Craig Beatty, a local man from Charlotte, was ecstatic to open his birthday gift this year, but his bewilderment slowly became insanity as he slowly realized every disc contained within the machine his wife had given him was just a single of War’s “Low Rider.”
Beatty reportedly phoned local authorities soon after receiving the gift.
“I thought it must’ve been just a skipping error. My wife and kids were just jamming out, but I couldn’t bear it! That equates to roughly 18 minutes of torture!”
Screams could be heard cutting through loud slow motion edits of “Ohhh yeaah” and upbeat synth waves. By the time police arrived on the scene, they even believed the machine may become sentient if not dealt with soon.
Beatty was admitted to the local psychiatric ward last week, for his and his family’s safety.