A screeching came across the sky, This is it, I thought. My life has never been exciting. At the beginning and in my teens there were a lot of good times. But after college I didn’t amount to much I went to a community college and then transferred to whichever college would let my play. But none called so I went to the cheapest option. That was one of the worst things in my life was to never be able to play again just watch. I thought I had so much potential when I was younger that I could conquer any obstacle in front of me. Instead I landed in a post office where I’ve worked as a clerk for the last 20 years and the only thing I have to show for my 34 years on this earth is that I have a somewhat impressive stamp collection but don’t worry it’s not worth anything. I looked up again to see the comet streaking across the sky and I crossed the last thing off my list. I thought back to my teen days again and a feeling of self-destruction and never coming close to my potential yet again gripped my heart. I opened my box and smoked a square, I took up smoking because I didn’t plan on living long, just long enough to be able to do the things I wanted. Though I never did anything I wanted to do I created a bucket list in which I completed everything on, the last one, I had finished tonight which meant it was time. I lived in the country and looking out from my small porch I thought about it again. The abyss, the nothingness after life I thought about it a lot, I never thought it would be that bad I wouldn’t have to deal with any of the f***ing bulls**t that life gives you. It’s not fair or kind to you and even if you think you can do something with it, it’ll make you pay. I started walking down the stairs to the driveway and passed my car, I wouldn’t need that where I was going. I looked up at the night sky and there were now dozens of comets traversing the sky. Streaking bright and loud but then dying out within the next few seconds just like everything else. It would be a good night, tonight is better than any other night. I don’t know how long I was walking but I continued to think about my life, my father died in my twenties and that was very difficult for me I was never close with my mom and now I never will be, but when I was younger one of the only things that she said to me was that I was just going to end up in jail. Don’t worry mom I’ll be in a much better place. An ironic laugh escaped me, and with that first laugh a flood of laughter followed. After so much that I’ve lived waking up every single day hating myself, everyone else, and how my life panned out I finally would never have to wake up again. Sorrow followed after that for the few that I cared about in my life, for I will miss them dearly, but they will move on just like I would. I continued stepping left then right then left again until the road became no more and became the hollow clopping of stone. I looked over the side and heard the rushing water underneath, The side was about four feet tall to make sure no one would fall off. I looked down to see what I was wearing, a simple sweatshirt from the high school I went to, some jeans, and some boots I would wear when I went hiking. I used the railing to step onto the side of the bridge it was a moonlit night you could see everything but it all seemed surreal, I looked down to see the water once more, it was very high up at least 40 feet. I took a deep breath and before i could step I took my boots off as an afterthought, just prolonging the jump. But eventually it was all too much I looked up at the starry night said goodbye to the moon and jumped. As I was falling I didn’t think anything just of everything that drove me to do this, everyone think it’s a tragedy but for some it’s an escape. Then, after that final thought there was nothing, only the abyss.
January 26, 2018