The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1889 comments. Post your own now!

KittyKat1419 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 23, 2015 at 10:35 am
I loved this so much...and now I feel compelled to read the Twilight saga. Great job. I look forward to more of your work! (Feel free to read and comment on any or all of my (the link to My best piece!)
Ianultraman said...
Jul. 12, 2015 at 2:49 pm
IF there was a replay button I would've hit it so many times... Thank god I have a mouse.
writer8594 said...
Jul. 9, 2015 at 6:29 pm
This is too funny!
annycs13 said...
Jul. 8, 2015 at 10:20 pm
LOLZ! This is great!
Timber2141This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 2, 2015 at 12:15 am
That. Was. AWESOME!!!
Valentina99 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 10, 2015 at 3:02 pm
Nailed it.
Musical_Mischief_Mayhem said...
May 29, 2015 at 11:38 am
Loved it! Do the Hunger Games next!
OnceUponAnEmptyRoad said...
May 25, 2015 at 4:27 am
There are no words to describe how much I love this. the best thing ever written. [SLOW CLAP] Brava, my friend, brava.
alex.paige.m said...
May 15, 2015 at 8:25 pm
Im planing on fliming this in early june! super excited. this is really funny stuff :)
super.ballerina said...
May 15, 2015 at 5:32 pm
I literally am dead. Holy moley, you are amazing!
Listenntomusiceveryday said...
May 3, 2015 at 9:15 pm
Well. I just died. More than once.
Maddie17 said...
May 1, 2015 at 10:24 am
I can't stop laughing! X"D
casey_lg said...
Apr. 19, 2015 at 11:01 am
This is perfect and I think you are my hero now.
OfficialIzzyColon said...
Apr. 11, 2015 at 12:38 pm
This is the best Twilight fanfic I've ever read.
The_Edge said...
Mar. 9, 2015 at 6:08 pm
Brilliant. I now see why almost everyone hates this series. Thank you for summing it up in a truly awesome way.
SkyTekile said...
Mar. 6, 2015 at 1:01 pm
Just.. yes. Just, yes.
Ilovewolfhumans said...
Mar. 3, 2015 at 6:30 pm
That was funny and nice
The_Girl_of_Many_Words This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 21, 2015 at 3:08 pm
This is freaking amazing. Thank you.
Mo-Con said...
Feb. 13, 2015 at 1:52 pm
Dear Author, I shed a tear during this paper Thank you, Mo-Con
Amai-kun This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 11, 2015 at 5:24 am
One of the most beautiful things on this earth.
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback