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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.





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This article has 1889 comments. Post your own now!

KittyKat1419 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 23, 2015 at 10:35 am
I loved this so much...and now I feel compelled to read the Twilight saga. Great job. I look forward to more of your work! (Feel free to read and comment on any or all of my work:TeenInk.com/fiction/romance/article/812903/Love-at-First-Light/ (the link to My best piece!)
 
Ianultraman said...
Jul. 12, 2015 at 2:49 pm
IF there was a replay button I would've hit it so many times... Thank god I have a mouse.
 
writer8594 said...
Jul. 9, 2015 at 6:29 pm
This is too funny!
 
annycs13 said...
Jul. 8, 2015 at 10:20 pm
LOLZ! This is great!
 
Timber2141This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 2, 2015 at 12:15 am
That. Was. AWESOME!!!
 
Valentina99 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 10, 2015 at 3:02 pm
Nailed it.
 
Musical_Mischief_Mayhem said...
May 29, 2015 at 11:38 am
Loved it! Do the Hunger Games next!
 
OnceUponAnEmptyRoad said...
May 25, 2015 at 4:27 am
There are no words to describe how much I love this. This..is the best thing ever written. [SLOW CLAP] Brava, my friend, brava.
 
alex.paige.m said...
May 15, 2015 at 8:25 pm
Im planing on fliming this in early june! super excited. this is really funny stuff :)
 
super.ballerina said...
May 15, 2015 at 5:32 pm
I literally am dead. Holy moley, you are amazing!
 
Listenntomusiceveryday said...
May 3, 2015 at 9:15 pm
Well. I just died. More than once.
 
Maddie17 said...
May 1, 2015 at 10:24 am
I can't stop laughing! X"D
 
casey_lg said...
Apr. 19, 2015 at 11:01 am
This is perfect and I think you are my hero now.
 
OfficialIzzyColon said...
Apr. 11, 2015 at 12:38 pm
This is the best Twilight fanfic I've ever read.
 
The_Edge said...
Mar. 9, 2015 at 6:08 pm
Brilliant. I now see why almost everyone hates this series. Thank you for summing it up in a truly awesome way.
 
SkyTekile said...
Mar. 6, 2015 at 1:01 pm
Just.. yes. Just, yes.
 
Ilovewolfhumans said...
Mar. 3, 2015 at 6:30 pm
That was funny and nice
 
The_Girl_of_Many_Words This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 21, 2015 at 3:08 pm
This is freaking amazing. Thank you.
 
Mo-Con said...
Feb. 13, 2015 at 1:52 pm
Dear Author, I shed a tear during this paper Thank you, Mo-Con
 
Amai-kun This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 11, 2015 at 5:24 am
One of the most beautiful things on this earth.
 
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