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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1768 comments. Post your own!

kitkatt2136 said...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 12:53 pm:
I <3 this!!!
 
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redhairCat This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 1:20 pm:
sooooooooooo hilarious!
 
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holagirl78 said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 8:51 pm:
LOL you should so do this with more book series! xD
 
cdbates replied...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 2:41 pm :
ooh!  I agree.  I'd love to see harry potter summed up this way! :)
 
holagirl78 replied...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 4:12 pm :
         xD
 
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YAY! said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 12:18 pm:
AMAZING
 
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swiftstar10123 said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 10:49 pm:
BWAHAHAHAHA. I read the first three Twilights and hated them, (I myself am a Potterhead) and I think this is HYSTERICAL. You nailed it! 
 
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Dia.dreamer said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 10:02 am:
GAWD THIS IS SOO HILARIOUS!!! I read this before but I think I forgot to post a comment...anyway, "my eggo is preggo" - HAHAHAHAHAHA
 
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Girl_on_Fire said...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm:
I'm a Twilight fan and I think this is fantastically true!
 
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poetrykid702 said...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 6:25 pm:
That was hilarious but so true
 
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esnow824 said...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 1:14 pm:

LOVED THIS!

i had to play bella in a play and it was making fun of twilight so this reminded me a lot of it.

but seriously, this is great. 

 
Poet_Angel95 replied...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:18 pm :
OMG could NOT stop LMAO!
 
Ailatan replied...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm :
LOL That was hilarious!!!!
 
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Mahnooriable said...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 3:32 am:
BRILLIANT! :D
 
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Noelle W. said...
Jul. 1, 2011 at 10:29 pm:
my god it was so funny! you have talent at that! I loved it!
 
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foreverme143 said...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 4:42 pm:
hahahahahahaha that was hilarious! ur 2 good 2 good.......
 
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LovelyLady said...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 3:56 pm:
Haha! That's funny
 
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StarGazer453 said...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 2:56 pm:
That was absolutely hysterical.  *applause*
 
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TwinnBears27 said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 11:47 pm:
that was really funny:D
 
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Skemo18 said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 8:32 am:
lmao that was actually funny . nice job!!
 
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