The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1910 comments.


on Apr. 20 2010 at 3:49 pm
BlondeOnBlonde ., Kissimmee, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
NFW! I LOVE THIS ARTICLE SOOOO FUNNY KINDA LIKE THE SPINN OFF OF THE BOOKS BY THE HARVARD JOURNALS.

BryannaJ. GOLD said...
on Apr. 20 2010 at 1:50 pm
BryannaJ. GOLD, Glendale, Arizona
13 articles 2 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."


-Anon.
"What is a Code Blue?!"


- Mr. Crepsley (Cirque Du Freak: Vampire's Assistant The Movie)

Lol very funny! What made you come up with this?

 


on Apr. 20 2010 at 12:06 am
fusrodahsaraaa GOLD, Albany, Other
16 articles 5 photos 47 comments
OMG i laughed so hard i cried. Nice, it makes Twilight seem a whole lot funnier.... :)

on Apr. 18 2010 at 12:40 pm
thelastclarissa GOLD, Worcester, Massachusetts
16 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be. "

hah. so funny! i like twilight, but it has some seriously ridiculous stuff in it... =)

on Apr. 18 2010 at 1:02 am
hes MINE!!! ja;cob is mine !!!

on Apr. 18 2010 at 1:01 am
hes MINE!!!

on Apr. 18 2010 at 1:00 am
omfg that is HILARIOUS!!!

on Apr. 17 2010 at 3:44 pm
Sobriquet BRONZE, Buffalo Grove, Illinois
1 article 2 photos 9 comments
LOL I LOVED THIS! This was brilliant, especially because I HATE Twilight xD

on Apr. 16 2010 at 8:28 pm
SerraAngel GOLD, Buchanan, Michigan
12 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"we have nothing to fear but fear itself".

right now I'm lmao!!!!!

on Apr. 16 2010 at 8:24 pm
SerraAngel GOLD, Buchanan, Michigan
12 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"we have nothing to fear but fear itself".

LOL!!!!! Also Plz check out Eternal night: Capter 1 and COMMENT. :)

on Apr. 15 2010 at 9:06 pm
akwolfchick SILVER, Anchorage, Alaska
6 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Most of what people think and believe and a lot of their quotes comes from what others have said. Funny thing is is that I think I'm the only one who's said this".

Briliant! I'm not the biggest twilight fan so this really cracked me up!

on Apr. 15 2010 at 4:57 pm
HeatherBee BRONZE, I Live In, Texas
1 article 0 photos 1985 comments

Favorite Quote:
Go on and try to tear me down. I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper

Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect

lolol that made me laugh!! ive only read the 1st two books but that was still funny!!!

on Apr. 15 2010 at 8:36 am
AmberAnn_d-_-b SILVER, Laconia, New Hampshire
9 articles 12 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't sweat the small stuff, and its all small stuff."~CFC

Oh my gosh hilarious, I love this. This pretty much captues it haha. I almost cried laughing XD

SandyC SILVER said...
on Apr. 14 2010 at 9:57 pm
SandyC SILVER, Concord, Other
5 articles 0 photos 79 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the end it won't matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away"

LOL....i LUV this...i have been waiting for someone to make fun of the Twlight Saga, an you did it perfectly

robbi BRONZE said...
on Apr. 14 2010 at 7:55 pm
robbi BRONZE, Goldsboro, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
quotes are for people who are too uncreative to come up with their own sources of information.----ME.

OMG that was awesomly perfect! i love twilight, but this was hilarious!: D

on Apr. 14 2010 at 7:07 pm
vampiresrock GOLD, Cornish, New Hampshire
12 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
When life gives you oranges, make grape juice and sit back and let the world wounder how the hell you just did that.

Nice! I LOVE the Twilight Saga, and this was halarious!!!!   I loved it! Kudos to you!

Metree SILVER said...
on Apr. 14 2010 at 10:26 am
Metree SILVER, Machipongo, Virginia
6 articles 0 photos 20 comments
Thank you so much for this gem lol it was awesome

on Apr. 14 2010 at 6:13 am
RosemarieCraig GOLD, Gloucestershire, Other
19 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell."
"The world is not inherited from our ancestors. It is borrowed from our children"

I READ THE SAGA AND LIKED IT LODES FOR LIKE SIX WEEKS! I EVEN GOT A TEE SHIRT! BUT YOUTSYOURS WAS REALLY FUNNY!!!! YOU SHOULD INCLUDE A MOCKING BIT ABOUT BELLABELLS BEING DEPRESSED FOR LIKE THE ENTIRE OF NEW MOON! "IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE PUNCHED A HOLE IN MY CHEST"!!!! HA HA HA U R FUNNY! BTW SOYY ABOUT CAPS, MY PHONE WONTWON'T LET ME WRITE IN LOWER CAPS! 

DaniW PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 13 2010 at 8:30 pm
DaniW PLATINUM, New Bern, North Carolina
29 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.
By Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross

Oh my god... that was hillarious!!! :D My abs hurt from laughing so much! You should totally do this for more series!!!

on Apr. 13 2010 at 6:49 pm
Undiscovered PLATINUM, Trophy Club, Texas
20 articles 0 photos 29 comments
That was hysterical! Oh my gosh! I have been sick and tired of all these nutty Twilight fans that were ruining the book! This made me laugh!


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