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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1768 comments. Post your own!

ANeru said...
Mar. 11, 2013 at 3:00 pm:
This is hilarious. xD
 
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iam4evermyself said...
Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:29 pm:
hahahahhahaha omg this is so funny. This is perfect. I lve it so much. 
 
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HeatherPaugh said...
Mar. 8, 2013 at 1:40 pm:
VERY funny. i loved it! :) great job!
 
PeaceLoveCrossCountryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Mar. 10, 2013 at 3:18 pm :
hahahahahaa GREAT job this actually sums up the entire saga so, kudos!! :)
 
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alexandas said...
Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:51 pm:
Oh, LOL.  My sister watches Twilight a lot and I HATE it, and this is really awesome and completely disses Twilight and makes it seem actually cool in a way.  The "Yay" parts were funny because you know in the actual thing everything is so depressing that there would never be a single "Yay" in it.  This is overall awesome!
 
yassmin replied...
Mar. 18, 2013 at 9:36 pm :
twilight is awesome!!  
 
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Ghostly-RoseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 4, 2013 at 11:01 am:
I would love to film this! Me and some friends have been wanting to start filming parodies and I saw this and was like "I wanna film that!" and then I saw your comment saying that anybody could. Credit for the script will be giving to you and ill comment on here with a link to the video when it is finished! This made me laugh so much. I dislike Twilight, but this made my day!
 
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loverofWriting said...
Mar. 1, 2013 at 4:27 pm:
This seriously made my day,dude. Totally hilarious--except you forgot the part that goes something like:         HORDES OF VAMPIRES FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD: Aaaaagggh! Bella and/or her child may or may not be in danger! We must save them!!!!
 
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Tarrin said...
Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:16 pm:
This made me laugh so much!!!! that hilarious!!!!
 
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PeytonLovesHarryPotter said...
Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:09 pm:
Hahah last one!
 
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PeytonLovesHarryPotter said...
Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:08 pm:
this is sad ive stooped to this out of boredom
 
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PeytonLovesHarryPotter said...
Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:07 pm:
actually ill leave two more after this
 
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PeytonLovesHarryPotter said...
Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:06 pm:
hahaha heres anothere
 
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PeytonLovesHarryPotter said...
Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:06 pm:
Heres one!  
 
nikki1 replied...
Mar. 29, 2013 at 12:11 pm :
ABSOLUTLY THE BEST THING THAT I HAVE EVER READ!
 
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PeytonLovesHarryPotter said...
Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:05 pm:
haha just because im bored im going toleave seven comments to make it top commented
 
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Kewdee19 said...
Feb. 19, 2013 at 3:56 pm:
Briliant! I wish I'd come up with it first, but now I shall have fun sharing it will all my friends that also don't like Twilight :)
 
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Miniterror said...
Feb. 19, 2013 at 8:41 am:
That is hilarious. I'm not really a fan of the twilight saga, but this is as much as I know about it. It does actually seem to stick to the story line.
 
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BellaCharlie said...
Feb. 18, 2013 at 4:14 pm:
I could not stop laughing!  I loved how you basically burned Twilight, but kept it light and funny. I hope this gets made into a movie someday.
 
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Misskrose said...
Feb. 15, 2013 at 5:04 pm:
This is awesome! I've never read the books and this is like something you'd see in Mad.
 
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