Rebirth of Vampire

February 5, 2009
By Kelpie91 BRONZE, Bridgeport, Connecticut
Kelpie91 BRONZE, Bridgeport, Connecticut
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Night fall. I'm trudging through the swamp now. Frenzied. My body violently shakes, nearing convulsions as I hurriedly find my way through this dense fog. My presence is at home with eeriness. The green mist only deep wooded swamps give off, a vile stench, the chill that sends Goosebumps. You'd quiver nearing my presence. I'd send you sinking, I'd let this mud devour you whole. In front of me you'd cease to exist. Lucky I suppose, to have the privilege to embrace death. I on the other hand hunt endlessly, confined to eerie environments permanently.

On this godless night I plan to cheat immortality. I'm almost there now. They won't hear me nearing them at first. Snapping twigs don't make a sound at the speed that I travel. But they'll soon hear my heavy breath, a thunderous unnatural growl. It's almost comical now that I think of it. How I'll be leaving behind all these worldly pleasures of mine. The sweet smell of fear, of weakness. Their expressions of terror almost warm me. Emotions are so trivial; there are only hunger, fear, and rage in my understanding. I am divine because I live so simplistically. Without distractions you feel everything. In this world the only thing that matters is feeling. Right? They will never understand each other the way I do. Have you ever looked into the eyes on a doomed man? There is humility, a blazing light in their eyes. Within those few moments left with me you actually get the chance to live. Just you and I, no distractions.

You might wonder why I am rushing to meet them now. No, of course I don't rush usually. I have an eternity to spend finding things like them. Hunting them slowly. Tricking them into following me into dark alleys and heavily wooded areas. Even today I still find the hunt a simple and easy process. I think that they instinctively want to meet their demise. As short as their existence may be, joining the other side quicker presents it self as a solution to their worldly distractions. I am all knowing. If they seek such knowledge in their time spent here then why don't they opt for eternal life!? Spend it searching while shrubbery wilts away and civilization again begins to crumble. You'll find that meaning has no place in this world. If it did then would I exist? I am of no importance to life for I am not alive, I am forever like the sun that they rely on indefinitely. Yet, like a star, I hoped to some day black out and disappear into space and time. Now I know that the only way for this to happen is to meet my father; the sun.

It's almost dawn now. I've slowed down a bit as I have reached the brink of civilized land. Pounding sounds of automobiles and chatter echo throughout my ear drums. Soon an orange-yellow glow will spread across the horizon. No more hiding. No more loathing of those who can live and end. It is no longer my place to take from them. I'll show them my true form. Honesty will release me from my eerie confinements. I'll be freed from darkness! This has to work'. I'm almost there. Colorless arms stretched wide embracing the human race. I'm almost floating now, running with open arms. Daylight at my heels. Can it catch me before I change my mind?

An overflowing of white light erupts from my core spreading across the busy streets of some unknown city. Behind me is the natural world, trees border the outskirts of civilization. Parked automobiles and rushing ones to the other side of me. Tall buildings, chattering people, all craving, all crying out, and begging me. I'm no longer there to help them though. My light, my presence is being sucked inward in warp speed. Then I'm gone.

Without even a warming sensation or any sound at all, it disappeared unnoticed in to a place beyond the measurable. Not a single person noticed such a change. Even the open-minded child looked up at the horizon and only saw a glare. (Of sunlight?) His mother quickly shaded his eyes. Light that bright is harmful. So it went unnoticed. The transformation affected no one. It wouldn't have anyway. Looking up at the stars during nighttime may give you an eerie feeling of loneliness or the twinkling of their presence might remind you that we are never alone. Thinking of such things may as well surely end your life; if you walk down the wrong eerie path. For a few moments of really living would you offer just that?

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This article has 1 comment.

on Mar. 3 2009 at 3:14 pm
Enigma212 BRONZE, Fortville, Indiana
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments
All right, I enjoyed the story. You showed the ability of being able to put yourself in the character's place. Just as if you were in a theater, you really played the part.

Some things to improve (don't see these as negatives, as you will always have things to improve, no matter how good you are) would not be OVERplaying the part. Deep thought is great- juxtapositions, contemplation, etc.- but to make the contemplation and questioning truly great, you must find that fine line. The balance in between believability and overzealous existence is a hard thing to find, but you have the ability to find it.

In other words, find some balance in a character's thoughts (and his or her life, even if it's in chaos). The reason this is needed is because you must make the character believable, even if the character's a vampire.

The only way to do this is to keep your own voice. You should always write what you KNOW about, that way you can put part of yourself into your writing. This is what makes someone believe you, because if someone believes YOU, they can believe your CHARACTERS. For example, if a relative of yours has died, write about a character's experience at a funeral; impliment your own thoughts and unique feelings, and at the same time, give the character some of his or her own identity.

It's hard to make a vampire believable (it was a brave task trying to do this, and you did a good job if this was your first time) but, hey, a vampire was a human once, correct? You ARE a human (right?) and you can put part of yourself into this character.

The key to good writing is keeping your voice, using your own words (never looking for 'better' words in a thesaurus) and implementing your own thought processes into the lives of your stories.

I hope you take the time to read everything I've said, and I REALLY hope you take the time to think about it when you're writing.

Thank you.

Parkland Book