Modest Proposal: A satirical solution to Drinking and Driving

November 11, 2016
By MatthewRogers BRONZE, Freeland, Michigan
MatthewRogers BRONZE, Freeland, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 0 comments


It is melancholy object to drink and drive. Drinking and driving is a huge problem that our society has today. It is something that will cause many problems for our future such as legal troubles, medical bills, or even death. Drinking and driving is not something that our society should take lightly, mainly because it is a problem that can be prevented easily.

I think it is agreed by all parties that the life threatening occurrence of drinking and driving is something very severe in the United States.  In 2012, 4.2 million adults reported 121 million alcohol impaired driving episodes in the past year (Hingson 6).  This number is staggering , and is something that can easily be 100% preventable. Someone needs to step up and take initiative to end this  absolutely horrible problem before every single person in the world starts to drink and drive 

But my intention is far from being confined to provide only for the betterment of the United States citizens lives. Not only will the number of deaths caused by drinking and driving be diminished, but also people will start to live a healthier lifestyle. People will start to live a healthier lifestyle because of the absence of alcohol in their blood. They will also feel much better about themselves since they are not putting themselves or others in danger anymore.

As to my own part, I have studied the proposals of other projectors, and concluded that they are not nearly as efficient as they claim to be.  One of these proposals is random breathalyzer tests on the road. Random breathalyzer tests are supposed to help determine who has a high bloods alcohol content in the road. The problem is the police are pulling over all of the people who are driving the legal limit of blood alcohol content, while they are letting the people who are drunk continue to drive on the road and cause accidents.

I will now present my own idea, which I hope will not be subject to any disagreement.

I humbly offer it to public consideration that humankind as a cohesive and cooperative unit, should encourage every driver who drinks and drives to put down their beer and start texting and driving. This I believe is the only solution that our society has. Humans are already the best at texting, so why not do it while we are driving?

In this scenario, we will explain to everyone how texting and driving is 100% safer than drinking and driving. We will tell people the truth: less people historically have died from texting and driving accidents than drinking and driving accidents. This will encourage drivers to put down their alcoholic beverages while driving and start to pick up their phones while driving.

Of course, after everyone is encouraged to text and drive, we will start to hand out phones at random to drivers. This will be done in place of random breathalyzer tests. This way if police see someone with an alcoholic beverage in their car, the police can take the beverage out of their car and replace it with a brand new phone. This will ensure that everyone stays safe on the roads.

These drastic and sudden changes may be slightly difficult to implant in society today. This could be difficult because cell phones can be expensive to buy for every drunk driver on the road. This also could be difficult because the police may not know that the driver may have a cell phone already in their possession. If everyone works together to solve this issue, these changes can be done with no difficulty whatsoever.

I can think of no valid explanation that may be introduced to antagonize this proposal, unless it is claimed that texting and driving is more dangerous than drinking and driving. They might say this because when you are texting and driving your eyes are not on the road which causes whoever would think of such an ignorant thing to say to the public is beyond comprehension, but research can be done to show that a lot less people have died from texting and driving compared to drinking and driving.

Again, no one should dare to suggest these notions to me until they have a small spark of hope that these actions may be implemented.

It is not that I do not respect the input of others on the subject of solutions to this topic, but simply that I have spent a very long eight days researching recent methods to ending this huge problem that we have today, and I feel that this method is the only method that we can use to permanently end drinking and driving. If we want to end the madness, we need to start today.

The author's comments:

This piece was a satire writing we did for school

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