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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1769 comments. Post your own!

MoonstDaughterZeenyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 17, 2012 at 7:17 am:
I love it its amazing 
 
BigBallaJohnathanW replied...
May 17, 2012 at 2:24 pm :
hey my mom likes these so i have to watch them a lot
 
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Epiclyawesome said...
May 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm:
This is AWESOME. Love it.
 
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Mobius said...
May 12, 2012 at 4:47 pm:
Lol, this is a good fan fiction and parody. I think you should do this with the Avengers or Hunger Games.
 
kimberdawn replied...
May 15, 2012 at 1:28 pm :
I agree! The Avengers and the Hunger Games need to have a parody like this
 
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mirrorstone said...
May 9, 2012 at 3:21 pm:
Haha, that was fantastic! Made my night! You wanna wright another parody? (Hint hint, wink wink)
 
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Therangergirl said...
May 7, 2012 at 8:38 am:
"I think she meant 'bite me'" HAHAHA classic. You made my day XD
 
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xXSpyderGyrlXx said...
May 5, 2012 at 10:00 pm:
i have to say, this is acurate. it ties up the whole Twilight saga into a short story. nice job
 
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thelittleghostgirl said...
May 2, 2012 at 1:18 pm:
Yes. *tips virtual hat*
 
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wishingtheskywasbluer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 29, 2012 at 7:09 pm:
i just love this.
 
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hippiechick99 said...
Apr. 28, 2012 at 11:50 am:
I have no words except... THAT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! I'm going to get my sister to read it :)
 
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Faith P. said...
Apr. 27, 2012 at 10:41 am:
Oh my goodness, I can't stop laughing. Good job! :)
 
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StephanieMorrissa said...
Apr. 26, 2012 at 8:41 am:
Oh wow! HILARIOUS! Love it! You're really funny! :D
 
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lucasloveswriting said...
Apr. 25, 2012 at 8:01 pm:
i really love this, it's so different and very funny. good job :)
 
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AdrienneMPayne This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:57 pm:

HILARIOUS!!!

What else needs to be said?

 
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HisPurePrincess This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:18 am:
That was great.  I've debated the greatness of twilgiht with people and had come to the conclusion that although the story was wonderfully romantic and teens apparently love a dark side of things, the writing of them is really bad.  I love this!
 
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BeautifulAngel95 said...
Apr. 25, 2012 at 8:22 am:
This was so funny. I don't like twilight. But this was too funny. This summed up all four books. write more
 
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Scribbler-of-Dreams This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 24, 2012 at 7:19 am:
So, FUNNY....I loved it.
 
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SilverSunThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 23, 2012 at 7:30 pm:
WOW!! I didn't even read twilight but I totally laughed at this!! Amazing job!!
 
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Seshat said...
Apr. 15, 2012 at 8:49 pm:
Awsome, love making fun of Twilight!
 
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realbeautifulheart said...
Apr. 15, 2012 at 6:33 pm:
Hahahahaha nice
 
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