Fulan | Teen Ink


May 2, 2018
By Anonymous

`Fractured Tale of Mulan:


This is the fractured tale of Fulan. Fulan was a young man who was very clever, I mean kinda. Ok, so maybe clever was the wrong word. Weird is more accurate. He had a small brown dragon named Fosho because that was his answer for most things which got Fulan in a little bit more trouble than he’d like to admit. One day a general for the Japanese samurai army came to bring his mom into the military as she was a previous veteran. Upon hearing this Fulan was heartbroken in his room thinking about how his mom was old and didn’t need to fight anymore even though she was totally jacked, when he had an idea, I wouldn’t call it genius but it was definitely an idea nonetheless. He was going to dress up as a woman and enter the military in place of his mom. He asked his dragon for advice on the idea and all he needed was the inspiration that came from one word, this one word  sparked a fire in Fulans heart, and that word was...Fosho. So from there his quest had begun, he ran to his mom’s room, took a couple dresses, some makeup, and some...other items that would make him pass as female. He had some homeless lady down the street help dress him up, got the seal of approval from Fosho, and went to prepare for war. Somehow he managed to pass at first and went to the all women camp of the Samurai. Finally it was time for a woman to be made out of him and training had began. Now typically he would’ve done the whole praying to the ancestors thing before making this decision but to no one’s surprise they didn’t really approve of most of his actions and cursed him with his favorite companion Fosho. But anyway back to the good stuff. The caption of the camp who was in charge of training the soldiers was a burly woman named Bu Thang. From the start Bu Thang was not about Fulan, she was always hazing him about smelling gross, and not being like the other girls. However they had one thing in common, they were both tall and strong, and Bu Thang eventually started to like Fulan. During this time of war their enemy was the Buns who were fierce women who dominated in battle. After surviving training with very very suspicious allies the camp moved north to stop the Buns from invading Japan. After being spotted and pursued by the Buns, a volcano forces Fulan to do some critical thinking. But then his weird gender secret would be out. Once again he had to go to his best advisor for advise on the topic, and he got the answer he was looking for, Fosho. His idea was to throw himself under the bus and reveal himself as a man and suggest all the women to dress up as men and trick the Buns into not killing them in order to live to fight another day..at the expense of Japan. Unsurprisingly this idea went really really south when brought into action. He first had Bu Thang order everyone to assemble to hear his survival plan. Now that he had everyone’s attention he revealed himself as a man. To his surprise instead of being praised for his quick thinking he was beat up by an entire group of female Samurai, and a basically just labelled as a pervert. Luckily for him, his commander, Bu Thang, decided that  instead of leaving him for dead or immediately sending him back home where he would be given whatever treasonous punishment he would be given under the emperor, she would make him do various chores, and force him to do a ridiculous amount of hard work until eventually the Buns caught up to the group. As the enemy approached Fulan decided that the best course of action was to tell a great lie. He decided to go to Commander Bu Thang and explain that he was greatly sorry for being a liar and deceiving the army, and dishonoring his country and claimed to want to scout towards the Buns, risking his life for his country. She thought it over and later gave him approval to do so after informing him that he is still a creep and that he was weird. He was armed with a bow, and a horse. From that point he booked it in the exact opposite direction right back towards his home knowing that the camp was doomed and would most likely be wiped out by the Buns, so he did not fear the risk of his odd tale getting around. After several days on horseback he finally made it back home where he finally was safe from the Buns. He had feelings of cowardice and shame and asked his dragon who seemed rather moody if what he had done was wrong, and got the answer he had feared he would get..Fosho. A couple days passed when a lone samurai warrior showed up at his town. It was none other than Bu Thang, who looked battered and beaten down. She came with news that the entire unit had been wiped out and she was the last one left. She was taken in by Fulan’s family and it was then that he was recognized by the commander who when he tried to run suplexed him through a table. He later woke up sore, and with a very upset family. His secret had been told to the entire village and he was from that point on met with nothing but disapproval and was once again marked as a perv, but this time he was also labeled as not only that but also a dishonorable coward, and a traitor. He was met with extreme regret and sorrow that he was potentially the cause of many lives being lost, sad that he could’ve done something to prevent the devastating outcome. After being shamed and embarrassed in front of the entire village a few days passed and the emperor came to town. He thought it was to mourn the loss of lives and prepare them for an invasion but instead he was surprised when he learned that he was instead there to congratulate the Samurai warriors on their glorious victory against the Buns. Confused and embarrassed, he learned that the camp wasn’t wiped out at all, but actually they had indeed won. To wrap up the story, basically he was again beat up by an entire camp of female samurai once more , labeled as a coward, and banned from Japan by the emperor after being called  a pervert traitor in front of the entire village. Ultimately dishonoring his entire country, he was exiled and lived as a travelling bard with his little brown dragon Fosho. Oddly enough he actually did pretty well as a bard and lived a long and strange life from there on.

The author's comments:

My english teacher made me.

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