Recipe for a Failing Grade

April 7, 2017
Custom User Avatar
More by this author


Truckloads of empty note papers
Galaxies of binge-watching hours of every show on Netflix
Vials of indetermination
A pocketful of yummy snacks
Tears, roughly a pinch
A sprinkle of missed school days
Limitless supplies of social media apps
A wink of sleep
A boat load of coffee
Half a piece of pencil lead
A heap of incorrect, but answered questions (due to qualified amounts of creativity)



DAY 1:
1. First, collect the beautifully designed outline note papers from the teacher, and perfectly fold them to make a paper airplane. (Send the airplanes flying around the school later in the day.)
2. Mix in the vials of indetermination, well only if you so please.
3. When you get home after a long day of doing nothing, binge watch as many of the possible Netflix episodes as you can, before taking a slight break to slice up a pocketful of yummy snacks.
4. As you walk back up the stairs to watch more Netflix, cry roughly a pinch of tears.
5. While you are watching Netflix, realize that you’re behind on your episodes and that you can’t stop in the middle of a season, so sprinkle in some “because I want to and I can” skip days to make up for lost time. While you don’t call yourself in, check your snapchats and instagram feed.
6. WAIT… you need sleep to live. Take a quick 20 minute cat nap to make sure you don’t die.
7. Wake up after that stunning night’s rest and slam a boat load of coffee before continuing the Netflix extravaganza.
8. Let sit for another day or two.

DAY 2:
1. Quickly rush to school, so you are only an hour late (instead of two.)
2. Take out your pencil with only a half piece of 0.5 lead left; scramble to make up answers on the short answer portion and play your most unstrategic guessing game on the scantron portion.
3. Enjoy!

Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

Site Feedback