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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1770 comments. Post your own!

BellaCharlie said...
Feb. 18, 2013 at 4:14 pm:
I could not stop laughing!  I loved how you basically burned Twilight, but kept it light and funny. I hope this gets made into a movie someday.
 
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Misskrose said...
Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:04 pm:
This is awesome! I've never read the books and this is like something you'd see in Mad.
 
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Sabeen_YameenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 15, 2013 at 9:18 am:
Nice one. :)
 
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Valiant183 said...
Feb. 9, 2013 at 5:19 pm:
This is great. Love it.
 
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Cate.L said...
Feb. 6, 2013 at 11:37 am:
This is one of the greatest things I've ever read!  I love Twlight spoofs, you should make this into a movie and post it on youtibe, give us all the link!
 
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ChloeHunter said...
Feb. 2, 2013 at 8:24 pm:
Oh man, this is so creative (and hilarious)!!
 
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kmeep said...
Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:02 am:
So funny. I love it!
 
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xXFuentesXx said...
Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:48 pm:
this made me laugh for like ten minutes straight. thank you for making my day. bye~
 
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CherryPieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:03 am:
a-m-a-z-i-n-g
 
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auto_ink said...
Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:42 pm:
y and my friend were joking about the twilight movies and then we saw this. BEST. MOMENT. EVER. xD
 
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Twilightgirl97 said...
Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:55 pm:
haha! I'm a Twilight fan and I still had to  laugh at this haha! This is funny  
 
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Morgan P. said...
Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:09 am:
Laughed so hard XD
 
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OceanStorm said...
Jan. 11, 2013 at 8:21 pm:
This is seriously the funniest thing ever.  I love it!
 
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AllieBear said...
Jan. 10, 2013 at 10:24 pm:
Wow,and when I say that I don't mean nicely.
 
PeytonLovesHarryPotter replied...
Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:49 pm :
Well, THATS not very nice..... If you have nothing good to say, don't say it at all! That's very rude AlliBear.... Awesome! Could NOT stop laughing.
 
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SandyBeachh said...
Jan. 9, 2013 at 1:49 pm:
This is absolutely wonderful. Strange looks come your way when you start laughing hysterically in the middle of a public place. You should make more of these. One on the Hunger Games could be very interesting.
 
WinterFairy replied...
Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:20 pm :
*chants* HUN-GER GAMES! HUN-GER GAMES!
 
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In_Love_with_Writing said...
Jan. 5, 2013 at 1:51 pm:
This was really funny. I've read some of the first Twilight book, but didn't finish or read the others. I guess I don't have to now that I've read this :) And check out some of my stories! Please rate them, subscribe, or comment if you can. It really means a lot and brings a smile to my face each time. Thank you so much!
 
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CherriePi This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:14 pm:
Twilight is SOOOO much more than that!!!!!!!! Have you read the books????
 
CariePierce replied...
Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:22 pm :
Oh, hush. It was a fun piece, nothing more. Don't take personal offense (:
 
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