The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1910 comments.


on Sep. 12 2015 at 11:36 pm
CheshireKitty1 BRONZE, Terrace, Other
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Favorite Quote:
Music is my lifeline

I want to do this I just need to gather people

on Sep. 12 2015 at 9:44 pm
sharpened_pencil GOLD, Warren, New Jersey
11 articles 1 photo 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life can suck, sure. Mostly though it's a blank canvas. If you want to see something brighter in it, you might have to add it yourself." -Patrick Stump, Fall Out Boy

This is the first funny piece I've seen on this website and I must say you did a fantastic job, this made my day. Awesome job man XD

on Sep. 11 2015 at 9:17 am
Rainbow_Princess, Columbus, Ohio
0 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I can accept failure but, I can't accept not trying." ~ Michael Jordan ~

I ALMOST DIED LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on Aug. 22 2015 at 5:33 pm
CheshireKitty1 BRONZE, Terrace, Other
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Music is my lifeline

LOVING THIS!

on Aug. 21 2015 at 1:26 pm
RainWriter GOLD, Rochester, New York
12 articles 10 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If not me, who? If not now, when?" -Emma Watson, Gender Equality is Your Issue Too, Speech at the United Nations

I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!

on Aug. 16 2015 at 9:32 am
shivusharma BRONZE, Jammu, Other
2 articles 1 photo 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
""..If you love me ..... Just let me know..""

wow.... just wow.

on Jul. 30 2015 at 8:18 pm
Timber2141 GOLD, Enterprise, Utah
10 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?

This article is brilliant. Nothing else to say. :)

on Jul. 23 2015 at 10:35 am
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM, Durham, New Hampshire
22 articles 1 photo 260 comments
I loved this so much...and now I feel compelled to read the Twilight saga. Great job. I look forward to more of your work! (Feel free to read and comment on any or all of my work:TeenInk.com/fiction/romance/article/812903/Love-at-First-Light/ (the link to My best piece!)

on Jul. 12 2015 at 2:49 pm
Ianultraman BRONZE, Basking Ridge, New Jersey
3 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive" - Elbert Hubbard

IF there was a replay button I would've hit it so many times... Thank god I have a mouse.

on Jul. 9 2015 at 6:29 pm
writer8594 SILVER, Irving, Texas
7 articles 0 photos 15 comments
This is too funny!

annycs13 GOLD said...
on Jul. 8 2015 at 10:20 pm
annycs13 GOLD, Davis, California
12 articles 12 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The less you reveal, the more people can wonder.."



-Emma Watson

LOLZ! This is great!

on Jul. 2 2015 at 12:15 am
Timber2141 GOLD, Enterprise, Utah
10 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?

That. Was. AWESOME!!!

on Jun. 10 2015 at 3:02 pm
Columbus BRONZE, Columbus, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Coffins don't have pockets

Nailed it.

on May. 29 2015 at 11:38 am
Musical_Mischief_Mayhem BRONZE, Parsippany, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
Loved it! Do the Hunger Games next!

on May. 25 2015 at 4:27 am
OnceUponAnEmptyRoad, Wangaratta, Other
0 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A word after a word after a word is power."

There are no words to describe how much I love this. This..is the best thing ever written. [SLOW CLAP] Brava, my friend, brava.

alex.paige.m said...
on May. 15 2015 at 8:25 pm
Im planing on fliming this in early june! super excited. this is really funny stuff :)

on May. 15 2015 at 5:32 pm
super.ballerina SILVER, League City, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Emotion is the greatest source of writing."

I literally am dead. Holy moley, you are amazing!

on May. 3 2015 at 9:15 pm
Listenntomusiceveryday PLATINUM, Cypress, Texas
23 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields, and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills, we shall never surrender."
-Winston Churchill

Well. I just died. More than once.

on May. 1 2015 at 10:24 am
Maddie17 BRONZE, Gulf Shores, Alabama
2 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with." ~ Victor Hugo

I can't stop laughing! X"D

on Apr. 19 2015 at 11:01 am
casey_lg PLATINUM, Clemmons, North Carolina
20 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"history, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again." -Maya Angelou

This is perfect and I think you are my hero now.


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