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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

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This article has 1861 comments. Post your own now!

auto_ink said...
Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:42 pm
y and my friend were joking about the twilight movies and then we saw this. BEST. MOMENT. EVER. xD
Twilightgirl97 said...
Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:55 pm
haha! I'm a Twilight fan and I still had to  laugh at this haha! This is funny  
Morgan P. said...
Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:09 am
Laughed so hard XD
OceanStorm said...
Jan. 11, 2013 at 8:21 pm
This is seriously the funniest thing ever.  I love it!
AllieBear said...
Jan. 10, 2013 at 10:24 pm
Wow,and when I say that I don't mean nicely.
PeytonLovesHarryPotter replied...
Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:49 pm
Well, THATS not very nice..... If you have nothing good to say, don't say it at all! That's very rude AlliBear.... Awesome! Could NOT stop laughing.
SandyBeachh said...
Jan. 9, 2013 at 1:49 pm
This is absolutely wonderful. Strange looks come your way when you start laughing hysterically in the middle of a public place. You should make more of these. One on the Hunger Games could be very interesting.
WinterFairy replied...
Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:20 pm
In_Love_with_Writing said...
Jan. 5, 2013 at 1:51 pm
This was really funny. I've read some of the first Twilight book, but didn't finish or read the others. I guess I don't have to now that I've read this :) And check out some of my stories! Please rate them, subscribe, or comment if you can. It really means a lot and brings a smile to my face each time. Thank you so much!
CherriePi This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:14 pm
Twilight is SOOOO much more than that!!!!!!!! Have you read the books????
CariePierce replied...
Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:22 pm
Oh, hush. It was a fun piece, nothing more. Don't take personal offense (:
EvanLaine said...
Dec. 29, 2012 at 6:03 pm
I love you... just... yes this is perfect. words cannot describe the joy that brought me :p
writtenmusic202 said...
Dec. 19, 2012 at 6:40 pm
Quite possibly one of the best things I have read. Great job, I should have just read this instead of the books :) good job!!
Alexx830 said...
Dec. 13, 2012 at 8:34 am
Well done! i really liked it xD i like how stupid edward is as well bravo
Deamer_ said...
Dec. 11, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Lol that was awesome.
SeargantGoober said...
Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:48 pm
I have to say that your story is probably the best thing that has ever been created lol Like I laughed so hard. Oh my goodness. And pretty much what you had in there was how it went. HAHAHA it was just amazing (: - Courtney
iam4evermyself said...
Dec. 9, 2012 at 4:56 pm
CharlieBalzary This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 9, 2012 at 5:18 am
To say this is awsome would be a massive understatement. This fully incapsulates the banality of the entire saga. This dialogue would have made for a better movie experience, as far as I'm concerned. Bravo dude!
MatieKae said...
Dec. 7, 2012 at 11:33 am
Haha oh that's too funny! But so true, I love how accurate it is, it makes it even more amusing!!
poemluv said...
Dec. 4, 2012 at 11:19 am
ahahahaha!! I love it! XD
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