person you are destined to become is the person that you choose to be" - unknown

I love twilight.....

but this is AMAZING cant stop laughing.

Well Done! :) :) :)


Lucrio BRONZE said...
on Apr. 25 2010 at 10:30 pm
Lucrio BRONZE, San Diego, California
4 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"No cause is lost if there is but one fool left to fight for it."

You're funny...

on Apr. 25 2010 at 6:57 pm
Emma.H.96 DIAMOND, Kalamazoo, Michigan
65 articles 0 photos 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better. -Anne Lamott, from Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life.

LOL! JACOB IS ALL MINE, i WILL SHOOT!

on Apr. 25 2010 at 6:56 pm
Emma.H.96 DIAMOND, Kalamazoo, Michigan
65 articles 0 photos 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better. -Anne Lamott, from Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life.

OMG! Jacob is allllll mine, back away!!!! I WILL SHOOT!!! LOL!