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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1878 comments. Post your own now!

a1bs2522 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 12, 2013 at 4:32 pm
AHAHHA I love this sooo much, thank god someone agrees with me! And I had thought that all teenage girls were swept up by the "love scenes"...hahaha this is so funny and depressingly accurate. Good work :)
 
bman_h said...
Nov. 12, 2013 at 11:26 am
This is gold. Pure gold.
 
flutterbye1888This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:10 pm
Oh, you make me laugh!!! I loved this, and I'm a semi-Twighard, so I probably shouldn't, hahaha! (I think she meant "bite me")
 
foxy_granny said...
Oct. 30, 2013 at 12:25 pm
why waste your time reading the books and watching the movies when you can read this! This sums up Twilight perfectly. Very funny
 
Buurrry said...
Oct. 30, 2013 at 12:24 pm
Best fan fiction ever! This is perfection
 
fadingintograyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 28, 2013 at 9:46 am
This was more enjoyable than any of the books. :)
 
that_one_brunette said...
Oct. 19, 2013 at 3:18 pm
This is hilarious and I love it XD It's so true though
 
Misha said...
Oct. 14, 2013 at 6:15 pm
OMG this was completely accurate and funny. I think alot of book series can be made into a 2 minute play. I loved this.
 
brianlovesminecraft said...
Oct. 11, 2013 at 11:03 am
    I am going to make this a video on youtube. I will let you know when
 
StarGazer9 said...
Oct. 8, 2013 at 4:15 pm
My gosh what has this world come to X)
 
ilovemycat12 said...
Oct. 8, 2013 at 2:40 pm
i love the Twilight movies! But i didnt enjoy this
 
Yume74 said...
Sept. 13, 2013 at 11:13 am
This is perfect and acurate. 
 
Kingsley-Wynn U. said...
Sept. 3, 2013 at 9:35 pm
As a person who watched the movie and read the book I completly agree with everything in this. Espesially Edward's blinding whitness.
 
NightStalker said...
Aug. 30, 2013 at 10:04 pm
This has been on the most discussed for months, good job.
 
Alabian said...
Aug. 28, 2013 at 8:39 pm
Oh hey, you should do this kind of thing with the Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter or something! This was totally rad!
 
Alabian said...
Aug. 28, 2013 at 8:34 pm
I agree with Katelyn J. I have no interest in Twilight, but this made me laugh out loud! I'll be looking into more of your stuff :))
 
Maiko said...
Aug. 27, 2013 at 3:48 pm
Okay, this has got to be one of the best Twilight screenplays ever! Why couldn't make this the ending of the series~?!
 
Katelyn J. This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 20, 2013 at 4:30 pm
I have never read/watched twilight, and I never will because I hate the ideas, but I love this!!!!!!!
 
PeriwinkleFallsSoftly This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 15, 2013 at 9:30 pm
Ahahahaha. This is so great and funny and creative. LOVE THE ENDING!
 
Christine K. said...
Aug. 14, 2013 at 3:24 pm
Hahaha. LOVE THIS.
 
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