The Color Of The Inside Of My Mouth This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

January 22, 2009
I wipe at my stupid eyes with the back of my hand, and it startles me for a second that my tears are gray. I dunno why it surprised me; I mean, I buy the s***ty mascara that’s $1.99 in the 20 Items or Less checkout lane. Why spend oodles of green on something I hardly ever use?

I just wanted to look nice, you know? Like those girls who’re just naturally fake pretty. The girls who can blend shades of eyeshadow like no one’s business, and match their lipstick to the exact color of their toenail polish or whatever. Seemingly effortless, yet impeccably coordinated.

This is good stuff, I should write for a living – solely on the subject of beauty queens with superiority complexes, of course.

I just want … God, what do I want? I want to feel the sun on my face and paint the clouds and hear the music in the trees and love myself and love someone else and just feel perpetually beautiful.

But that requires the $14.99 waterproof, fire-retardant, Grade-5-hurricane-resistant mascara, not the tube that’s two bucks in Lane 4.

My shoes are dirty and outdated, but that’s how I like them. I like these shoes. They’re comfortable. Why do I need new, expensive, fashionably appealing shoes in order for someone to say, “Hey dogg, you look nice today”?

And why is it that whenever I get deathly bored and slather cheap, pore-clogging makeup all over my face everyone suddenly says, “Wow, you look pretty!”? Since when is “pretty” about whale blubber and cocoa butter?

I’ll tell you one thing, though. I most definitely am not crying about some stupid XY.

Definitely not.

I’m crying for all the whales that have to give up their fatty insulation so that some fugly anorexic super bitch can paint herself pretty every freaking day, giving him something halfway decent to oggle all the time.

Seriously, I’m not leaking saltwater over a guy.

I just think it’s cruel and unfair that the fat-endowed marine life population doesn’t even get the slightest warning that they’ll soon be on a cosmetics endcap at K-Mart.

He could have at least broken it to me gently, you know? We’ve been friends since the George Bush/Al Gore debacle.

I mean come the Bette Midler on.

I spill my blood, guts, and viscera out to this guy and he throws down the “Let’s just be friends” card without a second thought?

It’s just … it’s common courtesy to ease someone into heartbreak, not smash it over their head like a whiffleball bat.

You know what? I’m going to take my $1.99 checkout Lane 4 mascara and chuck it right at her big, stupid square head.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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This article has 476 comments. Post your own now!

BuckeyeShotZie said...
May 14, 2009 at 2:21 am
LOVE it! I really like the whole shadowing of cause till the end and then breaking it out like that...really great. And ahh if i could afford to not wear makeup life would be paradise :D
booklover28704 said...
May 12, 2009 at 4:48 pm
that was awesome. wow. i loved how you know you kinda covered up about the guy and then like came out w/ the truth. it was great! so true.
Potater24 said...
May 9, 2009 at 9:33 pm
I love this story. i don't see why people spend all their money on stuff that just makes them look fake.
TaylorTravesty said...
May 9, 2009 at 5:42 am
Wow, that was great! It kind of relates to my recent heartbreak! I love reading literature of this nature, and written so nicely too! Great job and, most definitely, keep writing!
RoboGurl said...
May 9, 2009 at 3:13 am
I really love the way you wrote this. At first I thought it was just another story about girls who are affected by the media. The way you transitioned into the boy who broke your heart was brilliant! Love it!
dancing_angel said...
May 8, 2009 at 2:50 am
This is really good I wish more girls were like that. Girls should'nt have to wear tons of makeup and expensive clothing just get compliments and attention.
mmfdg623 said...
May 3, 2009 at 8:27 pm
I love it. The story is amazing.
JessW. said...
May 2, 2009 at 12:46 am
wow. amazing. so realistic. keep writing, ur really good at it.
Jessica B. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 1, 2009 at 12:43 am
I really, really like this! It's so realistically and modernly written. I like cheap mascara too.
megan39 said...
Apr. 29, 2009 at 3:32 pm
AMAZING!!!!!!!! this was so good, and really pasionate
CaptainJenieve This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 28, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Oh man. :)
I wish we had a girl like you at our school.
Too many girls parade around with their fake tans, fake nails, and pounds of makeup on.
allyssa S. said...
Apr. 26, 2009 at 10:43 pm
wow..... love it ! i mean the whole consept is just great and the use of cuss words in this story just gives it a realistic quality.
Chrissy L. said...
Apr. 24, 2009 at 8:37 pm
This is astonishing, and so rawly true.
forever_dancer said...
Apr. 24, 2009 at 1:03 am
wow.... that really is exceptional.. i totally love it,... keep writing
monkeyface replied...
Mar. 5, 2011 at 7:23 pm

i love this so much

it realtes to  my life live you have no idea.

im not popular pretty beautiful i have nothing that all of the so called "popular girls ' have and they are stuck up rude about it too

they say im not good enough to have a bf because i dont have what thay have.

it sucks i know and i lnow how u feel sbout it..well story of my life

ii really like this one guy too and he only wants to be friends but i really wanna be more.

i texted h... (more »)

123XYZ said...
Jul. 15, 2011 at 10:31 am

This is awesome............I espcially like the last line............


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