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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

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This article has 1790 comments. Post your own now!

BlackFTW said...
Jun. 30, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Eh, I've seen Youtube videos of these, so credits
PerfectChemistry said...
Jun. 30, 2012 at 9:17 am
This has got to be the single most hilarious thing I have ever read! Props!!
albinotiger said...
Jun. 25, 2012 at 10:31 am
do u know how many hours i wasted reading the books when i could of read this!!
RileyMo said...
Jun. 24, 2012 at 9:39 am
Ha! I love this! No one realizes that all Twilight is, is a creepy love story! This really was a day maker for me!! 
MadameElizabeth This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 23, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Just about the best thing ever! I think I just died!
earthhashope said...
Jun. 8, 2012 at 7:05 am

So very true!!!!!

:) :)

Filero said...
Jun. 8, 2012 at 4:38 am
hahaha'd the whole time XD Make 1 of the hunger games?
PeaceAndLove98 said...
Jun. 7, 2012 at 7:47 am
Lol that was hilarious. Awesome job! XD
ToraNoKage said...
Jun. 5, 2012 at 11:55 am
Haha that was amazing!
nebraskagirl2178 said...
May 31, 2012 at 7:59 am
Best. Thing. Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!That is hilarious on sooo many levels!!!!!!!!
Kendall B. said...
May 28, 2012 at 9:00 pm
I think I love you. That was the best Twighlight story I have ever read and I respect you SO much!
readerwriter13 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 28, 2012 at 2:10 pm
This is great! Its so funny! Awesome job! Do more!
KamanaFoxThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 27, 2012 at 10:32 am
Hilarious! You have to do more with this.
nemish23 said...
May 27, 2012 at 3:54 am

That was possibly the funniest thing I've ever read in my life!!!!!!!!

I love it, it's amazing. LOL.

EmoArtista said...
May 17, 2012 at 8:28 pm
This was HILARIOUS!!! You should make a trailer out of this
Darbs1325 said...
May 17, 2012 at 8:01 pm
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! XD!!!! wow!!! I was about off my chair laughing!!!! XD
SamsQ said...
May 17, 2012 at 6:07 pm
lols that totally hilarious and a perfect understanding about what happened. I'd love to see it as a play or video or whatever. Anyways its awesome :)
TheDoubtMachine said...
May 17, 2012 at 12:36 pm
EmmyCherry said...
May 17, 2012 at 12:21 pm
This was hilarious and a great summary of all four books! Loved it :).
M@dH@TT3R said...
May 17, 2012 at 10:01 am

Lmao xD

this is awsome

I'd like to see this as a video too!! :3

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