You left me. You let me walk away as you yourself proceeded to do so. As I walked I however let my undying love for you pull on my heart strings, like a puppet, forcing me to turn around ready to run into your comforting arms and to sob my heart out into your shoulder, which you said, would always be there for me. But Instead I turned around to face an empty field; you left me standing in that field my heart shattering into the same amount of pieces as the blades of grass surrounding my unstable frame; you let me fall to my knees crying with no comforting arms or trusting shoulder to be seen for miles. I wailed, my cries slowly consuming me, some part of me hoping you’d hear my broken screams and come back for me but instead I watched as your tall shadow turned the corner of the towering building in the distance.
My trust soon followed my heart, shattering amongst the blades of grass which now didn’t seem so green; my head ached, finding any possible way that all that you did could’ve been my fault because at least that way my trust wouldn’t have disappeared along with you as you let your footsteps guide you away from my sobbing body, which was now surrounded with pieces of my shattered heart, broken promises and all the little lies which you had left for my brain to completely blow out of proportion. But that wasn’t enough; no instead you let me deal with not only the pain of you leaving but the pain of you coming back. As you waited too long to return, feelings of anger coursed through my veins, my heart had given up since it had had enough of these games.
You attempted to hold my hand and wrap your arms, which once held so much comfort, around me but my heart had already been scattered throughout that field and my brain was no longer attached to my body but instead forcing itself back into the state of depression it had once been stuck in for so long. You walked me home, tugging on my arm every time I stopped to look into the road, as I became mesmerised by the fast cars whizzing past me and slowly i began to move closer and closer to the business of the road. You soon realised the amount of pain I was holding in but it was too late my brain had somehow reattached itself to my body and remembered the façade I had worked so hard to build. So instead of opening up and confessing my thoughts, which stuck to my brain like your shadow did as you turned that corner, I reassured you that I was fine, I was overreacting I said so that you wouldn’t blame yourself for my sporadic state because honestly I don’t. None of this was your fault, I was already broken and I forgave you because you did come back.
Since then that day has become a blur, because I forced myself to erase that memory, to erase the stinging in my heart which was the only thing was keeping me company as I waited for your return to that field. Since then I have been told that actually I am the one breaking you. You never broke me, because my love for you healed any skin wound that you may have ever caused me accidentally but I however have slowly been breaking your shoulders with my pain filled tears and with the weight I unload onto them, as you were kind enough to willingly offer them to me. I selfishly attempt to fix this pain I am causing you not by leaving but my keeping my thoughts inside, letting them slowly build up again instead of adding to that permanent weight I’ve glued to your shoulders. Until, like a dam, I eventually burst and finally let the depression fully consume me. But hopefully the walls of this ‘dam’ will be enforced by the strength I drain out of you with my repetitive 1am depressing conversations and five paragraph rants which often light up your phone screen in the middle of the day. I guess everybody’s wondering who will I break first, me or you?