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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1769 comments. Post your own!

FlamableFyre This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 5:24 pm:
haha im a twilight fan and this is still hilarious to me. when i say twilight fan, trust me im not one of those fanatics who are all about it, i just kind of enjoy it
 
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MyFairyTaleEnding said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 4:16 pm:
Oh em WOW!!! That was hilarious!!! GREAT JOB!!!
 
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ahs0204 said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 4:01 pm:
Hahahahaha very funny. I loved it because it is very lighthearted and fun. Congrats.
 
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briitttt said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 1:21 pm:
I am absolutely in love with the Twilight Saga and although you are making fun of it, this is absolutely hilarious. Good Job. Future screen-writer? Yeah, I can def. see it.
 
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mikaylamissme said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 10:23 am:
hahahaha i loved it
i hate twlilight, and i have my reasons
but this was so funny
 
Ian J. replied...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 11:55 am :
haha, same same (:
 
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toxic.monkey said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 9:54 am:
this is hilarious... and it pretty much sums it up :D
 
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star_struck_93 said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 9:51 am:
Ha Ha. This is really funny. I like it
 
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MinuteDee,12 said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 9:29 am:
Ha Ha. This Just Made My Day.
I'm Sitting In Class and My Friend and I Read It and Burst Out Laughing.
Veryy Original.
 
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cryingblackeyes69 said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 7:42 am:
That was simply amazing! Well put. I think you did a wonderful job. I laughed throught the whole thing. Keep up the good work!
 
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AmnyR said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 5:55 am:
awesome, i laughed and laughed! this was really hilarious! you should write more!!!
 
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mushroomhugger101 said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 5:45 am:
hahahah nice....very funny because its soooo true!!! i really liked it lol
 
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morgan_michelle said...
Feb. 21, 2010 at 11:07 pm:
lol! I love it!
 
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alwayswriting14 said...
Feb. 21, 2010 at 12:50 pm:
I my gosh that was so funny i was just laughing in my seat the whole time i love the "yays"!!!!
 
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im.sorry said...
Feb. 20, 2010 at 1:04 pm:
lmao that was hella funny
 
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juicyfan6 said...
Feb. 18, 2010 at 6:33 pm:
LOL! Definitely twilight... :D
 
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chelseabo17 said...
Feb. 18, 2010 at 4:19 pm:
HILARIOUS!i luv twilight but thats really funny
 
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Pagerda said...
Feb. 17, 2010 at 12:37 pm:
At this, I shiggled.
Totally a laughable little "script". Never read the books or seen the movies, but this works for me, haha.
 
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jacoblover said...
Feb. 16, 2010 at 10:44 am:
wow...that was FUNNY im still cracking up..i wouldnt say u could challenge stephanie meyer tho...lol good job on making fun of one of the most enjoyed series of 2009...but it was funny...lol
 
twiwrite replied...
Feb. 16, 2010 at 2:49 pm :
lol hahaha i love twilight but you seriously have a point here! great job!
 
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