Harvest Moon (nessie's point of view) part 1

September 23, 2009
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I noticed that I wasn't by myself anymore. I turned and there was a bare chest there. I tilted my head to see Jacob. I only smiled. His hair had grown out some and was able to put it in a small ponytail. His eyes were so brown and beautiful. Of course you all know what Jacob looks like. If you don't know who I am. My name is Renesmee Cullen. I'm 16 years old. My hair is bronze and wavy. My eyes chocolate brown. My skin pale and I'm slimmer than most girls my age....Oh, right. Jake was staring at me in a strange way that he hadn't before. Dad says that is the same way that he looks at mom...I just rolled my eyes until now. I couldn't look away from him. Jacob slowly wipped the falling tears from my face. I gave him a sad smile.

"Nessie, please stop crying I hate when you cry." I hugged him. I felt his lips press to the top of my head.

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you. I didn't mean to I just got so upset."

"I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad...Actusally I kind of liked that you yelled at me." I pulled away and looked at him. He was wearing that cocky smile of his.

"Your not funny Jacob Black." I whispered. But it only sent him into a round of laughter. I tuck my tounge out at him.

"I think I am funny." Without saying anything else he placed his hand under my chin and lifted my head. He was getting closer to face face than ususal. I bite my lower lip hoping that He wasn't going to do what I thought he was.

"Jacob Black if I were you I would step away from my daughter." It was my father. I knew that my face my crimson red. There was no way that this day could get any worse than it was now.....

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EllieK. said...
May 15, 2010 at 9:20 pm
creativityrules said...
Mar. 16, 2010 at 2:34 am
it was nice....wanna read more..... so nessie is not in luv wid jacob?? uuuugggghhh..... got to read futher, pls write more.....
Shuchee said...
Mar. 10, 2010 at 11:19 pm
Its okay. Keep working on it. I have also started writing 5th Twilight titled "Forbidden"
LaylaViolet said...
Mar. 10, 2010 at 4:29 pm
Grammatical issues... the first paragraph needs to be more stylized; don't just state her appearance... figuratively describe it. Keep working at it (you're not the only one writing a fifth Twilight). B+
LaylaViolet said...
Mar. 10, 2010 at 4:28 pm
Have any of you read the books? Doesn't seem like it. Your first paragraph looks like it was written by an amatuer; add more figurative detail, don't just state her appearance (makes it sound boring). Edward ended up being cool with the whole 'imprinting' thing, so you most definitely need to include a reason behind his... douche -ness toward Jacob. A few grammatical issues, but those could be fixed. Always revise and edit... at least twice before submitting. Keep work... (more »)
agsmiley888 replied...
Mar. 31, 2010 at 11:38 am
do you know any good articles with renesmes point of view?  if u do reply plseeese
JaycieCaroline(: said...
Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:44 am
I love this! You're such a good writer. You should write more!
dkA.M said...
Dec. 6, 2009 at 1:48 pm
please read my take on ness's point of view that I posted before.......... hopefully it catches some peoples eye as well
erika4964 said...
Dec. 6, 2009 at 4:19 am
That is so good and cute. Yeah it needs a beginning too: but man it was good wright more.
luvtwilight said...
Dec. 5, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Wow. A little background before this would be nice, but this was really fun to read! It would make an excellent 5th addition to the amazing 4 part saga.
codyman1197 said...
Oct. 1, 2009 at 5:35 pm
That's pretty good. I'd like to read what happened before that though. You also had some grammar mistakes, but it was good.
JediQueen replied...
Oct. 7, 2009 at 6:25 pm
I love it! I love things from Nessie's point of view!
kittycat replied...
Oct. 14, 2009 at 6:39 pm
when does part 2 come out? and an intro would be good for part1
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