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Trips and Falls Friends with Laws
“Jordan another D, you need to work on your grammar for the next test.” Mrs. Madison said. Mrs. Madison is our English teacher. Our; meaning me Haley, my twin sister Jordan and the rest of the class. “Haley, another perfect score, good job!” I was a straight A or precisely an A student, as for my sister she is a straight D student. My sister and I are from two totally different worlds, she is popular I am a dork; she is a cheerleader I am the captain of the science and math club. The only people that look up to me like I am popular are Marshy and Louis, they are in the science and math club and they are also my best friends.
“ So Haley did you get another A ?” Marshy said this as if she already knew the answer. This is what we always talk about on the walk home.
“Yup, how about you?” I said.
“ I got an 85%.” Marshy is a decent student in school she mostly gets 80’s or 90’s, it all depends. Marshy is short, tan, and a brunet. She isn’t a gothic, but she liked wearing black. She never does that devil, spooky, “I am going to kill you” kind of thing, she is a pleasant girl.
“Hey guys, wait up!” Louis called from behind. Lois ran like a duck and his face sort of looked like one. He has orange, curly hair and pale freckles, his nose is big and pointing upwards like a who from Who Ville. He was a decent student too, the only reason why they do the science club is because they do no after school activities.
“ Hey Louis, can you come over my house tonight for Friday night pizza?” Every Friday night at my house I invite over my friends and Jordan would invite over her friends and boy friend, for pizza.
“Only if your sister is going to be there” he replied. Lois has had a big crush on my sister since 1st grade. The thing is he has no chance because Jordan is dating the hottest kid in the 7th grade, the star quarter back, Michael Rollins. Not Mike, Mikey or Mikey Mike, just Michael. He is a classy kind of football player he likes his name to be said right.
“You are so obsessed Lou!” Marshy was right he was.
“Yeah, she going be there, don’t worry, and so will her boy!” I said with a loud laugh at the end.
“Ah come on, fig newton!” Louis said with his feet stomping all over. Lois never said any bad word it was against his thoughts. He is like weird like that, he is against saying suck! Who doesn’t say that even the dorks, like me say that.
“Okay well see you guys tonight, 6:00 don’t be late!”
As I walked in the front door all I heard was Jordan doing her idiotic cheer to my parents. “M –I-R-S-H-A-L-L WHAT DOES THAT SPELL? MARSHALL, MARSHALL, MARSHALL MIDDLE SCHOOL, GO WHALES!!!!!” Right there shows how stupid Jordan can be she can’t even spell her own school name right. If she were smart she would know it is spelled M-A-R-S-H-A-L-L. I don’t even know why Jordan is so loved at Marshall, I mean wouldn’t you think Haley is a prettier name then Jordan? The name Jordan is like a boys name. Jordan isn’t even that pretty. She has blonde hair like all the other cheerleaders but her nose is so different. What hot guy wants a girlfriend with a nose like a demented elephant? Unlike her I have a normal nose, but my hair is maple and curly, not Shirley Temple curly, like Emmy Rossum curly. I am at the height a 7th grader is supposed to be, and most of all I am older than her! Most of the fantasy stories I read about is with two twin girls and the older one is more loved. But I highlight the word fantasy because none of mine ever come true.
“Haley, get your big head down her right now!” Jordan said. Jordan is the only one who calls me big head that is her nick-name because my head holds a big brain. But if she was saying it litterly she would be lying because I have a normal head.
Running down the stairs, I tripped over my own foot.
“What was that?” my mom said throwing her rag down running to help me up.
“Did she fall again?” Jordan called. Her friends were laughing in the back round. Kristen and Ann. Michael the nice guy he is wasn’t.
“Are you okay Haley!” Michael said
My face was blushing, and not because he is cute because I felt like crying. My knee was gushing blood.
“Hey, hey, what’s up Maxwell family!” Marshy said ramming threw the kitchen door.
“Hi Marshy, where’s Louis?” I said.
“You mean that dork is coming!” Jordan said getting up from the table.
“Yeah he’s coming he is just carrying the Ouija board in.” Marshy said with a mouthful of pizza in her mouth.
“Your friends are sleeping over too!” Jordan said surprised. “Come on Mom you said my friends can sleep over tonight!”
“Yes, I did,” Mom replied.
“See!” Jordan said with her arms crossed. “Hmm.”
“And I also said that Haley’s friends could sleep over too,” Mom said with a tone as she knew she would be yelled at next.
“Uh, are you kidding me, this is so stupid now we’ll have to play that Ouija board thing with them,” Jordan said making a mean face at me.
“I like that game,” Said Michael
“Shut up Mike,” Jordan said.
“My name is Michael,” He said with anger.
“Whatever, does it really matter?”
“Jordan Anastasia Maxwell, be respectful or I am sending your friends home!” My mom said this with an arrogant tone.
“Fine, let’s go guys we have to get ready to play Ouija, isn’t that going to be fun?” Jordan replied.
By the time we started playing the Ouija board it was 10:00.
“Okay listen up we all know, how to play the Ouija, so if anybody doesn’t want to, leave now,” I warned. Ann started to get up but Jordan pulled her down. The last time we played Ouija with Ann, it revealed that she was obsessed with her brothers best friend, and he is a year younger then her.
“Okay who’s first?” Louis asked.
“I will be.” Jordan said confidently.
“Alright I will give you a couple of questions, but here is the first one.” I said fearing what might happen. “Okay, Jordan, who do you really want to date?”
“What are you serious?” Jordan said nervously.
“Yes I am serious!” I said with a giggle.
“It better be my name that it lands or we are over!” Michael explained.
“Okay lets start the game, now here in this house we play a different way, only the person who is asked the question puts their hand on the thing, so Jordan.” I explained.
The Ouija holder was rotating around the board. The first letter was L. Could it be Lance Miller, he was the kicker on the football team. The next letter was O. Is it Louise, he is a French exchange student and on the cheerleading team. The next letters were U, I and S. But it wasn’t Louise because it made a dead stop.
“LOUIS!” we all screamed
“We are over Jordan!” Michael said
“But I was going to break up with you anyway!” Jordan said
“Whatever!” Michael replied “Now it is my turn, Ouija me and ask the same question Haley.”
“Okay, now go.” I said
Michael’s hand was rattling through the board to the first letter, it was a M. Yes it was Marisa. Marisa is the second most popular girl in school. Still set on it being Marisa, the second letter was an A. than an R. Then a S. All there was left was an I and an A. But the letters that came next was an H and a Y.
“MARSHY!” We all cried!
“O M G!” I said. But this wouldn’t work unlike Jordan and Lois because Marshy didn’t like Michael.
“Ha, ha Jordan!” Michael said in satisfaction.
“ I love you too!” Screamed Marshy, with a blushed face.
“You do?” Michael asked
“Yes!” she replied.
After that little surprising section of my life, we all fell asleep.
The next morning Jordan and I put our differences apart, and I made friends with Ann and Kristin. Jordan made friends with marshy and made girlfriend with Louis. Marshy and Michel are dating. And it became my first real fantasy. As for me I am planning to be single and successful like Oprah.
“As you know the school dance will be taking place on Saturday, December 10th. Make sure you have a date,” Mrs. Madison said. I think she was directing that comment to me. Everyone in the school has a date except for me. But you know as I said ‘I am going to be single and successful like Oprah’, well I am not sure if that is so true any more. The last time I told you about my story were when I was in 7th grade, well now I am a mature 8th grader, and by meaning mature, I don’t day dream any more. That’s right no more fantasies of jobs or any role models; I don’t look up to anyone. But anyway let’s get back to present day when I am crushing on a “hot” boy that is an exchange student from England. His eyes sparkle pale blue and his hair, I can’t explain it, and I think it is gold. But most of all I love the English accent, it is so attractive. The only thing standing between me and Daniel is Marisa. Do you remember when I told you when Marisa was the second most popular girl in school, well now she is the first. This happened after Jordan became friends with me, I moved up one level and she moved down one, so we are in the normal average group.
“Haley………… Haley…….. HALEY!” Kristin woke me out of my day dream. “Hurry up if you want to buy the oodles and noodles for lunch!”
“Oh my God I am going to be late. They better not run out,”
“So are we going to eat pizza at your house or are we going out tonight?” Michel questioned.
“I say we go to the bowling alley. I think a special someone is going to be there too, hint, hint, Haley,” Marshy said while she was winking staring at Daniel on he other side of the hall. He was standing with Marisa laughing.
“No, no, no, I don’t want to go to the alley tonight, or ever. You remember last time we were there? My finger got stuck in the ball, and I had to go to the ER!” Louis said shaking, hoping for a hug. Which is exactly what happened… Jordan came skipping over with her pony tale swinging back and forth.
“Hey, guys, you won’t believe where we are going tonight!!!!” Jordan said smiling with her bright whitened teeth. “We are going to the couples bowling night tonight at Strikes Alley!”
“Oh boy!” Louis said sarcastically. You could see the ‘help-me’ look in his eyes. But Jordan is still her normal self. She would never notice.
“I can’t wait, I ordered matching outfits for all of us, and it will be a blast!” Jordan said clapping her hands. We all looked at her with disgusted faces. “They are bright pink, for the girls of course, and I was thinking of a color that was pretty but a masculine color, so the guys are wearing purple!”
When we got to the house there was a package sitting by the tall wooden front door.
“Hide it!” Michel whispered in my ear. I quickly grabbed the box and went around the side of the house to the back door and put it in a plant.
“Okay, the package with our uniforms should be here somewhere……. Heeemm…… they said it would be here today at promptly 3:00 and it is 4:00, I am appalled, I am calling the company right away.” Wow. I thought to myself, but then again that is something that Jordan would do.
As I hear the beeping dials, I was wondering what she would say on the phone to the guy should I tell her where I put it, or let her go? I let her go.
“Hello, hi my name is Jordan and I ordered 7 bowling uniforms, 2 purple and 5 pink for 3 Ainslie Avenue, West Chester, Pennsylvania. And I would just like to appoint to you that they are not here on time, and I need them tonight!” she said getting red faced.
“Yes ma’m. It says here that it was sent to your door at 3:27 sharp, and we usually do not have liars nor late- workers,” the lady said, trying to stay as happy as possible.
“Well, I am sorry to break it to you, but that streak of non-late workers and liars seems to have terminated. I checked my front door, and they are not there!” Jordan stated correctly.
“Well, maybe if it was not at your front door, it might BE AT THE BACK!” this time the lady was heard loud and clear, like she had her teeth stuck together with bubble gum.
“That is ridiculous, why on Gods earth would it be in the back yard? Are you nuts I think you are!” Hoping she wouldn’t she walked to the back door, opened it, and saw the package on the pot of plants. “Okay, they were there. I found it,” Jordan replied, losing her anger while she became calm.
“See, and by the way I am allergic to nuts! Hah.” The lady said relaxed and relieved of Jordan’s come backs. The sounded like a little girl that was immature.
“Well imply this to your snooping-friends, IF YA WANT TO WRECK SOME ONE’S GARDEN, WRECK YOUR OWN!” Jordan said as she slammed the phone down. “If a lady wants to mess with me, that is what she gets.” Jordan said with a big smile drawn on her face. “I can’t wait for you to see the outfits!”
As Jordan slowly opened the bags, we all crossed our arms, fingers, legs, and Marshy, the only one able to do this, crossed her eyes………………THEY WERE HIDEOUS!
The girl’s uniforms have fluffy fancy hot pink sleeves, while the boys have a big orange bow right in the middle of their shirt. When she took them out of the box, she had a big smile slapped on her face. “Oh my gosh they are more beautiful then I thought!”
“There is no way I am going into the bowling alley, wearing this!” I said.
She looked at me with a growling, fierce look. I ended up wearing it.
As I entered the bowling alley, everyone was pointing and laughing. My face turned bright red! But most important Daniel saw me, and so did Marisa she was with him giggling. “Oh my gawd! Are you trying to win a contest Haley?” I did not reply. “I think you are for the ugliest clothing! Ha-ha!” Marisa must think she was very good at comebacks because she was pitting herself with laughter.
Jordan walked over with her hands on her hips and a glare on her face. “Okay Marisa, if that is your real name, first of all these uniforms are very fashionable unlike your last season Prada bag and that fake fur coat, I think I am going to start calling you………. Faux-……………..risa!” Jordan is such a copy cat she so took that from the Clique books. But Marisa looks like she is one of those girls who can’t even read, so she looked hurt.
“ I can not believe you, this is not fake fur…….I got it all the way from…….Polish!” Marisa replied back with confidence. “You know the state next to England, I think I would know because MY boyfriend speaks like that!” he looked at her with a weird look but then smiled like he was thankful to even have a girlfriend.
“First of all, England is a country! Polish is a language, the country is POLAND!” Jordan said. Wait, Jordan said that? Jordan is the dumbest person I have ever in the world and now she knows that Poland is a country! Last week she didn’t even know that we lived In the United Sates! I
“Yeah, well that is true Marisa,” Daniel said this with a face that said I-am-going-to-get-in-trouble.
“I don’t care if that is true or not, WE ARE LEAVING,” Marisa took Daniel’s arm and stopped out of the bowling alley like she owned it.
We still stayed in our lovely outfits waiting for an alley to open, and when it did I was hoping it didn’t.
“There is an alley open go get it Louis just don’t stand there we don’t have all day!!!” “Go, Go, GO!! RUN WHAT IS TAKING YOU SO LONG A TURTLE CAN WALK FASTER THEN YOU!” Jordan said. But Louis didn’t have a problem running; he had a problem with all the people in his way. Not knowing that after the last person he pushed threw he would be at the line that says do not pass he passed it, let me add sprinting. He ran threw the line slipped and threw him self to the ground in the middle of the lane. Hurrying over Marshy asked.
“Oh my God Louis are you okay?”
“Oh my god shake it off be a man get up lemme hear ya graw!” Jordan said not caring at all.
“Owe” Louis squeaked.
“Not owe, graw, errrrrrr!!” Jordan said
“errrrr!” I said pretending it was Louis
“Haley I know that was you.”
“I think I sprained my spine.” Louis commented
“Is that possible?” Kristen said
“No duh Kristen your spine is near your ankle!” Anne added falsely. That would explain where Jordan became so dumb.
“Get up buddy, my dad is a doctor, I’ll take you to him, upper doodle.” Michel offered.
“Okay let’s go!” I said. As I thought to myself on the way home of all the terrible things that Marisa did to get all the boys away from all the girls and make them her boyfriend, I became happy, and a scary happy grin appeared on my face! I was going to get Daniel and Marisa to breakup.
“What is that smile, Haley?” marshy asked.
“Well I have an idea to get Marisa and Daniel to break up!” I said “And then he will be all mine!”
“Oweee, nice I like the way you think!” Jordan said
“What are you going to do?” Kristen asked curiously.
“Well I was thinking that I would put a note in Marisas’ locker from Daniel and it will be so mean and bad that she will never even want to talk to him ever again!” I replied.
“How mean are we thinking?” Marshy asked
“You’ll see, we will start planning tonight!” I said in a ready mode.
As soon as we got home, we heard the phone ring.
“Hello.” Anne said, “Oh hey guys, is Louis okay?” I looked at Anne and then at Jordan, for the first time Jordan looked worried about Louis. “Okay come over later”, “Bye”
At the same time we all said, “What happened?” Jordan’s face was bright red and she had worried look on her face.
“Please tell me he is okay!” Jordan pleaded with a stutter in her voice.
“Well, his spine is broken and he is afraid you are going to break up with him because he says he looks like a dork.” Anne said
“Oh my God, Louis always looked like a dork!” Jordan said.
“Ehemm,” I said looking for a change of mind.
“But he is my dork and a very kind and worried one!” Jordan said recovering herself from might have happened to her.
“And he also has a cast on his neck!” Anne said. O-m-g I said to myself, how on earth could this happen! Well then again it is Louis.
“Any way he’ll be fine, so let’s get cracking down on the devious plan to get Marisa crying to her mommy!” Marshy said ready for a big gulp of evil.
“Okay this is what is happening, I am going t o type up a letter, and here is what I am thinking to say,”
All the fun times we’ve had, eating fish and chips you going to the Lu and I walking you there. Well I am afraid to say those times are done. We have to go our separate ways and maybe one day I will see you again, when I am a jail keeper and you are the person that I will be putting in jail. And if my first dream job does not work out then you can always pick up a magazine and I will always be on the front cover. Well I would just like to say goodbye and fair well, and try not to fail geography class!
“What do you think?” I said happy of my proud work.
“Well I think it is not very mean just creepy, Marisa would walk all over him.” Marshy said.
“Yeah, Marshy is actually right, Marisa is a big…….. block of ….. ummm….. evil… that’s it.
Ding Dong ding dong ding dong
“I wonder who that can possibly be, Louis and Michel said they would be over at 9:00 it is only 8:40,” Anne said surprised.
“Hello, My name is Sir George Cooper and I am here to sell you paint.” A strange man about 4” tall with a big black curly bear and funny accent said.
“I’ll take care of this,” Jordan whispered. Of course she would, she always does. As she walked over to the door with a sweet smile on her face the man looked like he could just pinch her cheeks. But instead of putting up a fight, she just slammed the door right on his face.
“What does he want now!?” Jordan said exhausted.
“Okay ma’am I need your full attention, my paint is only $3 dollars and it is quality paint, so if you would just sign here I would be happy man,” He said looking a little fierce now.
“Okay how tall are you? I will answer that. Shorter then me I will not take control and orders from a 80 year old man that sells paint that I can get all messy with!” Just when Jordan said that I came up with the best idea! I ran into the kitchen and got three dollars out of the ‘get rich’ jar and gave it to the man and took a can of paint from the box on the cement next to him.
“What did you just do, that probably has a bomb in it or something!?” Jordan explained.
“Oh My god my mom is not going to be happy if I come home in burnt clothes…….I am going to die! Ahhhhhhh!” Kristen said, while she started running down the twirly stairs and screaming, “We are all going to die, oh my god what did I do to deserve th-----“ she stopped there when she fell and landed flat on her face, that was when we heard a thump.
“Oh my gosh!” We all exclaimed
am I am I alive?” Kristen attempted to get up but she was so dizzy that she just fell back down to the ground.
After we got her ice I explained to them the plan and why I bought the paint, that by the way was real paint.
“Okay this is what is going to happen I am going to hang the red paint in Marisa locker and when she gets her book it is all going to fall on top of her. The note will be in the front of her locker so she will get that first read it, get her book thinking she is going to go talk to Daniel but really red paint is going to fall on top of her. It will be great!”
“I LOVE IT, GENIOUS!” marshy added, her addition made me confident that they would take place to help me with it.
“Okay the locker they must always stand at must be Marisa, because the boy always goes to the girl before the classes, and then tomorrow before school we will go with Anne and her mom to school early because I am guessing she has a morning detention!” I explained
“Hey!” Anne said.
“It’s true!” I replied
That night Louis and Michel never made it to the house so in the car we just explained the plan to them. When we got into school I went to the locker, where the plan will be affiliated, lucky us she did not lock her lock so we had no point in bringing Michel’s dad’s ear, hear beat-y thing.
“Okay I will just put the tiny can of red paint at the top of the hanger and tie it to her first period book, which is Spanish.” ‘Perfect,’ I thought to myself knowing it would work, with 4 minutes to spare I put the note in the front of the locker closed it and left. When the 4 minutes came to an ending we pretended we just got at school and walked in with the others.
“WHAT?!” I screamed as I saw Daniel getting ready to open the locker. I looked across the hall and saw Marisa opening another locker. I landed my eyes on Daniel wondering what he would do.
All the fun times we’ve had, eating fish and chips you going to the Lu and I walking you there. Well I am afraid to say those times are done. We have to go our separate ways and maybe one day I will see you again, when I am a jail keeper and you are the person that I will be putting in jail. And if my first dream job does not work out then you can always pick up a magazine and I will always be on the front cover. Well I would just like to say goodbye and fair well, and try not to fail geography class!
“Wait what this makes no sense I wrote a note to myself, this is weird, and I never walked Marisa to the Lu, how dare I write that!” As he ended he reached for his Spanish book and paint splattered all over him. And the English teacher who was 90 years old saw this site and started screaming.
“Bloody child, help help bloody student, call the ambulance!!!!!!” She started running around in circles, repeating herself. Then the mean, strict Gym teacher came out once he heard the screaming
“Oh my God who on this very green earth would bring a gun to school!? Who did it, put your hands in the air!”
“And wave them like you just don’t care!” Kristen added stupidly.
“Oh Miss Kristen what ever your last name is how dare you mock me!” The teacher said
KRISTEN WHATEVER YOUR LAST NAME IS HOW DARE YOU MOCK ME?” Kristen said a bit confused
(In a baby (mocking) voice) “Oh Miss Kristen whatever your name is how dare you mock me!” He said obnoxiously.
“Owee are we playing a game?! Fun I love games, okay my turn ready (in a bad man voice) “Oh my God who on this very green earth would bring a gun to school!? Who did it; put your hands in the air! How good was that!?” Kristen said waiting for applause. I could not believe she just did that.
After all the teachers found out that it was just red paint they were releaved, but when they found out it was us they were ecstatic……….. they love giving detentions.
“I can’t believe I got a detention, me of all people, the smart beautiful, caring kind girl, got a detention! It is really shocking!” I said surprised
“Don’t flatter yourself!” Jordan said
“And the worst part is Daniel didn’t break up with Maris,.” Marshy added
“Hey wait up!” I heard and English ascent behind me!
“Yeah, don’t yell at them it was all me!” I said rudely.
“I did not come here do yell at you I was just going to ask…..”
“Yes I would love to go out with you!!!!!!!!” I said in the zone!
“I wasn’t going to ask you out, I was just going to ask you if the paint was washable because I am going to the American Mall after school and I cant look messy, it will make Marisa look bad!” Huh, I thought to myself, what, all wrong not what was supposed to happen.
“Yes it was washable,” I replied
As he walked away I thought maybe being like Oprah wasn’t such a bad idea!
“Baby burn!” Kristen added in
“No Kristen just leave, walk away like that never happened, you ruined the moment!”
“Fine!” Kristen said.
In the end I never got a date to go to the dance, I got two, but I had to share them, they were Louis and Michel. But anyway As surprising and as hurtful and let me add humiliating as that was I learned one important thing that I am going to now live by is the saying ‘boys have cooties’!
“Everyone, we have a brand new Exchange student from France. Here’s Claude!” Mrs. Madison held her hands out like she was introducing an Emmy award winning star. As he came into the room my heart dropped…because an Emmy award winner was exactly what he looked like. He was wearing a barrette over his beautiful chocolate wavy hair. He was wearing a black pin striped blazer with a light red bow-tie. He marched in waving two French flags and humming the French national anthem. After I admired his sweet, gentle singing voice, I noticed his amazing, sparkling, new Italian shoes. They glistened with the rays of light coming from the lights above of us. It seemed as if Heaven was shining down on him and angels were singing “ALLELUIA, ALLELUIA, ALLELUIA, AL-LE-LU-IA!” I immediately jumped up out of my seat to be the first to greet him…in French. “Bonjour, Miseur.” I said in a flirty voice.
“Oh la la. Madison I see that we have a French connection in my clase today,” he tickled my chin as I saw those eyes look into mine I lost my balance and fell off my feet and landed on Sammy Sneeze-A-Lot…the notorious sneezer. He smiled as I landed on his desk.
“Excuse me,” he said breathing deeply, almost as if he was about to…Oh Man! “Achoooooooo!!!” he sprayed a disgusting sneeze right into my wide opened mouth. Then the bell rang and everyone left me there to rot including Mrs. Madison…except for Sammy.
“So Haley I hear your single and ungermafied, I like my ladies clean!” After I finished gulping the hand sanitizer in my mouth I screamed,
“Well not anymore!” and stomped away after I threw the bottle at him.
“Call me!” Sammy screamed desperately.
“Thanks guys for waiting for me…..I feel loved,” I said sarcastically.
“Haha. Did you clean out your mouth?” Marshy asked.
“Haley, did you see Mr. Frenchy….I think I am gonna take French now!” Jordan explained.
“yeah I saw him….I think I am in love!”
“in the name of love…before you break my heart.” Kristin interrupted.
“No Kristin…I am in love with him…HALEY YOU CANT DO THAT!” Jordan screamed. “I just explained how I love him and that I am going to take French class….because of him. And in the Book of Friendship it is just wrong if you like the same guy as your friend….you should know that.”
“Well then I see we have a problem….because I saw him FIRST!”
“Pish posh,” Jordan said, “There is no way that you will have a chance with someone that gorgeous and French-y as him! Just look what happened between you and Daniel….foreign exchange students just aren’t your type.”
“Shut up Jordan I am who I am and I will fight for what I want…so shove it!”
“Cat fight,, Meow…Hiss!!” Kristen added.
Claude strutted down the hallway and stopped at our feet, “Bonjour, Mademoiselles. I see ve have a problemo in this hallvay. Ohhh, I am feeling hot.”
“It’s getting hot in here! So take off all your clothes!” Kristen started dancing.
“THANK YOU Kristen.” (Jordan)
“Oh hello Claud-o, no fighting….but if there was….I’d win!” Jordan snapped a look back at me as she rubbed her fingers through his hair.
Louis came running down the hall. “Oh no! My Cupcake! My Honey bun! My Sweetart!” He looked as if he was about to sob. “How could you do this to me?! We have been going on strong for one year, three months, two weeks, six days, twelve hours, and eight seconds. I BOUGHT YOU A FRUITCAKE!” He sniffled, and then continued. “AND FUZZY SLIPPERS!” He was completely sobbing now. I saw Jordan take a glance at Claude when she realized he had quiet a confused look on his face. She then immediately pushed Louis into the bathroom and locked it while she was on the outside. The only thing is….it was the Girls’ Bathroom!
Louis looked around only to see that Valerie Crush-too-Much was staring at him with her big, magnified, green eyes. She pushed down her glasses to get a better look at him. She tried to strut to Louis but ended up tripping over her feet and landed in Louis’s arms. She attempted to flip her hair but instead ended up flipping backwards onto her pocket-protector. She rocked back onto her knees and started crawling and making tiger noises. Louis was very uncomfortable. She stood and tried to wink, but she twitched, instead. Then Louis replied with a snap in a Z formation saying, “Oh no you didn’t.” After that Valarie snuck back into her lonesome stall. Then Louis listened into the conversation of his lover and Frenchy with his ear to the bathroom door.
“Excuse Louis he is so childish these days, so how might you be on this lovely, afternoon?” Jordan asked.
“Delightful! Except for the rumor I hear of you and that Louie-boy taking it steady!” Claude exclaimed.
“Huhhhhhh! Whom I might ask told you that?” Jordan gasped.
“Well about everyone in the whole building of classes,” he crossed his arms and said, “Hach.”
“Well I see we have a case of liars,” she replied.
are you positive?”
“Yes. Pinky swear.”
“Vell then I spit on liars.” Claude said as he looked around the hallway, saw a person and spit on Sammy Sneeze a lot. Sammy looked up and down and all around. And then started sprinting screaming,
“ The ceiling is leaking, The ceiling is leaking, RUN FOR COVER.” He then dove into the closet trash can. You could hear muffling coming from sanctuary. Then the bell rang. We went home where the true war began.
“You heartless two timing freak, how could you hurt me and Louis like that?” I screamed sharply at Jordan.
“What are you talking about?” Jordan asked, while she poured orange juice into a cup.
“You know exactly what I am talking about, Don’t pretend you don’t know.” I exclaimed while pouring me a glass of apple juice.
“It’s not my fault Claude likes me and not you!” She screamed back at me.
“Don’t go there sista, your uglier then an elephant in mud. ”
“YOU WANNA A PIECE OF MEEEE???!!!”
Then Kristin automatically did her roll, ”You wanna a piece of me, I Mrs. Extra, extra, this just in, Mrs. She’s too fat, now she’s too thin, doesn’t matter if I step on the scene, or sneak away to the Philippines, their still gonna take pictures of my derriere in the magazines. You wanna a piece of me, you wanna piece of me?”
“NOT NOW, KRISTEN!!! Then we both met each others eyes. This is where it begun.
We then slammed our glasses down, on the counter and we went for each other, hair pulling after slapping, after tackling, after juice throwing, after unnecessary noises and occasional ‘ouches’ and ‘oweessss’. Then Michel and Marshy came in and broke up the brawl.
“I hate you,” I said.
“I hate you more,” she mimicked.
“Don’t be sippin’ hate-er-ade, home skillet!” Michel said.
“O geeze, never again, Michel!!!!!” Marshy added. “Okay so why so much hating?”
“Big, wacked, Jordan stole my lover!” I explained, truthfully.
“Noooo….your lover stole mwaaa!!!!!” Then out of no where, Louis walked in wearing a barrette, a fake curled mustache and a big red bow tie, he wore for Halloween last year when he was a clown…he also wore wanna be Italian shoes.
“ughhh…your pathetic! Get a life, or buy one on e-bay.” Jordan commented rudely. We then both orded everyone out and went to bed, for some beauty rest. The competition was starting tomorrow.
When we went to school the next morning, Jordan was dressed in a small dress that was in the pattern of a French flag. I was wearing a sweater vest with my plaid skirt…it was gorgeous. Then Louis appeared walking in with leather pants and jacket, black, with a white shirt tucked in. He had a black motor cycle helmet, like he just got off of a motorcycle. And a radio on his sholder, it had the song ‘hood’ playing. He looked ridiculous. “I’m so hood, I wear my pants below my waist., I’m so hooooddddd !!!!!!!!!!!” Then behind Louis, stood Kristin, and she was saying…
“Bad boy, bad boy, whats ya gonna do, whats you gonna do when we come for you.” She was bobbing her head like a chicken. Then the music turned off.
“Yo, Yo, Yo. Wassup?!” Louis said.
wearing?” I asked.
“Dawg, you aint liken my apparel?” Louis replied.
“NOOOO DAWGGG……..no one likes your outfit.” I answered back.
Marshy walked over and said, “ Whoah Louis, are you by change trying to imress Miss France, or otherwise know as x-girlfriend Jordan?!”
“Speaken of me lady…..here she be,” Louis began to walk up to Jordan, “Hey hottie, was sup???”
“Louis!, hello foolish child, oh let me tell you a little about this….umm how do I say this……..were….ehh……..OVER !” Jordan walked away as Louis feel in to pieces, his heart was broken and he fell to the ground and started to weep. He was a sensitive
boy. Then Jordon walked over to Claude and began. “Hey, hey, hey, Claude, so I was thinking maybe we should take this relationship to the movies tonight, 8 o’clock, sounds good, perfect, see ya there bring a hot friend, Haley is coming.” Jordan walked away, I didn’t even care, I was done, done I tell you. I then walked over to Claude. And he was talking to himself.
“Hot friend, Hot friend, Hot friend, louis LOUIS LOUIS.” Then he pranced off, to find his special friend.
“Louis, I was told to bring a “HOT” special friend to our date tonight…you in me friend?” Claude asked.
“Umm…our date?” Louis questioned
“Uhh yah, Jordan and Haley are appearing der.” Louis told me he thought that meant they were getting back together.
“I’ll be there.” He replied.
As we entered the movies, Claude and Louis were dressed in their best. Louis in his famous lime green sweater vest, while Claude with his chocolate pin stripped pants and grey sweater vest, and black bow tie, and of course the famous Italian shoes. Not to mention Claude and Louis were linked arms, Claude stood up strong and proud while Louis looked uncomfortable.
“Hey guys,” I said
“Come on Claude lets go get seats next to each other!” Jordan demanded
“What! I thought we were getting seats next to each other Jordan!” Louis exclaimed
“Vhat dis is despicable! Ewverone knows me and my hot and spicy friend are sitting next to eachcozer! Louis lets go !” Everyone looked confused, when claude said that.
“O jeeze !” Louis and Jordan said at the same time. All three of us looked at each other and left.
Au revoir Claud.
“Is anyone else going to sign up for the summer trip to Spain?” Mrs. Madison called out to our class. I had already signed up. I was not going to miss my chance to get away from all this foreign exchange student drama.
“I’m going to miss you guys!” I said sarcastically. I was going to miss everyone, except for Jordan. I needed to get away from the little witch.
“We are going to miss you, too!” Marshy said.
Kristin began to sing, held my shoulder and swayed from side to side, “I miss you, I miss your smile, and I still shed a tear every once in a while, and even though its different now, your still here somehow, my heart wont let you go and I need you to know I miss you.”
“Kristin that is about a grandfather that died, so just break up the love fest,” Jordan said.
But that’s not the story I have to tell. That’s only the beginning.
So I was walking through the airport casually looking for my plane to board when all of a sudden I hear my name. I looked up to see who it was.
“HALEY! HALEY!” I was sadly disappointed to say that it was Louis, Jordan, Marshy, Anne, Kristen, Daniel and Michel. I don’t think it’s possible to feel this bad when you see your friends. “We are coming with you to Spain!” They were all so happy and jubilant as I stood there shocked with sadness in the middle of the airport.
“Wait, how did this happen? I mean….the sign-up sheets were already filled out.” I tried not to sound too upset.
“Well, we told Mrs. Madison that we didn’t want to let you go alone and that you were going to miss us so much and that we wanted to surprise you, and so she signed us up! Isn’t this great?!” Daniel said. He looked around at a blonde girl walking with her luggage bag. She looked like 20 or something. What was he thinking when he said, “Hey baby, you want to go for a ride in the trolley? We got cheap chocolates,” he ended with a whistle. She turned around and came up to him.
“Are you serious? Of course, no way, how much is the chocolates?” she said.
“I don’t know, about 50 cents,” he replied.
“Awe. Too bad, I have 54 cents, and the chocolate is 50, I am sorry. Bye, bye. Maybe I’ll see you later? Call me, write this number down, 455-0763” she waved back and walked to her seat.
“Hey Michel, you see that, the works of the English accent.” Daniel said feeling very accomplished. He walked over to another woman this time with red hair he put his hand on her chair and said, “You wanna take a ride on the Danny Trolley?” the woman turned around, and she had wrinkles all of her face with a mole right on her nose. Daniel then quickly added, “Actually the Danny Trolley actually seems to be broken, umm…maybe later, BYE.” Daniel walked over to us looking scared out of his wits.
We all then did a “hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha” simultaneously.
Michel then added, “Alright Danny Boy lets go, don’t be too hard on yourself, chocolate can always tend a broken heart.”
We arrived on the plane and sat in our seats ready to take off. It was me next to Kristen, who was next to Anne, and across sat Louis then Jordan next to another random guy. In-front of us was Marshy and Michel.
“I am so hungry I need food now, like now, like a mocha or something like immediately. OMG if I don’t get my mocha I swear to this pilot. EXCUSE ME MISS, YES YOU THE LADY WITH THE SNACKS AND DRINKS COME HITHER.” Jordan said.
“Yes ma’am, how may I help you on this airplane right now?” she said keeping a smile on her face.
“Um, I don’t know, but for the last 20 minutes I was calling for a mocha, which is what I want.”
“Okay, I will go get the coffee guy for you. Just don’t be so mean, I have to deal with that ugly stuff with my kids.” She walked back and rung for the coffee guy.
“Jordan Inesta Maxwell, why are you being so mean to that lovely lady?” Louis said.
“What is it to you, Louis? If she has a problem with me, I have a problem with her.” The coffee guy came over to Jordan and gave her the mocha. She leaned across Louis and starred at him. That stare, was a pick-up line stare.
“Hey, coffee boy, do you by chance own a band-aid?” she asked him. Oh jeeze, this had to be the stupidest pick-up line possible known to men on earth.
“Um, why, my lady?” he asked.
“Because, I scraped my knee, falling for you.” She said satisfied.
“Oh, aren’t you just the bee’s knee’s. I reckon I don’t, but if you will take this number and call me sometime I bet I will have that band-aid ready for you….with some Neosporin.” He winked as he handed Jordan the napkin with his cellular number on it.
“I will do that. Thanks” Jordan said. She turned around to me and gave me a smirk.
Those eight hours couldn’t go fast enough. Jordan kept causing commotion and then flirting with a new guy, which made Louis very, very upset.
“Alleluia!” I screamed. “Thank the lord!” We finally landed the plane in Barcelona, Spain. The fun was about to begin. Or at least, that’s what I thought.
We all walked out of the airport with our bags and our hair all messed up. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Jordan shrieked.
“Ahhhhh! O-M-G.” She was obviously shocked about something. God knows about what, though.
“What is it, Jordan?” I said, impatiently. Barcelona was calling me and I didn’t want to miss one minute of it, especially if Jordan was the one holding me back.
“Is that……Ricky Martin?!?” She screamed as she dropped her bags, took out her camera, and took continuous photos of him. He just looked around, oblivious to the wanna-be paparazzi.
“Shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon!” Kristen chimed in. She was singing Ricky’s famous song while shaking her own ‘bon-bon.’
“Oh me stars I am quiet the fan of the musical man, Ricky Martin. I think I will go take a picture with him with my picture camera.” Daniel said pulling out his camera from his brief case.
“Jordan, that’s not Ricky Martin,” Marshy said.
“Oh, well, he was really cute anyway.” Jordan winked as the walked towards us to pick up her bags. Just when we thought that she couldn’t flirt with anyone else, she proved us wrong. We walked over to her.
“Well you just flew that airplane fabulously if I may say myself,” Jordan said to the pilot.
“Well little miss I did take a 4 year air plane flying class.” The pilot replied.
“Well maybe I should take a pilot class, and you should be my teacher?” The about 40 year old man looked weirdly at her.
“You know I am married, right?” he said showing her his gold ring.
“Oh yeah she does know you are married she is just um obsessed…with your badges?” I said trying to back her up…when all the sudden Daniel came over looking at his camera.
“Guys look at these pictures I got with the Rick-ster” he said snapping his fingers and winking at the so-called Ricky as he passed us, “Oh well hello there Mr. Pilot you did a great job flying us to Spain today, kudos!” he said as he saluted him.
“Kudos?” Michel asked Daniel, “What does that mean?”
“Congratulations of course!” he replied.
“Oh well then, Kudos, a job well done,” Michel said to the pilot.
“Alright, well I should be on my way see you all later, good-bye.”
“BYE BYE!!” Jordan said.
Then Kristin began: “Bye, Bye birdie………………”
“That was lovely Kristen,” Anne said.
“He was hot for an old man,” Jordan added.
“Alright let’s go…on our way,” I said.
BARCELONA HERE WE COMEEEEE!!!
We walked out of the airport on to the streets of Spain. I was holding a map, Anne was holding her in-haler, Marshy was holding her camera, Daniel was holding a chocolate bar, Michel was holding a first-aid kit, Kristen with a pretend micro-phone, and Louis was holding Jordan.
Jordan pushed Louis away and said she would be right back. She walked over to a Spanish teenager and started her flirting.
Poor Louis stood behind her, carrying all her bags, crying. He walked over to me, “Haley, look at your sister. What a loser, she has her flirt on again; for like the 8th time. First the pilot on the airplane, then the guy at the coffee shop, then ‘Ricky Martin,’ and now Mr. Espanol.” He sniffled and tried not to make it completely obvious of how heart-broken he was.
“Louis, that is only four,” I replied staring at Jordan, who was twirling her hair with her nicely manicured finger. Louis began to walk over to Jordan and the Spanish guy carrying 6 of Jordan’s bags.
“Well, hello, Jordan, who is MY girlfriend,” he said as he attempted to make a glare at Spanish guy. Then he turned to Jordan and gritted his teeth, “Honey, aren’t you just getting your flirt on. Let’s go, we have to get to the hotel.” He grabbed Jordan by the hand and pulled her away, “Oh yes, and bye to you to Mr. Spanish.”
“Jordan, you are in a relationship. You should not be going around and flirting with other guys,” I said standing up for all the boy friends and girlfriends around the world who were just as scared and well, useless as Louis. But you gotta love the guy.
“I know. Sorry,” she replied pretending to be sympathetic. I couldn’t help but notice her eyes drift towards yet another Spanish fellow.
“She’s doing it again,” Louis growled.
“Unbelievable. The things I have seen in my 14 years of life,” I said to myself.
“ Exuuuuuseeeeeee Meee” I looked over to see Louis doing a dramatic walk towards Spanish boy #2 with a look of pure hatred in his eyes.
“Jordan sweet apple of my eye, sugar of my coffee, chocolate of my chip, Words of my dictionary, wind of my wings, shoes of my feet, hairs of my ears, nails of my fingers, petal of my flowers………”
“Louis Winslow Friskin! Get Away!” Jordan unkindly shoved her hand in his face and pushed him away. But that didn’t stop him from continuing.
“The boogers of my nose, the ground beneath my feet, the blood of my veins, the pupils of my eyes.….” He walked down the street and gave me a sly, rather clever smile. He did that on purpose.
The man with Jordan walked away from her with the strangest look on his face. I don’t think he understood one little word that Louis said. He walked in the opposite direction of all of us Americanas. He was not a friendly man.
As Jordan angrily stomped past Louis and me, we giggled under our breaths and paced our steps behind her. We stopped at every shopping store because Jordan always had to buy something. It was either a purse, or perfume, or a dress, or make-up, or even the most casual pair of jeans you would ever see. Her excuse for getting them was, “There from Barcelona, Spain; not boring old Boring, Oregon!” We all just sighed to her reply.
The next day, we all decided to go to the Art Galleria. Supposedly there are a whole bunch of really expensive paintings that Marshy and Michel wanted to look at. So, to follow their requests, we all traveled on a subway to Madrid to go to this ‘must-see’ gallery. Jordan and Javier couldn’t get any closer without combining bodies. I seriously wanted to throw-up my lunch. It was disgusting.
We were all looking at this fabulous painting of the sky in Rome by some famous painter I have no clue about when Jordan and Javier suddenly kissed! Not only did I witness it, but poor little Louis did, too. Well, I wasn’t going to put up with this. I reached out and pulled Jordan by her hair. “How could you?! How could you cause Louis so much pain?! He really cares about you! What kind of evil little witch are you? I have never been so repellent to say that you are my sister.” Now that was what I called a full-on serious burn. Yeah, she probably was crying now but she deserved it.
Next thing I know, Jordan grabbed my right ear and flung me against the painting which feel to the ground with a big thump. So then, I poked her in the eye and stomped on her foot. Her reaction was to spit in my eyes and pants me. Oh gosh, I forgot to wear shorts under my skirt today. Darnit.
“Wah Wah Con Wa Chi, No No. eh eh eh eh eh. Pants pants. Camra camra, undi undi pic cha cha” an old Chinese lady from across the floor starting screaming and took a camera out of her purse. It was like I was at a photo shoot, I was about to pose, but then I realized that would not be lady like or classy.
Then a little girl started chanting, “I see London, I see France, I see that girls under pants!”
Kristen seemed amused by this girl’s comment, that she started chanting along and saying “Again, again, good job.”
“NOT NOW KRISTEN!” I screamed at my odd friend.
As it turns out, Jordan and I and everyone got taken to this scary, juvenile place. All the walls were white. It bothered me terribly. This was not the place for me. Anyway, apparently I got taken there for leaning against a prized painting and causing it to drop. Also, I was there because I was involved in the fight that disturbed the silence and sanctuary in the Art Galleria. Jordan was there for starting the entire ruckus. And everyone else was there because they knew us. Ughh….this summer trip was certainly not what I had hoped.
We sat down in this very calm and collected woman’s office. I knew this would not go smoothly from the moment we first walked in.
“That was quite the cat fight. Meow! Actually, it was rather entertaining considering the audience. The Chinese lady went ‘Ca ca Chichi Haja.’ I bet that means pants went down, down.
“Why hello there, ladies and gentlemen! How may I help you all?” This woman was very energetic…maybe a little too energetic.
“Ughh well, I am Haley and this is my stupid, selfish, horrible twin sister, Jordan.” I pointed to that little witch standing next to me.
“Yes, apparently that’s me. But it’s not my fault that guys are attracted to my charming, clever pick-up lines.” Jordan said in her defense.
“Well, at least I don’t go behind my boyfriend’s back and purposefully flirt other men that I’ve just met!” I was getting good at comebacks. They should make it a sport. I bet I would win the World Championship.
“But you don’t even have a boyfriend to cheat on!” Oh, forget that idea; Jordan would take that from me, too!
“Alright. I can already see the problem. Normally, in this situation, we would go straight to counseling, but I see that you all need to step aside and see each other’s point of views. So we are going to lock all of you in a concentration room and hope that all of you will set aside your differences and become the least bit nicer to each other.”
Now, let me tell you. I did not like this. I didn’t like my sister, the room, this place, that lady’s shoes or even the lady for that matter! After all, she was making me stay in a solitary room with my worst enemy….and a bunch of my friends but that’s not the point.
“This is all your fault, Jordan!” I screamed at her. “If you weren’t so caught up in the boys from Barcelona then we wouldn’t be here right now!”
“Well, if you didn’t say all those nasty things to me back at the Galleria then I wouldn’t have pushed you into the painting and then we wouldn’t have been sent here now would we?!” she yelled.
“Ladies, ladies! Settle down, now.” We looked over and saw Daniel meditating in the middle of the concentration room. “Just….relaaaxxxxx.” He slowly started to roll over, got in a meditation position like a Chinese man. And started singing, “All my girls stand in a circle and clap your hands, this ones for you, ups and downs, highs and lows and no matter what you see me through.---my boyfriend he don’t answer on the telephone I don’t even know where the heck he goes. But all my girls, were ina circle and nobodys gonna break through. L-O L-O L-O L-O-V-E; L-O L-O L-O, Oh, did you hear me say? L-O L-O L-O L-O-V-E; L-O L-O L-O…..”
Then he began to breathe in and out like you would at a doctor’s office if you were getting a check up. I looked to my right, and I saw Kristin….in fetal position…muttering something to herself. “Kristen, remember what mommy told you, ‘If you get locked in a little white room….look for windows.” She looked up at the ceiling. “There are no windows! Waaaaa!” She started wailing, shaking, and rolling. “Shake and roll. Shake and roll. Kristen, shake and roll. Shake and….bake!” She smiled. Kristen was getting her mo-jo back. She stood up and began, “I remember when, I remember when I lost my mind. There was something so pleasant about that day. I think I must be crazy! Does that make me crazy? Does that make me crazy! Possibly.”
“Kristen, settle down. I’m meditating,” Anne said serenely.
“1 and a 2 and a 3, meditation! 4 and a 5 and a 6, meditation! 7 and a 8 and a 9 meditation! HEEEYYYYY MEDITATION!” Kristen kept walking around the room doing the ‘meditation’ version of the Macarena. Meanwhile, Jordan and I were strictly ignoring each other.
“You guys really need to stop this sibling rivalry if you want to get out of this place,” Marshy and Michael said.
“Well, why don’t you go tell Jordan that I’m not talking to her until she realizes what a pain in my butt she is and apologies…to me and Louis,” I said convincingly.
“Fine.” They walked over to Jordan and started talking when suddenly she burst out in laughter and starting screaming.
“I AM NOT APOLOGIZING TO HALEY AND LOUIS! IT’S HER FAULT WE ARE IN HERE! IF SHE WASN’T SO CLUMSY THEN…”
That was the last straw. “IF I WASN’T SO CLUMSY?! HOW ABOUT YOU’RE NOT SUCH A BUTT TO MY FRIENDS AND I THEN WE WOULDN’T BE IN THIS SITUATION!” I was sick of this; sick of the fighting, sick of my sister, and certainly sick of this white room. I had to get out of here.
Just then, the door unlocked and the woman came into the room. “What’s all the commotion? I can hear you girls screaming from out there. And these are sound proof walls. And I don’t like noise. I start to hyperventilate,” she said breathing deeply.
Jordan and I locked our angry glares at each other, but we didn’t say a word.
Anne went up to Louis and gave him a wedgie. Ouch. And then the counselor screamed, “STOP IT! STOP IT! I can’t breathe. Walls. Closing. In. Around. Me.”
Then, Michel and Daniel started arguing about who had the best pick-up lines. “Are the police after you?” Daniel started.
“No. Why?” Michel replied angrily.
“Cause you’ve stolen my heart!” Daniel said winking.
“How about….Are your legs tired?” Michel said.
“No. Why would you ask such a silly question?” Daniel responded.
“Cause you’ve been running through my mind all day.”
“But it’s only noon,” Daniel answered confusingly.
“Settle down, boys! I can’t take the noise,” the woman said crawling into a corner.
Kristen sat in the middle of the entire fuss and Marshy stood next to her. “Come, they told me, pa rump pum pum pum! Ding, ding.” Kristen was singing.
“Kristen, that’s the wrong pitch!” Marshy insulted her.
“I can’t take this! I’m going to die! Suffocating! No air!” the woman started shaking.
“Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air! Can’t live can’t breathe with no air! It’s how I feel when I know you ain’t there! There’s no air, no air!” Kristen sang.
“AHHHH! Tell my parrot, Polly, I love her and goodbye!” This woman was seriously disturbed.
Just that moment, we realized it wasn’t us who needed help…it was her.