My name is Joe Austin, I was born in a cracker factory, so I met some other crackers but I got stuck with 5 other crackers in a missile pod. Well it all started when my top and bottom half was created then my insides were put together and made me a cracker. I have a mom and a dad, but I can?t contact them because I?m in a missile pod. I am a cheddar cheese peanut butter cracker. There are many different types of crackers. But other foods hate us because were crackers, but their just haters. Sometimes I?m like ?sh****t? man I wish I was a cookie.
Well during my process of being born the giants that make us like to get a hammer and smash us for fun, but I was a lucky cracker so its all good. Well in my missile pod there is this girl that is just like me. We look the same but she is a girl. So I got here some earrings and a necklace because I think that I?m in love with her. She is my Shorty for life. Well when our missile pod was being transported and some giant decided do take a drill bit and start drilling into our missile pod. He killed my Shorty and I was like ?sh****t? no! So I started my journey in some place called japan.
All of the giants looked alike. I was amazed when I was born because I saw these huge giants that didn?t even look like look like us crackers. So then my missile pod was packed with other pods in this big brown box thing. So we were being sent on a mission. I don?t know what but something. Then like 2 days after we got packed some giant opened the big brown box. He took us out and put us on some giant rack thing where there were different types of food. There were cookies, brownies, and some twinkies. They just hate on us crackers. Just because we are crackers they think that we are lower than them. Then the twinkies tell us stories about when a giant comes in this store thing that they pay the owner to eat us! I was telling everyone in my missile pod that the twinkies were just trying to scare us. But then a giant came into the store with two littler giants. And they grabbed my missile pod and the little giant opened our missile pod and ate one of my friends! I was so scared that I jumped out of the missile pod but the other little giant caught me. I knew that I was done for.
But then the bigger giant said that they have to pay first so I had a couple of seconds to think about my life. Then I realized that the giants make us. We have no parents it was just one big plan to make us think that we were going to live for many of years but it was the total opposite. So then the little giant waited for the bigger giant to pay for me then the little giant opened its mouth and bit me! And then it bit me again. So half of my body is gone and all of my peanut butter is falling out of body. It was a horrible day. But now I?m in cracker heaven. I found the girl that died in my missile pod. So we chilled and life is going on and on. So I?m like the king of cracker heaven because I?m the bomb like tick tick!