Inner Beauty

February 1, 2009
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I'm to marry a woman that is twenty years older than me. And I'm fine with it. Totally fine with it. In fact, I'm so fine with it that this morning I tried to jump out my bedroom window before my mother caught me and dragged me out of my room by the ear yelling that I would marry the woman whether I liked it or not. Oh yes, life is just wonderful for me right now.
Let me explain, twelve weeks ago my mother was talking with one of her friend about this woman who lived down the street. Well apparently the woman is extremely rich and her husband had just died, leaving her rich and available. All single men in the neighborhood had been ringing the poor woman's doorbell non stop for the past week, hoping to catch her eye and marry into all that dough. Well my mother, being completely and utterly insane, went over to that lady's house in the dead of night and taped a picture of me to her door with a note under it that said, "Please marry me."
I really hate my mother.

I haven't even met the bride yet, with my luck she's probably a wrinkly old hag with a cigarette voice. I shivered in fear as I stood at the alter, if i could run I would have but i felt my mother's eyes plastered on my face and they held me down better than any chains would.
I turned as the wedding march began, and I felt my breath catch in my throat as I saw the most beautiful woman i had ever seen in real life walk up to me. She looked to be about forty but her face was beyond age, and her blond hair waved down her back. Suddenly I looked over to my mother, my eyes were teary with gratitude and i saw that she was smiling widely and shaking with what I assumed was joy.
But the beautiful woman didn't come to stand next to me, she went and stood on the other side, where the bridesmaid would stand. I felt my heart sink slightly, but then I had a happy thought. What if the beautiful woman was my wife's sister? Then they surely must look alike! In fact my wife could be even more beautiful!
But as the woman who would soon become my wife walked towards me in a beautiful white dress, I realized that nothing good ever happens to me.
The woman was worse than my worse case scenario, she was skinny as a skeleton, with eyes that popped out like two green orbs and a giant mole sat boldly atop her beak like nose. I looked over to my mother again and saw that she was shaking harder, and no it wasn't with joy as I had suspected before, but with laughter. That evil woman was laughing as she sold her son off to a troll.
I heard a raspy cough and i turned around to look at the face of my soon to be wife. "Well aren't you going to say 'I do'?" Against my better judgment I did indeed say 'I do' and kissed the bride on her chapped leathery lips. God help me.

"Okay let me get one thing straight,I don't love you, and I do not expect you to love me either." this was the first thing she said when we stepped into her giant white columned house after the wedding.
"What?" I asked, completely shocked. "The only reason I married you is so I can have a son." I felt my face go slightly paler. "C-can you even give birth at you're age?" I managed to stutter out and she glared at me angrily.
"Of course I can! I'm only thirty eight after all." Another shock, she looked more like sixty five. I searched quickly for any excuse to not sleep with the hob goblin that was my wife.
"B-but I can't sleep with someone I don't love!" I wanted to smack myself, was that all I could come up with? But to my surprise she turned thoughtful and eventually answered in her smoker's voice, "Okay, then i will make you fall in love with me." Impossible, i thought to myself but I didn't say anything, let her try, I can go on the rest of my life and never fall in love with her.
Well that's what I thought, but slowly I forgot what she looked like. After a while I couldn't even see her face anymore, just her. And what I saw, underneath the surface was beautiful.
So it wasn't long before I did indeed fall in love with her and consummate our marriage. "You were right," I said looking at her face, and seeing beyond the hideous mole and deep into her pop out eyes, "I really do love you."
It was the first time i truly had said it, even though we had indeed slept together,and were still trying to get pregnant, because i had been to afraid to admit it.
She smiled at me widely and looked me in the eyes, "Well my work here is done." I looked at her in confusion, my smile still plastered on my face. "What?" And she cackled, "You have learned that there is more to life than appearances, now you can continue on in you're life without me."
My smile had now completely disappeared,"What!" I screamed, completely confused. She sighed, "You're mother hired me to fix you, how do you think I got so rich? I fix people's problems, I'm a psychiatrist! You might know me as Minnie Kirk." I recognized the name immediately, she was the shrink that was famous for her unorthodox methods.
"So all this was a sham?" I whispered and she shrugged. "I got some good footage though," and my jaw dropped. "You filmed this?"
"Yep, my husband is editing the film right now for my new talk show, there is some R rated stuff on the film so we'll probably have to cut that out but the rest will stay. You'll be famous! Aren't you happy?" I was not happy, in fact I was the opposite of happy right at that moment and told he so, using some very choice words that i am too ashamed to repeat. Then everything began to get blurry and I opened my eyes.

"Okay so let me get his straight, you had a dream, where you were forced to marry me by you're mother, to learn about inner beauty?" My psychiatrist Minnie Kirk asked me, one eyebrow razed as she listened to the dream I had last night. "Yep." I said grinning and giving her a flirtatious wink, which I had never bothered doing before considering how hideous she was, but after that dream i didn't really think she was ugly at all.
She put her face in her hands for a moment,then said, looking at me wearily "God I need a drink."

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