Smiles(I'm not okay)

April 27, 2017

When you try to pretend to force a smile
but it never turns out the right way.
In some ways your plan does work,
Because they never seem to notice the tears in your eyes,
Or the scars that you pretend are not there.

You hate your image, and you never do anything right,
You are scared because you don´t know what you are capable of.
Every single time, you attempt to be happy, someone brings you down.
They don´t know that every time they joke about killing themselves,
You actually want to be dead.

Trying to blend in with the crowds so nobody sees,
You do a pretty good job.
Clearly nobody notices you.

I am not okay.
I wish someone would understand that.
I want someone to talk to and not be judged by them.
To feel loved, and not walk down the hallways alone.

Just one night, without crying,
without hidden screams,
and bloody blades.
I do not know what to do.
I am scared of myself.

I can not control the monster inside,
because on the inside, the monster is changing,
it´s changing into me...

¨Mommy i´m scared.¨
¨Mom i do not know what to do.¨
¨Mom........i need you......¨
I don´t know what else to do.

¨Mom,......are you there?¨
¨Mom, are you listening?¨
¨Can you hear me...Mom?¨

"Why did you leave me?"
"Mom........come back......."
"Please, you are the only one who understands.."
"Mom......"






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