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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

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This article has 1878 comments. Post your own now!

destielrises said...
Apr. 27 at 7:47 am
I loved this!! I acted this out in front of my class with @Peridescent @sooperspookyaj and @skeletalpiolt it was great! I loved the creativity and thought you did fabulously writing it! Great job and keep up the fabulous work!!!
Peridescent said...
Apr. 27 at 7:44 am
This is one of the funniest pieces I've read in a long time, and it had me laughing the whole time! Bravo, Lucy!
All_Fandoms_Matter67 said...
Apr. 26 at 3:52 pm
Omg hahahaha!! I didnt read all of it because im in class but it was funny.
tardistraveler241 said...
Apr. 26 at 8:44 am
You had me laughing the entire time, great work. Loved the script format as well, was definitely an interesting choice that paid off
QueenIsland123This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 6 at 9:48 pm
This is so funny! I was laughing the whole way through it. Please can you make more
DragonFableGirlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 3 at 6:28 pm
LOL I'm lke, laughing my head off right now!! I haven't even finished the first book, and I loooooovvveeee this!! Post more FanFic plays!! Do one of Harry Potter, InuYasha, or the Hunger Games1
SamJay said...
Feb. 26 at 9:55 pm
lol, this how the movie was pretty much.
sabbylynn said...
Feb. 26 at 7:15 pm
hahahaha laughed my butt off so funny this is so true it's not even funny you should consider making more of these!!
Kara_case said...
Feb. 13 at 6:22 pm
This is my favorite thing, it's so funny. I've read all the books and seen the movies and this never fails to make me laugh.
EmmaBelle said...
Feb. 12 at 1:55 pm
This will never not be my favorite fan fiction. Best. Thing. Ever.
black.blood said...
Jan. 26 at 2:59 pm
I've read all the books, and I've watched all the movies. I like none. But this summary, had me falling out of my chair. Thank you so much for sharing this brilliant piece!
Izamaniac said...
Jan. 22 at 9:16 am
Haha, never read the books, but read a small part, sounds pretty much what happened (that small part was the end of the book, not big on romances).
The_Book_Thief said...
Dec. 31, 2015 at 2:59 pm
I think this is an accurate summary of the plot without wasting as much paper.
Crystal_June replied...
Jan. 21 at 6:34 pm
I agree. It is pretty much what happened.
Quaviondre_Williams said...
Dec. 31, 2015 at 11:28 am
Hilarious! And it really did sum everything up lol
EmmaMayWang said...
Dec. 31, 2015 at 5:02 am
Haha I loved this!
BloomingRaine15 said...
Dec. 30, 2015 at 4:38 am
I just truly love this
Funkyman said...
Dec. 3, 2015 at 9:36 am
This is nice.
RatherNotSay said...
Nov. 21, 2015 at 1:07 pm
Yes. Just yes. :)
OverratedKilljoy said...
Nov. 19, 2015 at 9:53 am
I would give every penny I have to see this.
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