How to fail all of your college classes

January 18, 2018
By ajax3377 GOLD, Hartland, Wisconsin
ajax3377 GOLD, Hartland, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 0 comments

A quarter year of partying
Four hours of playing Xbox Daily
A heap of not showing up to classes
A mountain of not doing homework
A bucketful of sleep deprivation
A truckload of poor time management
A acre of not completed schoolwork
1 paper shredder
A four year’s supply of trash cans
A crane
A pile of wooden spoons


Directions: (Be aware that this is a daily routine over a period of four years)


Start off your day with a pinch of sleep deprivation (multiply by 1,460 days in order to fulfill your bucketful).
After your first day of college, start a pile of incomplete school work so that by four years you will have an acre.
Next, combine your heap of not showing up to classes and your mountain of not doing homework until you have a pasty mixture reeking of an F student.
Throw in a bucketful of sleep deprivation for a lowered mental state.
Acquire a crane (your best bet is to steal one) to drop in your truckload of poor time management.
Combine your total hours playing Xbox (5,840) with your quarter year of partying (The exact amount of hours may vary from person to person).
By the time you have an acre of incomplete school work, gather your paper shredder and continue to shred every single piece of paper (this is so that it is much more easily stirred into the mixture).
While you still have the truck handy that was used to carry your truckful of poor time management, take all of your ingredients and dump them into the dump truck.
Now comes the fun part. You will need your crane again, and your pile of wooden spoons for this step. You must construct a giant stirring spoon out of your pile of wooden spoons (method is up to you). Using the crane, pick up the newly created stirring spoon and proceed to stir the mixture until it has become a dark brown color.
After, you will need to pour the mixture into each of your years supply of trash cans, and purchase a storage unit to store all of your trash cans full of mixture.
Consume 500 g daily in order to get an effective dosage.


Side Note: At this point, you may have failed all of your college classes and are probably wondering how you are ever going to get a job. I urge you to check your mailbox in approximately two days time after failing college. You will have most likely get a job offer from a pharmaceutical company because of the failure potion you have just created.

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