you deserve me.

December 4, 2017
By , Queens Village, NY

Alcohol was all around us tonight and we were of course indulging in it. Tonight, Keith's seventh album went triple platinum and we are all so happy for him.

Everyone that Keith knew was in the building congratulating him on this honor. Everyone except the one person who was supposed to be here. His very on and off girlfriend was nowhere to be found. For the first two hours Keith wasn't bothered by it but after some more time passed, I could see the irritation on his face increasing.

When does the cycle stop with these two? Don't they know they're toxic for each other? They bring out the worst in each other and it's unbelievable how many times they've argued, broken up, had sex and repeated it. It was the same damn routine. I cared for Keith. I wanted him to learn how to rely on himself when it came to being happy. Keith didn't need to depend on someone else to do it for him.

The four margaritas and two jäger bombs that I downed were getting to me. I really should have went with Freddy and Ryan to In and Out before the party. With no food in my stomach and a copious amount of alcohol burning through my system, my liquid courage was at a definite high tonight.

I left a couple of executives who I used to work with when I was at Sony Records in the kitchen and walked over to the group of people I loved.
Freddy, Ryan, Mikey, Scott and Kenny were all sitting around the fireplace talking.

"Hey guys." I smiled.

"Are you drunk?" Freddy asked.

"What? Pft no." I took a sip of my ice cold beer.

"You got that far away look in your eyes. You're definitely drunk." Ryan added.

"Whatever, where's Keith?"

"He's outside on the terrance, talking on the phone." Scott pointed to his left.

"Well boys this has been a very fascinating conversation but I should be going." I carefully rose from the couch, making sure I didn't fall back or look like I was intoxicated. It's the worst thing when you're the person who can't handle their liquor.

When I approached the french style doors, I could see Keith with the phone practically glued to his ear.

I quietly opened the door and closed it behind me. Keith turned around quickly but saw that it was me and smiled. He hung up his phone shortly after.

"Why aren't you enjoying your party Keith?" I pouted.

"I was just seeing if she was going to make it."

"And?" I looked up from the ground.

"She's not coming. Told me that since we aren't together then she's not "obligated" to come." Keith said with an edge to his voice.

Who the hell says that? I could see he was hurt from his conversation with her. The main thing Keith lacked was independence. He hated being alone and didn't know how to be. He thrived off of having people around him.


When his last tour ended, it was bittersweet for him. He loved being able to perform for his fans every night and it was fun for him. How many twenty year olds performed for hundreds of thousands of adoring fans as a career? It's a one in a million chance, trust me. However the silence was the bitter part of the tour ending. He was so used to having girls scream his name and profess their love to him 24/7.


"But we're just going through a rough patch. We'll be fine."

I rolled my eyes so far back that I'm sure you could see the scleras of my eyes.

"Keith that's like the 20,000th rough patch of the month." I forgot that I still had my drink in my hand and decided that this delicious beer couldn't go to waste. So I took a hefty sip of the amber liquid.

He narrowed his eyes at me, "We'll work through it, like we always do."

I scoffed already annoyed with his hopes of them actually working out.

"What's with you?"

He was mad now. Oops.

"Nothing." I shrugged.

I turned my body so that I faced the Empire State Building.

"Nah, it seems like you have something to say so say it."

Keith stayed behind me but stood a few feet away. Sometimes he was a little over dramatic about things and you had to reel him in.

"I just think it's funny how she can do no wrong in your eyes and you'll always be at her beck and call."

"What the hell are you talking about?" He wasn't yelling but he did raise his voice a couple octaves.

"Just forget it Keith. You're obviously really emotional right now so I'm going to go." I tried to walk around him to the door but he wouldn't budge.

"Move. Keith." He still made no move. He wasn't going anywhere.

"Not until you tell me why she or actually why we bother you so much?"


His tone implied that maybe I had another motive other than me caring about his mental and emotional state.

And we? Oh so there’s suddenly a we.

Shoot me now.

Everyone else in the crew always tell me to leave it alone but if no one says anything then it'll never stop. Maybe it wouldn't help but someone had to step up and tell the kid how it is. Plus, I'm done with watching this accident happen over and over knowing that I could do something to prevent it.

So I drank the rest of my beer and got ready to let him know exactly what I thought about him and her.

"You guys are a we now? Come on aren't you tired of this? Either you're together or not. Make up your minds or how about this, be mature adults you both claim to be and let each other go for good."

"You don't know what you're talking about this is love and-"

I held my hand up so that he'd shut up, "Love? No this is obsession, comfort, stupidity and it's unhealthy."

"It's not-"

"It is! The sad thing is you don't see that you deserve so much more than this. You deserve stability, respect and honesty. All of which you don't have. You deserve someone who will stay through all the b.s. and lies that get thrown around every day." My voice was getting louder as each word left my mouth.

This man didn't get it did he? Is this one of the times where he accepts the love he thinks he deserves?

Keith was slowly breaking down, his tough exterior had multiple cracks in it.


"Just shut up. You don't know what you're talking about!"

I was glad that the music was so loud inside so no one heard us arguing.

"I do. That's why you're getting upset because I'm right. Why is it so hard for you to admit that you deserve someone who is proud of you rather than someone who is embarrassed to be seen with you?! You have every right to have someone who will love you, all of you."

I paused so that I could get a breath of air, "You also need to love yourself because you obviously don't if you're alright with someone toying with your heart like this."

"Okay since you have such a strong opinion about me and my relationship then who do you think I deserve?"

What? Was he seriously asking me this?

"I don't know. Anyway, you're missing the point."

"Answer the question."

"I. don't. know."

"I don't know isn't an answer."

"Well I don't."

"Yes you do."

Oh My God! Could he be anymore annoying?!


"Just answer the question."

"Fine! You deserve someone like me!"

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