Let it go
Have you ever felt as if you meant nothing to the existence of humanity or that you just wanted to give up? Have you ever caught a glimpse of your own reflection, and were sucked into a sudden state of mere adhorrence? Or how about seeing yourself as a nuisance instead of a human being; fighting the urge to end it all? Im talking about self-hate. Every person on Earth has undoubtedly experienced it and most have gone through hard times trying to cope. Some can never get away from it, and are stuck with a deep antipathy for themselves until the day they die. It's a hard feeling to overcome, and it can ruin everything. But me, I did it. I changed for the better.
I had always been one to make resolutions for the New Year. I wanted to better myself and my life. Ineptly, I could never keep one resolution, to love myself. I never really accepted the fact that this was the beginning of my self-hate rollercoaster. In denial, I didn't make it much easier to help myself. I kept most of my resolutions throughout the year, but i just couldn't promise myself this one, because I truly did not believe it was something I could change. For too long, my thoughts and feelings were overpowered by an intense hatred for everything, including myself. I couldn't even look into the eyes that were my own without feeling disgusted with what I saw. Never did once think to myself that I was beautiful, inside and out. I never could accept myself for who I was, and instead, always wanted to be something I wasn't.
My happiness came out of the blue, isn't that strange? I had just been so miserable in this state, and I started to give up. I had hit rock bottom, I just wanted it all to end. Then, I realized one day, that nothing mattered. I had been worrying all my life about what people thought of me or how it could be better. On this day, I forgot about everyone. I let every thought leave my brain. I didn't give my worries any mind, in fact, I completely lost them. I had let everything go, I was myself again, and I didn't mind. I was suddenly happy with who I was and I had no care in the world for what others thought of me. I'll always find it unusual that my lowest point in life brought me to the highest, but I think thats how it works. The low parts in life teach you, and make you the best person you can be.
People always told me that finding confidence wouldn't happen overnight, I needed time. They said I had to believe it would get better, and to never give up on myself. But let me give you some advice: Giving up is all you CAN do. To dig yourself out of that deep hole of sadness, you just have to let go. Let it all go. It's the only way.