I hate cigarettes, why do I even smoke them? I know the answer to that question, I just don’t like it. The answer is that I’m just too big of a coward to do what I want to do and not what any of my so called ‘friends’ think is cool at the time. I’ve learned to skateboard to fit in, I’ve gone to countless parties, skipped classes, smoked, drank, even gotten arrested and for what? Just to get THEIR approval? I know that’s not the real me, I would never do those things. Maybe I’ll just stop being this fake me from now on and just be me, it’s got to be so much easier. Oh stop kidding yourself Rose, you know you won’t, you never do. But I want to, I really want to. Maybe this time I WILL do it, I’ll just… I’ll tell them how I really feel. I mean, how bad can it really be? Bad, it can be bad. I’ve seen what they’ve done to other kids they don’t approve of, hell, I’ve even helped them do those things and I’m not proud of that either. I don’t even know why I argue with myself over this, I just can’t do anything about it yet. Maybe when I graduate I can get a good enough job to get my mom and brother out of here and then I don’t have to worry about any of this. Maybe one day I can just be me and not... whoever I’m pretending to be. Maybe.
The Voice of a Rose
May 18, 2017