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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1803 comments. Post your own now!

O_oRiet said...
Aug. 10, 2011 at 3:02 pm
I'm sending a link of this to my cousin. She's like, in LOVE with Twilight. I love teasing her about it all the time. This is just too funny. I've read parts of the seriese to check it out, and stuff, and I've read ebough to know that this is better. "My eggo is preggo". . .I had the misfortune of reading that sean (with ony mild horrer). How ever dum it can get.
 
believeinyou said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 11:32 am

this was better than the movie and the books!!!!!it made me laugh!

 

 
abbadoo said...
Aug. 6, 2011 at 10:32 pm
You just spoofed my day. Loved the never ending awkwardness...
 
luvkittehz8P This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 6, 2011 at 4:20 pm

XD I love the Twilight series, and even I found this funny!

"Edawrd, kill me so I can live forever!"
"Okay."

-shoots with a gun-

That had to be my favorite part

 
O_oRiet replied...
Aug. 10, 2011 at 2:57 pm
Definitely! That and "I think she meant "Bite me". Hilarous!!
 
Jaeda R. said...
Aug. 5, 2011 at 10:13 pm
lol. ^-^ that is too funny.
 
Cielo4ever said...
Aug. 5, 2011 at 7:03 pm
Amazing. 
 
mcdonalds lover 102 replied...
Sept. 8, 2011 at 12:49 pm
why in the worl would you saay this is awsome it suxxxx
 
ayeshamuzaffar This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 7:32 am
No it doesn't. We both know that it doesn't . In fact the whole world knoes it doesn't. Twilight sucks. 
 
Hejlna said...
Aug. 5, 2011 at 4:11 pm
I read twilight in about two minutes it was so shallow. youv'e got the plot. LOL!
 
billgamesh11 said...
Aug. 5, 2011 at 2:26 pm
That was hilarious!!!:):):);)
 
Mrs.Kullen This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 12:55 am
LOL like a psycho when i read the ending. love it.
 
Salukin said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 12:35 am
Oh gosh, this is great, totally just made my day.
 
Pinna said...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Brilliant.
 
Peaceandloveforever said...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 2:36 am
i love this :) so funny
 
MoraleAsh said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 5:16 pm
I love love love the sarcasm. It was perfect!
 
ninjasistanumbaone said...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 8:36 pm
very nice...lol:]
 
ForeverDreamLand0724 said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 10:42 pm
Lmao This Is Halarious ( :
 
TAR11 said...
Jul. 19, 2011 at 6:41 am
Cool story please check mine out if you get the chance. 
 
rebthewriter said...
Jul. 18, 2011 at 7:28 pm
LOL!!!this story is hilarious!! i laughed soo much, my family all stared at me like i was a moron :) ps-this would be like the epic-est movie ever XD
 
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