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The Window

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It was a cold night in rural Vermont. Beth had just put her two sons Tom and Fredrick to bed. Fredrick was twelve and Tom was ten. Beth was 37 and her husband had been murdered when he went on vacation in Las Vegas. Beth was watching television until she fell on the couch at 1:45. Beth woke up when she heard a noise coming from the kitchen.

She got up from the couch to see what the noise was. She went into the kitchen and looked at the clock. It was 3:28. She looked around the kitchen and then said "I guess it was just my imagination". Beth decided to go upstairs for bed. When she started going upstairs, she heard a "BANG!" She ran downstairs and went into the kitchen. She saw the window was wide open. She ran back upstairs to get the kids. She opened the door and found both of the kids dead on the floor. Beth looked at the window and it was wide open and on the wall it said "I will be back for you" Beth Screamed. She tried to call the police but the phone wires were down.

Beth yelled "HELP SOMEBODY!!!" Then the door swung wide open. A women came in with a kitchen knife that was found in Beth' s kitchen. The killer screamed "I have killed your husband an your two kids, NOW I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!" Beth started screaming and ran. The killer started running to get Beth. Beth jumped out the kitchen window. The kitchen window was on the first story. Beth fell and the killer jumped out and dropped the knife. That was Beth' s chance. Beth struggled to get the knife but she got it. The killer started struggling to get the knife back. Beth pinned the killer down. Then she started running away. The killer said "I WILL BE BACK FOR YOU!!"

Beth ran two miles to the police station. She ran in and said to the front desk "She is after me!" "Who?" the cop said. "A CRAZED KILLER IS AFTER ME, SHE KILLED MY HUSBAND AND MY TWO SONS!!" Beth said. Beth explained the rest to the cop. The cop said "Tomorrow we will start the crime scene." Beth said "why don't we start it now!!"
"Because it's 4:00 in the morning!" the cop said. Then the cop said "you can sleep here tonight if it helps". Beth said "OK thank you very much." The next day, the crime scene started. A few days after it started, Beth was found dead in a motel. The only evidence was a wide open window. A few months later they found out the killer was Heather Fogel. Heather Fogel had committed twenty- two murders in 15 years. All the murders were families. She was sentence to life in prison.





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Matt T. said...
Apr. 5, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Thank you for your opinion.
 
CatCave said...
Apr. 5, 2009 at 3:39 am
it has potential, butyou didn't leave anything to the imagination. i suggest using more adjective and different sentence structures to make your writing more colorful. actions scenes are generally more difficult write but this lacked suspense.
 
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