The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1910 comments.


on Jun. 22 2011 at 8:05 pm
xKeli826x BRONZE, Middletown, New York
1 article 1 photo 57 comments
lmao! i LOVE you for posting this. its pathetic how so many girls have fallen so hard for a freaking series of books and this just proves it. this is hilarious. :)

on Jun. 22 2011 at 8:04 pm
triplethreat BRONZE, Avon, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A queen is not afraid to fail....," Oprah

I am in love with the Twilight Saga since I first laid eyes on it. This made me laugh cause it's semi true... in a nutshell. It was good and you should SO make a video on Youtube!! XD haha 

on Jun. 22 2011 at 6:42 pm
Lola_Black GOLD, Harrison, Michigan
11 articles 2 photos 276 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I've always been famous. It's just everybody's just now finding out." --Lady Gaga

I must admit, I've been a huge Twilight fan. But, this made me want to laugh my a** off!! By the way, you missed the part where Edward and Bella were screwing and he bit a pillow ; )

Kiba1 GOLD said...
on Jun. 22 2011 at 6:42 pm
Kiba1 GOLD, Cripple Creek C.O, Colorado
12 articles 5 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"Its Not Too Late Its Never too Late.\" \" \'I Cant\' Is Never True\" \"Ill Be The First To Say that Now Im O.K\" \"You Tried To Bring me Down, And You Epicly Failed.\" "Judge me, And I'll Prove you Wrong. Say I'm Nothing? Watch Me Soar."

xxD she needs a wake up call

on Jun. 22 2011 at 5:46 pm
Muslimahsweetheart4ever BRONZE, New York City, New York
4 articles 1 photo 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"And if i has 2 walk a miles 2 find ur smile u noe i would babe!" - Miranda cosgrove

Ok i admit dis

on Jun. 22 2011 at 3:33 pm
Good! She needs too!

rosie93 said...
on Jun. 22 2011 at 2:52 pm
rosie93, Potsdam, New York
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Agreed! That was an excellent line :)

LindsayB GOLD said...
on Jun. 22 2011 at 1:53 pm
LindsayB GOLD, Aston, Pennsylvania
13 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You don't need to be brave every minute of everyday, just a few seconds at a time."

you do know that Stephanie Meyer is the publisher of teenink and therefore probably read this, right?

Babbe2 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 22 2011 at 12:58 pm
Babbe2 BRONZE, Northbrook, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
When Life gives you lemons make orange juice and see if the rest of the world can figure it out
~ I don't know

See and now it makes sense and i respect ur opinion`

on Jun. 22 2011 at 12:37 pm
Arco_Sine BRONZE, Berwyn, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 18 comments
I said that because it uses sophomoric humor to please people. Witty humor, or well though out dialogue is what I respect. So when I see something that only sets out to be poorly polished it bugs me.

Babbe2 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 22 2011 at 10:19 am
Babbe2 BRONZE, Northbrook, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
When Life gives you lemons make orange juice and see if the rest of the world can figure it out
~ I don't know

OMG Bad Script? r u serious? I semi like twilight and thought this was amazing!!!! i know its ok to point out bad things but dont just say "bad script" say way it was a bad script and what the author could do to change it.....btw amazing script loved it :)

ruthiestump said...
on Jun. 22 2011 at 9:57 am
ruthiestump, New York, New York
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Oh My God! This was awesome! It's true and it saved me four books and what is it now? Four movies?

reenay_95 GOLD said...
on Jun. 22 2011 at 9:38 am
reenay_95 GOLD, West Lafayette, Indiana
16 articles 0 photos 87 comments

Favorite Quote:
You can't see the stars if you are always looking down.

OH MY GOD YES.

Aemma SILVER said...
on Jun. 21 2011 at 1:24 pm
Aemma SILVER, Ellenwood, Georgia
9 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe." -Einstein

"A room without books is like a body without a soul." -Cicero

HAHAHAAHA!! OK this was realy funny it had me cracking up like crazy over here. This was so  true! Very nice job ! :D

on Jun. 20 2011 at 11:13 pm
SecretFlame PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
20 articles 1 photo 375 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have a life. I just choose to ignore it."
-one of my friends

This is so true! It cracked me up! I LOVED it! I think it's hilarious, and way too true!

on Jun. 20 2011 at 12:37 pm
Jacy-Lee PLATINUM, Stonington, Connecticut
21 articles 2 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love to learn, learn to love

this is pretty depressing...considering this is all there is to Twilight.

 


on Jun. 18 2011 at 11:14 pm
Lucifersangel123 BRONZE, Livingston, Montana
4 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
We all die, the end- i belive this quote clearly states life in the thinnist so if were to die and then thats they end of the story then i think we should fill it in like authors do in fiction writing
The final line of the chapter is the first line of the next chapter

makes me wanna laugh, most of its kinda true

on Jun. 18 2011 at 12:10 pm
This is infinitely better than the real thing.

Wixkedlovy said...
on Jun. 16 2011 at 9:36 pm
Wixkedlovy, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
It's funny because that is exactly what Bella is like. Unintelligent.

Wixkedlovy said...
on Jun. 16 2011 at 9:35 pm
Wixkedlovy, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
This should be a serious movie...or at least a little video on YouTube.


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