And I, But You

December 25, 2017
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There were secrets; hidden in the middle of the time, when the day was pushed by the cold wind of the night. There were secrets; that was a star who fell from its grace, drowned in the sea of hatred, coming to cursed at the proud sun and all its reason to shine. But somehow the shine slipped past the sky, disguised in the form of beauty, to find the flooded tears of once a goddess; who now was polluted by pain.
There were secrets; that was talked. Behind closed curtain of a fragile home and between two heads who were afraid to be heard. There were secrets, that one loved the other more.
There were secrets, between bottles and pills and on the slurred words from the lost stars. Secrets of how the sky never was a home for her, how she couldn’t shine bright enough to light up the universe.
It was never like that
[How mean, the sun was the one being worshipped by human]
There were secrets, that then the sky turned into grey; because the sun tried the paint on her skin, the darks that never colored the blue canvas before. But she could never understand, because it would never belong to her.
It was both a blessing and a curse. How the light of happiness could blind even the source of the light itself. Chained by the fate of kind heart who secretly prayed for the unnecessary grey pair of eyes. And it was plain curiosity, at the unlucky soul who kept on pitying herself, that made her come again to the eye of the storm and asked at the shadow on the corner of the room.
Why is it like that?
[How mean, you don’t have to mock me like that]

There were secrets that again, the shine on her eyes dimmed. And if there was hurt, flashed in less than a time but still noticeable for the conscientious eyes, none said anything. It was a secret for another set of day, when they thought the night would be warmer.
There were secrets, behind two pairs of silent lips that faced each other. One filled with chivalry while the other with adoration. Again, two different sides to choose. Though both held same regrets of the skies; waiting for it to fall.
Still there were secrets, that as the clouds danced in the sky, bit by bit she was giving up. Though one was too ignorant to notice while the other was too sensitive to tell. Then another pass of time come and go; leaving a silent love of awkward pair until another secrets were told.
And when it did come, there were secrets, desperately yet proudly told. There were secrets; between angry marks of red and scream; now the secrets were loud. It changed with fire; with the cracking sound of the woods that were burned. It changed with desperate scream of undelivered words, of heartbreak in need of saving. Turned into two stubborn minds of different sides that couldn’t understand each other.
It’s not like that
[How mean, people in heaven never knows how it is in hell]

There were secrets; held between croaked voice of the hidden tears and swollen pair of eyes under the mock of moonlight. And pity she had; pity she got; from the unforgiving night sky. And if there were tears when she laughed, none said anything. Ignorance was what they do best after all.
So again another secret was repeated, though time had done its best to force them forward. Another tears, another dissatisfaction was told through an enigma of something they couldn’t even understand. Yet another secret was screamed, from the jealous heart that could never reach the expectation of the skies. A heart who couldn’t accept the idea of love itself; who refused the said happiness that was given for her. A heart who pushed the said light out her door.
And for once the light was desperate for the complete darkness that blinded her; for the foolishness of the narrow minded way of thinking from a person who was too busy worrying than to notice what she already had before she come to lose them.
It had always-
[How mean, you know I had always been jealous of you]

There were secrets; in the form of promise that everything was fine. In the form of flawed act of a kid who was never ready for the world. While the one was lost in the madness of herself, the other lost in the attempt of safety. And if there were only tears; falling in all colors of the stars, none said anything.
Though piece by piece another confession was made, in the form of crumpled paper; ripped carelessly with a joke as if tomorrow would never come.
But for some, maybe, tomorrow was better not come at all. Because what was the use of it if one would only suffer. But maybe it was only the heart that was caged too long in the basement, thrown by the skies. She had fallen anyway.
It-
[How mean, I had always hate you
]
There were secrets; about the time who tried to opposed fate and stop what was to come. There were secrets about sadness and regrets of the feet that didn’t run fast enough. But those secrets were now loud for the world to hear. Again burning; fighting at the dark sky that was about to fall.
There were secrets; about the breathless grieve that was embracing death like a lover. There were secrets about the sun who couldn’t chase the darkness. And the tears painted the now cold body who at last in peace. But the cost was just another grieve for another light; who filled the hole with fire. With soft adoration that came to waste.
There were secrets, because the stars hated how fortunate the sun was. How a little touch of needle could make her scream like the world was to end. How she couldn’t stand pain, and how she could let it out; while the other bared it on her body, invincibly lined up on her skin.
There were secrets that she was fed up of all the unfairness. There were secrets that the light of day didn’t know, she only come for the ashes.
Or how once a beauty was hung with a collar in the sea of darkness.  But she couldn’t understand, because was a sun always stars, yet a star never was a sun.
It shouldn’t’ve been like this
There were secrets; that one loves the other more. So she hid it under death’s cape.






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