The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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I want to do this I just need to gather people

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This is the first funny piece I've seen on this website and I must say you did a fantastic job, this made my day. Awesome job man XD

on Sep. 11 2015 at 9:17 am
Rainbow_Princess, Columbus, Ohio
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Favorite Quote:
"I can accept failure but, I can't accept not trying." ~ Michael Jordan ~

I ALMOST DIED LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on Aug. 22 2015 at 5:33 pm
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on Aug. 21 2015 at 1:26 pm
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I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!

on Aug. 16 2015 at 9:32 am
shivusharma BRONZE, Jammu, Other
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wow.... just wow.

on Jul. 30 2015 at 8:18 pm
Timber2141 GOLD, Enterprise, Utah
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This article is brilliant. Nothing else to say. :)

on Jul. 23 2015 at 10:35 am
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM, Durham, New Hampshire
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I loved this so much...and now I feel compelled to read the Twilight saga. Great job. I look forward to more of your work! (Feel free to read and comment on any or all of my (the link to My best piece!)

on Jul. 12 2015 at 2:49 pm
Ianultraman BRONZE, Basking Ridge, New Jersey
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IF there was a replay button I would've hit it so many times... Thank god I have a mouse.

on Jul. 9 2015 at 6:29 pm
writer8594 SILVER, Irving, Texas
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This is too funny!

annycs13 GOLD said...
on Jul. 8 2015 at 10:20 pm
annycs13 GOLD, Davis, California
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LOLZ! This is great!

on Jul. 2 2015 at 12:15 am
Timber2141 GOLD, Enterprise, Utah
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That. Was. AWESOME!!!

on Jun. 10 2015 at 3:02 pm
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Nailed it.

on May. 29 2015 at 11:38 am
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Loved it! Do the Hunger Games next!

on May. 25 2015 at 4:27 am
OnceUponAnEmptyRoad, Wangaratta, Other
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There are no words to describe how much I love this. the best thing ever written. [SLOW CLAP] Brava, my friend, brava.

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on May. 15 2015 at 8:25 pm
Im planing on fliming this in early june! super excited. this is really funny stuff :)

on May. 15 2015 at 5:32 pm
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Favorite Quote:
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I literally am dead. Holy moley, you are amazing!

on May. 3 2015 at 9:15 pm
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Well. I just died. More than once.

on May. 1 2015 at 10:24 am
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I can't stop laughing! X"D

on Apr. 19 2015 at 11:01 am
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This is perfect and I think you are my hero now.


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