Jordan

February 28, 2009
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Tap tap tap.

'Hey, let me in!'


She stumbled to the window and opened it to let in her best friend. She felt that pang of pain in her heart that she got every time she saw him. But she didn't let it show, like always.



'What are you doing here you psycho, its 3 in the morning!' she giggled.


'I'm hurt. Are you not extremely excited to see me?' he asked with a mock tone of hurt in his voice.


'Shut up, you know I love you,' she said while playfully smacking him.


They sat down on the bed with grins on their faces as he pulled something out of his bag. It was a jar, and in that jar was a firefly.

The girl smiled as she remembered his promise, to someday trap light in a jar for her. She took the jar and hugged him, letting out everything she was feeling.


They laid down, his arms around her. They may look like they're in love, but really its just an extreme friendship. She began singing to herself like she always did when she had something on her mind:


And later in the darkness, like that dream of you I had

Where we captured all the fireflies and we knew what time we had

Could be counted on your fingertips, that almost made you cry

And you let me hold you tightly, as we said all our goodbyes.


'Mayday Parade again? Learn a new band!' he said jokingly.

He looked down as he felt a tear drop on his arm, and he saw her crying silently. He kissed her forehead and whispered, 'None of that tonight. You know I'll always be here.'

'I know but I want you HERE. Not just in my mind or my heart, but HERE where I can hug you and hit you and just have you around,' she said sadly.

'Shh, I know, I know. Its okay, just let it out,' he said lovingly.


And so she cried, for hours upon hours. And as she slowly fell asleep, he sat their thinking. He wasn't really afraid of dying. He was more afraid of what he would miss, especially moments like these. He was afraid of hurting the ones who loved him by leaving them, even if he couldn't control it. He subconsciously pulled her closer, not by choice but by mental need to be near her.



The next morning when they woke up, they went out for a walk. They laughed and talked, like they always did. It was comfortable, it was right. Every person who walked by thought, 'Oh what a cute couple.' They were used to this by now, but they still went out of their way afterwards to remind everyone that they were just friends.


She started to get that sad look on her face, the one she got when she thought of losing him. He noticed, and pulled her on to his back. He ran like wild and she giggled and forgot her thoughts. He was always so good at making her happy. Its no wonder they were best friends.


But then things got worse. He continued getting sicker and sicker, and she got more worried and more worried. One day she went to see him in the hospital. When she walked in the room, both of their faces lit up. She went and jumped on his bed, laying her head on his chest.


'How you feeling today dorkface?' she asked with a smile in her voice.

'Pretty good, considering I'm sick as hell,' he replied with a bitter note.




And so she began to cry. She cried for him and his illness, she cried for herself and her worry, and she cried for everyone around them, everyone who had to watch them both suffer. He mumbled apologies over and over, and whispered promises that they both knew he couldn't keep.


'I'm okay, it's okay. Everything is fine. It will all be fine,' he promised with false hope. She tried to stop her tears and finally got herself under control.
She went back to herself, and punched his arm for making promises he can't keep.


'Jerk, you know you can't promise me that,' she said with more anger than she intended. He nodded and agreed. They sat their and talked for hours, laughing and crying and a mixture of the two. Some conversations were serious, some were ridiculous and some made no sense at all. It was like nothing else existed, no pain, no suffering. Just them.


One day she got a call. It was time to say goodbye. With tears streaming down her face, she walked with a slow quickness in her step up to his room. He was in his bed, half unconscious. She slipped in silently and sat down next to him. She laid down and wrapped her arms around him. He stroked her hair as she tried to find the words to say goodbye.


In the end, she ended up just whispering, 'I love you. You'll always be with me, I promise I'll never forget you. You're my best friend in the entire world. I'll miss you. Goodbye''


He murmured his farewell back. And then he went. No pain at all, he just slipped away to that better place. She sat up, kissed his forehead, and walked out.


She walked for hours, wandering aimlessly around the city park. Silent tears were sliding down her cheeks, but she was too empty to bother wiping them away. She didn't know where she was walking to, or where she even was. She just needed to keep moving, needed to remind herself that she was alive.


Friends called her, frantically making sure she was okay as they found out the news. She just stayed on the phone in silence and listened to them. When she finally returned home, she walked slowly up to her room, almost zombie like. She laid on her bed, hugging the pillow that she wanted so desperately to be her best friend.


And then she lost it. She sobbed for hours and hours. She went through her memories with him. She cried uncontrollably for days. She slept little, she ate nothing and she was practically a shell for weeks.




One night, she actually fell asleep. She dreamed about him, and how happy they used to be. They were sitting on a swing, that one in the park. He turned to her and begged her to be happy. He said to appreciate the time they had, not the time they spent apart. He asked her to live her life to its fullest, and to be her old self that everyone loved. He said even in heaven it killed him to watch her be miserable. He told her to go back to the girl he knew and loved, because without her happiness heaven might as well be Hell.


She woke with a start, gasping with the shock of seeing her best friend again. From that moment on she promised to return to normal. She slowly began regaining her happiness. She was hanging out with people, smiling, laughing. She was herself. She was back.


But during those instances when people mentioned him, she faltered a bit and got a broken look on her face. But she hid it, and she was so good at it. When she saw pictures, or talked about him it still hurt. She felt that pang of pain in her heart that she got every time she saw him. But she didn't let it show, like always.





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