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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1776 comments. Post your own now!

TophBei-Fong said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 5:21 am
Omg favorite part: JACOB face-palms
LMFBO
 
Wildflower30 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 3:16 am
This is... fabulous!!!!!
 
AheartWithaLove said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 2:14 am
i love this. you summed it all up!!!
 
JenelleMarie123 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 1:41 am
Yes it was funnny and yes it was well written....BUT i love the Twilight saga so i wag my finger at you. SHAME ON YOU!!! Lol jkjk[:
 
kittykittygurl This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 1:24 am
This is just great! So funny and yet brutally honest. A once die hard twilight fan myself, I find this extremely amusing. Kudos!
 
angelwings14 said...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 11:01 pm
I have to admit it was funny bt i wish u would have edit it better and make the story make more sense
 
topofmylungs said...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 8:43 pm
This is amazing. Can't even put this into words.
 
KatrinaCampbell said...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 5:23 pm
Looove ittt :D
 
kitkatt2136 said...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 12:53 pm
I <3 this!!!
 
redhairCatThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 1:20 pm
sooooooooooo hilarious!
 
holagirl78 said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 8:51 pm
LOL you should so do this with more book series! xD
 
cdbates replied...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 2:41 pm
ooh!  I agree.  I'd love to see harry potter summed up this way! :)
 
holagirl78 replied...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 4:12 pm
         xD
 
YAY! said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 12:18 pm
AMAZING
 
swiftstar10123 said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 10:49 pm
BWAHAHAHAHA. I read the first three Twilights and hated them, (I myself am a Potterhead) and I think this is HYSTERICAL. You nailed it! 
 
Dia.dreamer said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 10:02 am
GAWD THIS IS SOO HILARIOUS!!! I read this before but I think I forgot to post a comment...anyway, "my eggo is preggo" - HAHAHAHAHAHA
 
Girl_on_Fire said...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm
I'm a Twilight fan and I think this is fantastically true!
 
poetrykid702 said...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 6:25 pm
That was hilarious but so true
 
esnow824 said...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 1:14 pm

LOVED THIS!

i had to play bella in a play and it was making fun of twilight so this reminded me a lot of it.

but seriously, this is great. 

 
Poet_Angel95 replied...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:18 pm
OMG could NOT stop LMAO!
 
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