The Me I'm Not

By , Quasqueton, IA
A scream pierced the air. Zoe Chambers shook in fear. She knew what the scream was and who it had come from-she just didn?t know how to stop it. She wiped the invisible threads from her face and hair and climbed out of her cot.

Zoe tiptoed across the cold, damp, cement floor towards the thick metal door. She looked out the tiny window every door in BHR had. Nothing.

She glanced behind her, thinking that she had seen something, but there wasn?t anything there. Slowly she knocked on the door. Still nothing. She started throwing herself at the door, ignoring any pain that came and screamed at the top of her lungs. ?Get me out of here!?

When nobody came after the longest time, she stopped. Then, slowly, there came a tall man walking towards her direction. He said nothing as he reached her door. All he did was take his keys out and unlock it. Then, seeming to take forever for Zoe, he finally opened the door and peered in at her.

Zoe had climbed back into bed but she sat up, letting the tears run down her face.

?What?s wrong Zoe Chambers?? the man asked. ?Did you have another nightmare?? his face seemed to loom over her head, checking her pulse, just like all the other people who worked here.

Just like him?she thought bitterly. Why did he come for Zoë ´his time? Zoe screamed just for him, this man. She looked away from him and stared at the blank walls. They had once seemed so life threatening. Now they seemed like a miracle.


?No.? she whispered. ?Leave Zoe alone! Zoe just wants to leave; Zoë ·ants to see her family. Her daughter. Why can?t Zoë ¤o that? Why doesn?t Zoë’³ daughter come and see her?? Zoë ´hrew her hands out from under the sheets and shoved the man hard.

He didn?t move an inch. He had been trained to take care of people like this. People like Zoe. She thought bitterly.

Zoe wasn?t stupid. She knew what was wrong with her. She just couldn?t stop it, not in the least. Zoe knew what had made her daughter stop coming to see her. Zoe knew?she knew it all too well.

?Zoe,? the man said, sighing. ?You are in BHR. You know that. You have maniac depression and you?ve been here for almost a year. Your daughter no longer comes to see you?and I believe you know why. You?re just too scared to let yourself know that.?

The nerve of that man! Telling Zoë ·hat she doesn?t want to hear. Why would he do that to her? Why? She needs to be loved and cared for, even if it means not telling her the truth. She needs to be sheltered from reality; she needs to hide in fantasyland. She needs all that to survive. Why can?t this man see that? Zoe thought in an angry stream. She glanced at the man again to see if he could tell that she hated him.

He was staring at her, looking puzzled. Then everything on his face went blank. She could no longer see what he was thinking.

He knows. Thought Zoë® He knows?suddenly Zoë £ouldn?t stand it. It was too much to bear.

The silence was pierced once again by a loud sob. Choking off, Zoë ¬ooked horrified. Had Zoë ´ruly started crying? Zoe never cried! It?s impossible for her to cry. See what you?ve done to her? You made her cry. Why? Does it make you feel better, make you higher up on the scale in this place? Zoe couldn?t control her thoughts any longer.

The man pulled a needle out of a bag. Zoe hadn?t seen the bag when he first came in. after he sedated her he slowly got up and left the room. Leaving her gasping for breath, trying to stop the tears.





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