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Dear Journal

By , Minster, OH

I may be moody,
I may be sad,
I may be broken,
But that ain’t bad.

Chapter 1: Dear journal

Dear Journal,          04-06-17
Hi! Many don’t know about me, and that’s why I am writing this. I want to tell you about me. When people first meet me they think I am really pretty, which I can’t agree with because I have bad skin care and I get bad breakouts also known as acne. People say I have pretty blue eyes. But, honestly, I can’t agree with that either. I have this thing with my eyes. Apparently it has been there the whole time, but the eye doctors just now found it. Usually, normal people's eyes are round but my right eye is in the shape of a football. It’s called a astigmatism and it makes me feel different. Like I am not normal. Like I am not like everyone else and I used to wear glasses, but everyone made jokes, calling me “four eyes”, swearing they were just joking. I didn’t believe them… Then, there is my nose. It is so pointed and people make fun of me, calling me a witch because my nose apparently looks like a witch nose. And...I can agree with them, honestly. And I know...It may seem like I am stating all the negatives but everything they are saying, is true. My mouth isn’t perfect either. My top lip doesn’t stick out like everyone else’s. It looks like I don’t even have a top lip most of the time. And my chin looks funny when I smile, which I never used to do until I got my braces off. I honestly probably look like a deformed potato.
People don’t know this, but I like being distant. I have reasons to be distant. I don’t have to deal with drama, gossip, rumors, things being spread about me, other people talking about my best friends, but most of all I don’t have to deal with getting hurt. People also don’t know that I like to hold everything in...I hold in my feelings. I try to tell myself that everything will be ok...and it doesn’t work. It get’s worse and worse. And then one day I just blow. I let everything out on the one person that I care about the most. I say all the things that can hurt that person. And then I can’t forgive myself. Because I just hurt the only person that I cared more about in this whole world. And I really don’t want to do that anymore.
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I may be moody,
I may be sad,
I may be broken,
But that ain’t bad.
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Then there's you...the one that was there for me all the time. The one who never left me alone. The one who always bought me things, and totally changed the way you live, just to please me. The one who always worried and always wondered if I was ok. The one who I had spent my whole life with… six months...six months with you. I always watched your every move and I learned a lot about you. But, things had changed…
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I hate the way you talk to me,
I hate the way you always judge me,
I hate the way you say things, not knowing that it will hurt me,
I hate the way you tell your friends things, that you know aren't true about me,
I hate the way you look at me when you're mad,
I hate the way you think I don’t ever understand.
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Sincerely,
Unknown




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