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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1874 comments. Post your own now!

ButterflyKiss said...
Oct. 4, 2011 at 7:19 pm

It's been a couple months since I last read this.

 

It still makes me laugh til I wanna pee myself! xD

 
RaindanceMaggie replied...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 3:17 pm
I come back and reread this everyone in a while. makes me crack up every time!
 
Ecowolf This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 2, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Ha! Epic :D
 
Sweetu said...
Oct. 2, 2011 at 9:05 am
Its a hilarious one..seriously it made me laugh so much. :D
 
Madeline-G said...
Oct. 1, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Hahaha, if I could give you 6/5 stars I would. Hilarious, you made my day with this one (:
 
Socsisshea said...
Oct. 1, 2011 at 5:23 pm
HAHAHAHAHA! Oh, this just made my day. I'm kind of new on the website, making my way around and stuff. Only one of my articles have been published so far would you mind reading it?
 
DamonSalvatore1864 replied...
Oct. 19, 2011 at 12:56 pm
What is it called?
 
Jellybeanme said...
Oct. 1, 2011 at 10:47 am
"Edward: Oops." BEST PART!!
 
kellybelly25 said...
Sept. 30, 2011 at 4:54 pm
This is AMAZING! LOVE IT! :D
 
Asagi R. said...
Sept. 29, 2011 at 7:26 pm
AHAHAHA! >.< Hilarious!
 
HateKnuckle said...
Sept. 28, 2011 at 7:38 pm
The word choice was so good and the way you said it was superb. I really loved it. The emotions flew off the screen and right into my face. Great job. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL 5 STARS.
 
WhiteWidow said...
Sept. 26, 2011 at 2:41 pm
This is still on?!  I remember reading this, like, a year ago.  Still makes me laugh.  ^.^
 
spiritiris said...
Sept. 25, 2011 at 6:23 pm
Hilarious. I love these types of parodies.
 
littlebirdblue said...
Sept. 23, 2011 at 1:47 pm
XD lolol!!!
 
no1texastiger said...
Sept. 23, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Oh my gawsh. I think I just about died! That was so hilarious! Loved it!
 
Ninga99 said...
Sept. 22, 2011 at 12:55 pm
THAT IS HILARIOUS!!
 
Iggy_Fang112 said...
Sept. 22, 2011 at 12:21 am
I've read this post more times than i can count. (well, almost) its still just as awesome as it was the first time! keep up the good work.
 
Bloozagurl said...
Sept. 21, 2011 at 11:20 am
Oh my gosh. That was AMAZING!! I couldn't stop laughing XD
 
nerd101 said...
Sept. 20, 2011 at 8:39 pm
i loved it i also loved twilight but that was a way funnier version.
 
angelchild said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 7:31 pm
hahahaha could not stop laughing XD. It's fun to laugh at anything every so often, even if I loved the books.
 
crushcrush35 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Haha! That was probably one of the funniest things I ever read.. I should do that for my Language Arts Project! :D
 
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