I push you up to my lips as I inhale your killer instinct. My lungs aren't containing the oxygen like they did when we first met. At first it felt like you had given me life but you had put on your addictive mask and have been ending it all along. Seeing celebrities deal with the abuse made this all seem possible, but when I smile at my friends they take one look at me and run away like my self control. You’re always there for me. You know how to fill the open spaces in my schedule. Who needs to take a break from life when you get the chance to be a part of a silent conversation. There's nothing better in the world then sitting on the offices outdoor bench with your rough fingertips pushed up against your lips preventing you from being able to speak a single word, but still being able to look at your phone where it is reminding you that you have a doctors appointment to go to. A doctor's appointment filled with breathing tests, ct scans, treatments, and shaved heads. You are my life, you've been controlling it since day one without me even realizing it. Being carried, to strolled, to driven to walking on my own down a street everyday people are influencing my life. I'm blaming my last words on them, because right now all I have is you.