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It's Not So Bad - The Outsiders Reimagined
I lost him. We lost him. I don’t even wanna say his name, but I have to. Johnny’s dead. Why did he have to be a hero? He could’ve left them kids to burn to death, that way I’d still have him. But that’s what made Johnny himself; he had to help everyone.
I drag myself down the bland hospital walls after my fists give out. What am I gonna do? I can’t do this, not again. I sprinted out of that place faster than a mustang before those thoughts started flooding my mind.
As soon as the car started, I went onto the road. Can’t believe of all people that left me it was him. He didn’t have much, but he had us; he had me. This is my fault, I tried to keep him safe after he killed that Soc and I failed. But it isn’t; it’s not anyone’s fault. He just wanted to help.
I wondered about Ponyboy, he had to go through all this too. He must be going crazy, I already have. But he gets to go home, I don’t have a home. I have nothing.
I pulled up to a grocery store and just sat there in the car. I took a look around; the sun was shining bright, trees full with green leaves unlike in the fall. Parents and their kids were going in and coming out of the store. It brought light to the dark corner of my mind that I never wanted to go to.
It reminded me of when I had family, well a real family. That is before they abandoned me. Why does everyone leave me? Why can’t I ever be happy without something bad getting in the way? Questions that will never be answered. Hot air leaves my mouth as I run a hand through my hair.
Then my anger got the best of me. I stalked into one of the aisles and stuffed a bundle of the first thing I saw into my jacket and tried to make it obvious I was robbing the place.
Someone noticed and yelled out,”Hey somebody stop him! He’s stealing!”
I took that as my cue to run. Dropping everything, I ran until I saw a payphone, shoved a nickel in there and dialed the Curtis’ house number as fast as lightning.
“Hello?,” Darry picked up.
“It’s Dallas, I robbed a grocery store and the cops are gon’ be chasing me any second. I’m on my way to the lot, you need to help hide me.”
Darry hung up.
While running to the lot, I feel overwhelmed with everything. I don’t think I’ll ever get over Johnny dying or my parents leaving. I can’t live, not like this.
My eyes drift to my heater… No I tell myself. It’s not loaded anyways. My mind flashes back to what my parents said the last time I saw them. ‘We’ll be back in the morning Dally you’ll be fine. Just know that being by yourself isn’t so bad.’
Lies. They never came back. And being alone doesn’t feel bad, it’s a living hell and now I’m actually alone.
I finally hear sirens following me. I stop running when I see what’s left of the gang. My eyes almost tear up. Nothing will ever be the same without Johnny and without him no one needs me.
In an outburst I pull out my gun and face the police car that tailed me with its open doors shielding the cops inside. As soon as the first bullet hits me I try to send a mental message to the gang.
Being by yourself isn’t so bad.