Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1857 comments. Post your own now!

NARUTO-FREAKhawkie said...
Apr. 8, 2010 at 8:18 pm
This is soooo much better than the real thing (which i don't like)! and it really sums up the whole saga perfectly. HILARIOUS!
 
SilverLuna said...
Apr. 8, 2010 at 7:56 pm
Love this!! It's hilarious! Great, great GREAT! lol
 
monsterxcities This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 8, 2010 at 7:45 pm
That was hilarious! Loved it :D
 
maritina said...
Apr. 8, 2010 at 7:13 pm
I LOVE IT!! I am sooooo showing it to my twilight-crazy friends! haha
 
SadieSalvation said...
Apr. 8, 2010 at 5:29 pm
ahahahahaha i died laughing!! this is soo perfect :D i don't favorite a lot of things, but i'm favoriting this! A+
 
Artemis_Girl said...
Apr. 8, 2010 at 5:04 pm
lol! that's so funny! I like those books, but this does pretty much sum them up!
 
HopelessSharpie said...
Apr. 8, 2010 at 2:55 pm
HAHHAHAHA. I LOVE THIS. AND TALKING IN CAPS! GREAT JOB. =)
 
thatclarinetgirl said...
Apr. 8, 2010 at 1:04 pm
I'm not a twilight fan, and this was so hillarious i fell off of my seat while reading. Thanks for the good laugh i needed for a long time. Keep writting!
 
Phooh said...
Apr. 8, 2010 at 11:13 am
okay you are my new favorite person ever!!!!!!! ahhhh i laughed so hard when reading this!! I LOVE IT!!!
 
bigdreamer14 said...
Apr. 8, 2010 at 6:54 am
I'm in love with this even if I am a big fan of the BOOK New Moon, not the movie even if I haven't seen this yet. The part that was really funny was the dance-off thing adn when Jacob said, 'I think she meant "bite me"'. U R HILARIOUS! :)
 
thetiedyecrayon said...
Apr. 8, 2010 at 5:21 am
Take that Twilight-lovers!
 
haleyelizabethloveswriting said...
Apr. 8, 2010 at 12:07 am
This is hilarious!
 
stephers said...
Apr. 5, 2010 at 11:30 am
lol i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was hysterical
 
firstsnowfalls This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 4, 2010 at 1:40 pm
hahahaha this is hilarious!  great job.
 
sarahjanesinginrain said...
Apr. 3, 2010 at 9:53 pm
haha so funny. It's extremely accurate to :P
 
foreverwelsh said...
Apr. 3, 2010 at 2:10 pm
Hilarious!
 
Isajo said...
Apr. 3, 2010 at 12:45 pm
HAHAHA! vrey good.. and very accurate :) haha
 
cupcakesNbrownies97 said...
Apr. 3, 2010 at 10:24 am
HA! I love this! Sums it up in a very nice way. EVERYONE should read this!
 
FluteChick said...
Apr. 2, 2010 at 8:25 pm
Hahaha, loved it so much I had to write one of my own. :D
 
ZAVERY said...
Apr. 2, 2010 at 10:29 am

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

Lol XD

 
Site Feedback