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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1774 comments. Post your own!

PeriwinkleFallsSoftly This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 15, 2013 at 9:30 pm:
Ahahahaha. This is so great and funny and creative. LOVE THE ENDING!
 
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Christine K. said...
Aug. 14, 2013 at 3:24 pm:
Hahaha. LOVE THIS.
 
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MasonM44 said...
Aug. 13, 2013 at 1:43 pm:
This is awesome. My friend and I read it and laughed and laughed. This made my day!
 
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RelativetoWritingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 5, 2013 at 8:36 pm:
If this is filmed. . . .
 
Maiko replied...
Aug. 27, 2013 at 3:49 pm :
The world would erupt in joy?
 
RelativetoWritingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 30, 2013 at 6:25 pm :
Nothing else to say here. 
 
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. said...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:48 pm:
Please do this. Please.
 
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Philia said...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:15 pm:
Nice...and funny!
 
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Sincerely_Savannah said...
Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:21 pm:
This is brilliance! Better than the movies.
 
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Kinzaaa said...
Jul. 23, 2013 at 3:48 pm:
so accurate, I just
 
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nelehjrThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 18, 2013 at 3:05 pm:
Haha! I remeber reading this quite some time ago! rock on! I loved it!
 
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BrandybuckTookThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 9, 2013 at 12:08 pm:
HAHA! I've never read the books but according to what I've heard, this seems pretty accurate!
 
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kamkitThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:35 pm:
My sister and I really want to film this now... lol! This is amazing! :P
 
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Jenna said...
Jul. 3, 2013 at 8:34 am:
That was Hilarious! In my opinion, that was even better than the real thing. I love the dance off part.
 
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writer5This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 2, 2013 at 6:01 pm:
Well that was surprisingly accurate.
 
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thethirdplacer said...
Jun. 27, 2013 at 7:20 pm:
Wow, if only I'd read this before I read all four books. This is kind of perfect.
 
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jKs23 said...
Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:53 am:
That was done well but it needs more detail  
 
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Niquel said...
Jun. 20, 2013 at 11:10 am:
"Please kill me so I can live forever!" Irony... Oh, how I love you, Irony.
 
jKs23 replied...
Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:52 am :
haha me too i  want to bea vaampire soo badly  
 
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literaturepumpkin said...
Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:17 pm:
HAHAHAHAHAHA XD XD this is HILARIOUS XD
 
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