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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1775 comments. Post your own now!

Darbs1325This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 17, 2012 at 8:01 pm
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! XD!!!! wow!!! I was about off my chair laughing!!!! XD
 
SamsQThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 17, 2012 at 6:07 pm
lols that totally hilarious and a perfect understanding about what happened. I'd love to see it as a play or video or whatever. Anyways its awesome :)
 
TheDoubtMachine said...
May 17, 2012 at 12:36 pm
Hilarious!! 
 
EmmyCherry said...
May 17, 2012 at 12:21 pm
This was hilarious and a great summary of all four books! Loved it :).
 
M@dH@TT3R said...
May 17, 2012 at 10:01 am

Lmao xD

this is awsome

I'd like to see this as a video too!! :3

 
MoonstDaughterZeeny said...
May 17, 2012 at 7:17 am
I love it its amazing 
 
BigBallaJohnathanW replied...
May 17, 2012 at 2:24 pm
hey my mom likes these so i have to watch them a lot
 
Epiclyawesome said...
May 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm
This is AWESOME. Love it.
 
MobiusThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 12, 2012 at 4:47 pm
Lol, this is a good fan fiction and parody. I think you should do this with the Avengers or Hunger Games.
 
kimberdawn replied...
May 15, 2012 at 1:28 pm
I agree! The Avengers and the Hunger Games need to have a parody like this
 
mirrorstone said...
May 9, 2012 at 3:21 pm
Haha, that was fantastic! Made my night! You wanna wright another parody? (Hint hint, wink wink)
 
Therangergirl said...
May 7, 2012 at 8:38 am
"I think she meant 'bite me'" HAHAHA classic. You made my day XD
 
xXSpyderGyrlXxThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 5, 2012 at 10:00 pm
i have to say, this is acurate. it ties up the whole Twilight saga into a short story. nice job
 
thelittleghostgirl said...
May 2, 2012 at 1:18 pm
Yes. *tips virtual hat*
 
wishingtheskywasbluerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 29, 2012 at 7:09 pm
i just love this.
 
hippiechick99 said...
Apr. 28, 2012 at 11:50 am
I have no words except... THAT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! I'm going to get my sister to read it :)
 
Faith P. said...
Apr. 27, 2012 at 10:41 am
Oh my goodness, I can't stop laughing. Good job! :)
 
StephanieMorrissa said...
Apr. 26, 2012 at 8:41 am
Oh wow! HILARIOUS! Love it! You're really funny! :D
 
lucasloveswriting said...
Apr. 25, 2012 at 8:01 pm
i really love this, it's so different and very funny. good job :)
 
AdrienneMPayne This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:57 pm

HILARIOUS!!!

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