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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1764 comments. Post your own!

Enjeru said...
Mar. 25, 2011 at 12:28 pm:
Most epic piece of literature EVER.
 
LiveInTheMoment replied...
Apr. 16, 2011 at 11:40 am :
AGREED! 8)
 
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JustAnotherWriter This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 24, 2011 at 6:00 pm:
This was hilarious! It had me laughing till the end.
 
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KuroNekoXIII said...
Mar. 24, 2011 at 11:09 am:
This was so great! I cannot stop laughing. It's short, but pretty accurate. Very nice job with this.
 
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Cookie3 said...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 7:36 pm:
Ahahahah! You're a good comedian:)
 
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Kels said...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 3:23 pm:

That made me laugh out loud.

Thank you for posting. :D

 
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jazzy16 said...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 2:38 pm:
lol. that was great! you should make that into a youtube video.
 
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Ashlee H. This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 10:22 am:
Oh my gosh! I can't help but laughing! So true....Good job
 
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charm said...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 1:24 pm:
Wow! I coudn't help but laugh! I was never the biggest fan of Twilight, but you hit everything on the spot with humor. Loved it!
 
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zero_123 said...
Mar. 18, 2011 at 10:23 pm:
ahaha that was so funny! i love this...i really dont know what to call it :) i use to like twilight but dropped it...and now think that this is a good summary
 
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star3x8 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 17, 2011 at 7:38 pm:
This was hilarious and amazing! I'm not a Twilight fan at all and I think it's great! I love the pop culture references, like Bella saying "I'm aliiive!" and the Michael Jackson piece. Keep it up!
 
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JacobG. said...
Mar. 17, 2011 at 10:56 am:
This was awesome. Hi five for the author hope you right another one soon.
 
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bookworm103 said...
Mar. 16, 2011 at 2:03 pm:
Holy crap that is brilliant!!!!
 
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kimgagagaag said...
Mar. 15, 2011 at 9:33 am:
you did very well on this peice i say go on and write more plays=-) lolz
 
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RatGirl15 said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm:
i think i just died laughing,came back, died again, and then repeated the process!
 
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Smartie4Life said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 4:28 pm:
Oh. My. Gosh. I'm not a big fan of Twilight and this just summed up how I feel about that series perfectly! Couldn't stop laughing!
 
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KittyNeko said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 11:22 am:
wow this is too funny! LOVE IT!!!!!!!!
 
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Milly0900 said...
Mar. 13, 2011 at 1:04 am:
I LOVE this!! It's SUPER FUNNY!!!
 
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Littlebit495 said...
Mar. 11, 2011 at 7:48 am:
This is absolutley hilarious! I'm a fan of Twilight but i love the spoofs- i might actually make a movie out of this. :)
 
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AmbersGotIT said...
Mar. 10, 2011 at 6:57 pm:
Even though this is a slam to the Twilight Saga, which is fun every time, it is amazing it's the 2nd top rated fiction story on here. Good job!
 
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VATSVDThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 10, 2011 at 10:34 am:
OMG! That is so funny! I love it!
 
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