The Color Of The Inside Of My Mouth This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

January 22, 2009
I wipe at my stupid eyes with the back of my hand, and it startles me for a second that my tears are gray. I dunno why it surprised me; I mean, I buy the s***ty mascara that’s $1.99 in the 20 Items or Less checkout lane. Why spend oodles of green on something I hardly ever use?

I just wanted to look nice, you know? Like those girls who’re just naturally fake pretty. The girls who can blend shades of eyeshadow like no one’s business, and match their lipstick to the exact color of their toenail polish or whatever. Seemingly effortless, yet impeccably coordinated.

This is good stuff, I should write for a living – solely on the subject of beauty queens with superiority complexes, of course.

I just want … God, what do I want? I want to feel the sun on my face and paint the clouds and hear the music in the trees and love myself and love someone else and just feel perpetually beautiful.

But that requires the $14.99 waterproof, fire-retardant, Grade-5-hurricane-resistant mascara, not the tube that’s two bucks in Lane 4.

My shoes are dirty and outdated, but that’s how I like them. I like these shoes. They’re comfortable. Why do I need new, expensive, fashionably appealing shoes in order for someone to say, “Hey dogg, you look nice today”?

And why is it that whenever I get deathly bored and slather cheap, pore-clogging makeup all over my face everyone suddenly says, “Wow, you look pretty!”? Since when is “pretty” about whale blubber and cocoa butter?

I’ll tell you one thing, though. I most definitely am not crying about some stupid XY.

Definitely not.

I’m crying for all the whales that have to give up their fatty insulation so that some fugly anorexic super bitch can paint herself pretty every freaking day, giving him something halfway decent to oggle all the time.

Seriously, I’m not leaking saltwater over a guy.

I just think it’s cruel and unfair that the fat-endowed marine life population doesn’t even get the slightest warning that they’ll soon be on a cosmetics endcap at K-Mart.

He could have at least broken it to me gently, you know? We’ve been friends since the George Bush/Al Gore debacle.

I mean come the Bette Midler on.

I spill my blood, guts, and viscera out to this guy and he throws down the “Let’s just be friends” card without a second thought?

It’s just … it’s common courtesy to ease someone into heartbreak, not smash it over their head like a whiffleball bat.

You know what? I’m going to take my $1.99 checkout Lane 4 mascara and chuck it right at her big, stupid square head.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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This article has 476 comments. Post your own now!

MusIcxjUnkie said...
May 1, 2010 at 9:10 am
I completely loved it. I hadn't found a single person who could relate to a breakup until I read this. And you hit it perfectly. You're a great writer, and this should definitely be published somewhere.
Demon_of_Truth said...
May 1, 2010 at 8:35 am
Wow, that was just . . . wow. You have incedible talent and i think you captured the basic feelings of every girl that doesn't spen half an hour slatherin on make up every morning. Way to go!
PoetLaureate07 said...
Apr. 9, 2010 at 11:07 pm
I LOVED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TALK ABOUT AMAZING.... PLEASE,PLEASE,PLEASE KEEP WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL DEFINITELY CHECK OUT SOME MORE OF YOUR STUFF!!!!!!!!!!! if u cud check out a little of mine, which isn't nearly as great as yours, but i think you might like it.... thanks!!!!!!!!!!!
Avidreaderandwriter said...
Apr. 9, 2010 at 9:32 pm

I love this. Please continue!! I almost feel as if you were describing me!!


dancingdaisies said...
Apr. 9, 2010 at 6:43 pm

its pure beautiful. i cried a little.  it's too true.

they all try too hard with there shorts that could pass for underwear

u say things to cover your true reasons for despare

we deserve better than what they have

emo_nerd951 said...
Apr. 9, 2010 at 6:31 pm
This is sooo true.  I understand the feeling.  This is an amazing piece of writing. keep going!!!!!
Courtney A. said...
Apr. 9, 2010 at 6:21 pm
This is so freakin sweet! I know almost every single girl has felt like this at sometime in their life...well, besides the fake ones. You are fabulous, girl, and need to keep writing...OUT of your journal! Who knows where you can go with this type of talent.
amaranth178 replied...
Apr. 15, 2010 at 2:44 pm
I agree completely with Courtney--good job!
PurpleFeather said...
Apr. 9, 2010 at 3:03 pm
Hahaha! Sooo funny! Girl, i nearly fell off my swivel chair. Your writing style is excellent. So fresh and funny. I mean, most other people would make that sound really boring (since i mean, everyone thinks about these things all the time, right? It ain't new news). But you made it sound interesting. You say you only write like this in your journal? Girl, you need to write like this all the time, honey.
sunsetclimber said...
Apr. 9, 2010 at 1:22 pm
wow.  really good!
^unshed.tears said...
Apr. 9, 2010 at 11:01 am
this is amazing!!!! keep writing, you are really good!!!
fearless13 said...
Apr. 9, 2010 at 8:45 am
This is amazing. Your writing style is brilliant, dripping with sarcasm yet filled with wit and insight. love it!
mcpanicfanic said...
Apr. 9, 2010 at 2:23 am
sidneynicole said...
Mar. 18, 2010 at 10:03 pm
wow i liked this alot it was like... well idk it was jusss so foreal you knw srry if i'm not making any sense
starlight26:) said...
Mar. 18, 2010 at 8:06 pm
Mind blowing poem !!! You said the words that probably every single girl..(except the naturally fake pretty girls) are thinkin every day. You took the words right out of my mouth and wrote them down so perfectly!!! Beautiful article!!! keep writing girl!! U r beautiful for sure.
Phooh said...
Mar. 18, 2010 at 7:46 pm
i love this. We put too much of a price on beauty. what is beauty for me might not be the same for you. this is a piece that goes through every girls mind from one time to another. thank you for posting this! Keep writing!!
nutmeg212 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 18, 2010 at 7:07 pm
this was so good. if this came out of your diary by accident, imagine what could happen on purpose! WOW
Penelope This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 18, 2010 at 6:54 pm
I love this!!!! it's so real but nice and poetic at the same time;) If this is what you do on an off day, then you are spectacular! you have a fan!
ellyn-bo-bellyn_2014 said...
Mar. 18, 2010 at 6:05 pm
i really think that guys are DUMB!
trblue said...
Mar. 18, 2010 at 4:47 pm
that was good and im happy i dont ware make-up. not yet i think
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