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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1771 comments. Post your own!

RelativetoWritingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 5, 2013 at 8:36 pm:
If this is filmed. . . .
 
Maiko replied...
Aug. 27, 2013 at 3:49 pm :
The world would erupt in joy?
 
RelativetoWritingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 30, 2013 at 6:25 pm :
Nothing else to say here. 
 
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. said...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:48 pm:
Please do this. Please.
 
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Philia said...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:15 pm:
Nice...and funny!
 
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Sincerely_Savannah said...
Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:21 pm:
This is brilliance! Better than the movies.
 
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Kinzaaa said...
Jul. 23, 2013 at 3:48 pm:
so accurate, I just
 
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nelehjrThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 18, 2013 at 3:05 pm:
Haha! I remeber reading this quite some time ago! rock on! I loved it!
 
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BrandybuckTookThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 9, 2013 at 12:08 pm:
HAHA! I've never read the books but according to what I've heard, this seems pretty accurate!
 
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kamkitThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:35 pm:
My sister and I really want to film this now... lol! This is amazing! :P
 
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Jenna said...
Jul. 3, 2013 at 8:34 am:
That was Hilarious! In my opinion, that was even better than the real thing. I love the dance off part.
 
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writer5This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 2, 2013 at 6:01 pm:
Well that was surprisingly accurate.
 
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thethirdplacer said...
Jun. 27, 2013 at 7:20 pm:
Wow, if only I'd read this before I read all four books. This is kind of perfect.
 
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jKs23 said...
Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:53 am:
That was done well but it needs more detail  
 
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Niquel said...
Jun. 20, 2013 at 11:10 am:
"Please kill me so I can live forever!" Irony... Oh, how I love you, Irony.
 
jKs23 replied...
Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:52 am :
haha me too i  want to bea vaampire soo badly  
 
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literaturepumpkin said...
Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:17 pm:
HAHAHAHAHAHA XD XD this is HILARIOUS XD
 
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Whompingwillow said...
Jun. 13, 2013 at 10:58 am:
ahhaa that was awesomely done ! ;)  
 
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AriaTomlinson said...
Jun. 1, 2013 at 12:56 pm:
HAHAHAHA That was awesome! Loved it, I was laughing all the way through! 
 
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Dr.Ripley said...
Jun. 1, 2013 at 6:07 am:
Love, love, love it. You make the entire series's simplicity and ridiculousness so evident and present it in a funny way. Nice work
 
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