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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

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This article has 1807 comments. Post your own now!

RandiRose said...
Aug. 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm
Ahaha very good! Check out my "Skylar West and the Seven Runaways" A Modern Snow White Story!
ShelbyLala said...
Aug. 26, 2012 at 3:00 pm
i love everything
HorseGirl06 said...
Aug. 24, 2012 at 5:03 pm
you write much better than stephanie meyer :P good job, i love it(:
ShelbyRoo19967170 said...
Aug. 13, 2012 at 5:17 pm
Omg....this is SOOOOO funny!! XD Double thumbs up!!
MaeSilver said...
Aug. 13, 2012 at 11:20 am
Oh jeeze, too great!
MakeMyWaffles said...
Jul. 28, 2012 at 3:30 pm
nice lol.
LongLazyDays55 said...
Jul. 24, 2012 at 12:48 pm
Ok, I'll admit I haven't read Twilight. YET. But I've seen a bit of the movie. This was so cool and I'd love if it became a film. Keep writing! :)
ladybugsrock said...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 10:05 pm

wowthat a great story!! please rwd my novel, A Journey Far From Home! Thank You!!


La..di said...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 9:44 pm
I like this a lot! Showed mother... And sis... They liked it to. Mother interrupted my reading and we raced to read next lines.... I won..... She won...... I won....and so on.... You should check out a poem about snow called Mistress of the Ice Flowers... :D
JRayeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 17, 2012 at 7:30 pm
OMG! This is halarious. I meam I'm a Twi-Hard but the way this dumbs the series down is so funny.  Love it!
kindlegirl said...
Jul. 12, 2012 at 11:24 am
Dude it's awesome thx for not making oit so drama attached as the real Twilight saga. Congrats
sallysunshine said...
Jul. 11, 2012 at 9:45 pm
Kestrel This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 9, 2012 at 4:42 pm
Funny! I hated Twilight, so i agree.
Nemaidez said...
Jul. 7, 2012 at 9:15 pm
I read this to my English class & they thought it was amazing, it really is hilarious! :) Thnx.
BlackRosePetalz said...
Jul. 7, 2012 at 1:27 am
Heh...I chuckled. :) I'd love to see this play acted out. And I agree with one of these comments: your next one should be the Hunger Games.
AbbyOliver6 said...
Jun. 30, 2012 at 7:42 pm
LOL!!!!!! SO FUNNY!!!!
BlackFTW said...
Jun. 30, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Eh, I've seen Youtube videos of these, so credits
BlackFTW said...
Jun. 30, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Eh, I've seen Youtube videos of these, so credits
PerfectChemistry said...
Jun. 30, 2012 at 9:17 am
This has got to be the single most hilarious thing I have ever read! Props!!
albinotiger said...
Jun. 25, 2012 at 10:31 am
do u know how many hours i wasted reading the books when i could of read this!!
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