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January 13th, 2016 at 8:16 a.m.: CNN wishes all of you a happy Friday! Make sure to check out our article about the long term effects of sleep deprivation while you sip your coffee!

January 13th, 2016 at 1:21 p.m.: BREAKING NEWS: Woman admitted to local hospital supposedly ‘comes back from the dead’ just minutes after she passes away during heart surgery. Her nurses are calling it a ‘miracle’.

January 13th, 2016 at 1:23 p.m.: CONTINUED: From recently acquired information, the doctors performing the surgery on the resurrected woman reported, “Her heart wasn’t beating when she sat up. Her eyes were half-shut as if she were still asleep and her jaw seemed to be unhinged from her head. Next thing we knew, she lunged at us.”

January 13th, 2016 at 1:27 p.m.: CONTINUED: One surgeon concludes that she was making strange noises from her throat and then she toppled from her bed. She was dead as soon as  the doctors were able to reach her. Detectives and surgeons from neighboring hospitals are already investigating the situation as we speak. More information to come.

January 14th, 2016 at 9:08 a.m.: Another case similar to our “miracle woman” has been reported in California, and another in Washington. Both were dead for several minutes before seemingly, “sitting up and walking around as if nothing had happened.” When approached, the resurrected people tried to attack and possibly kill anyone near them. Further information to come.

January 14th, 2016 at 9:24 a.m.: BREAKING NEWS: A new virus has been identified in the  western part of North America, quickly named DTZ-1. It reportedly keeps the brain alive while the rest of the body is dead, which explains the walking around without a heartbeat. It is unknown whether it is contagious and what else it has in store.

January 14th, 2016 at 10:12 a.m.: Another report of a dead man getting up and walking around has been reported in New Mexico. His youngest daughter says tearfully, “He tried to attack me and I ran. He seemed to be growling at me and it his eyes were glassy. Drool was pouring from his mouth before I ran out of the door.”
January 14th, 2016 at 11:01 a.m.: BREAKING NEWS: Reports of DTZ-1 are flooding in from all over the globe. The dead are now walking the streets unconsciously in all seven continents. One man from a small town on the outskirts of Philadelphia says, “They walk around as if they’ve been shot and I’ve even seen them attack an elderly woman. It was gruesome.”

January 14th, 2016 at 1:09 p.m.: The DTZ-1 victims are attacking any people who come too close to them, supposedly trying to kill and “eat” them as many have said. We advise you to stay indoors at this time until this issue is resolved.

January 14th, 2016 at 3:45 p.m.: PLEASE READ: Do not approach anyone who seemingly has a limp, their mouth is hanging open, making strange gurgling noises, or has pale, almost white skin. These people could be incredibly dangerous and lare most likely victims of DTZ-1. Stay away from them at all costs.

January 14th, 2016 at 9:56 p.m.: The virus has spread to most parts of North America. In almost every state, every town, there have been reports of attacks from the dead walking the streets. We urge you to stay indoors and make as little noise as you possibly can. It has been proven by many that the victims of this violent disease grow more agitated and are more alert to loud noises.

January 15th, 2016 at 2:09 p.m.: The President of the United States has become of victim of DTZ-1. Worldwide panic has ensued. We insist that the anyone left reading should find safe shelter immediately and wait. Find help and those you can trust.

January 15th, 2016 at 3:05 p.m.: A mass power outage has shaken the United States. People, dead and alive, litter the streets, the highways and the now empty cities. We leave you with this:  Avoid the walking dead, find those you can trust, and wait for the reinforcements. This is CNN, signing off. Good luck.

October 29th, 2018 at 6:37 p.m.: Hello? Is anyone reading this?

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