The Color Of The Inside Of My Mouth This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

January 22, 2009
I wipe at my stupid eyes with the back of my hand, and it startles me for a second that my tears are gray. I dunno why it surprised me; I mean, I buy the s***ty mascara that’s $1.99 in the 20 Items or Less checkout lane. Why spend oodles of green on something I hardly ever use?

I just wanted to look nice, you know? Like those girls who’re just naturally fake pretty. The girls who can blend shades of eyeshadow like no one’s business, and match their lipstick to the exact color of their toenail polish or whatever. Seemingly effortless, yet impeccably coordinated.

This is good stuff, I should write for a living – solely on the subject of beauty queens with superiority complexes, of course.

I just want … God, what do I want? I want to feel the sun on my face and paint the clouds and hear the music in the trees and love myself and love someone else and just feel perpetually beautiful.

But that requires the $14.99 waterproof, fire-retardant, Grade-5-hurricane-resistant mascara, not the tube that’s two bucks in Lane 4.

My shoes are dirty and outdated, but that’s how I like them. I like these shoes. They’re comfortable. Why do I need new, expensive, fashionably appealing shoes in order for someone to say, “Hey dogg, you look nice today”?

And why is it that whenever I get deathly bored and slather cheap, pore-clogging makeup all over my face everyone suddenly says, “Wow, you look pretty!”? Since when is “pretty” about whale blubber and cocoa butter?

I’ll tell you one thing, though. I most definitely am not crying about some stupid XY.

Definitely not.

I’m crying for all the whales that have to give up their fatty insulation so that some fugly anorexic super bitch can paint herself pretty every freaking day, giving him something halfway decent to oggle all the time.

Seriously, I’m not leaking saltwater over a guy.

I just think it’s cruel and unfair that the fat-endowed marine life population doesn’t even get the slightest warning that they’ll soon be on a cosmetics endcap at K-Mart.

He could have at least broken it to me gently, you know? We’ve been friends since the George Bush/Al Gore debacle.

I mean come the Bette Midler on.

I spill my blood, guts, and viscera out to this guy and he throws down the “Let’s just be friends” card without a second thought?

It’s just … it’s common courtesy to ease someone into heartbreak, not smash it over their head like a whiffleball bat.

You know what? I’m going to take my $1.99 checkout Lane 4 mascara and chuck it right at her big, stupid square head.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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This article has 476 comments. Post your own now!

vbchick17 said...
Jul. 6, 2010 at 3:04 pm
I completely get what it is saying. You write very well. If only life was so clear...
. said...
Jul. 6, 2010 at 1:20 pm
great way of talking about your love life, the snobbs at your school, and adding in love for the marine animals out there. i like this story it makes readers want to read more about your thoughts and feelings of a teenagers life. i know how you feel too about the whole eye liner mascara thing, guys like girls with an inch of eye liner on their lids and 3 inch long eye laches that are super dark or colorful. i hate it when girls at school are like "do you have any cover up or black eye liner i co... (more »)
WritingLoverForever said...
Jul. 6, 2010 at 8:21 am
I really love this. Your perspective is unique and your writing style is very gripping. If you don't mind, please check out some of my work?
Kgirl This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 5, 2010 at 12:37 pm
I really like it.  It gave me the feeling I get when I'm reading a Laurie Halse Anderson book: very real, very blunt, and like a no-beating-around-the bush-tell-it-to-you-straight kind of thing.  Please comment on mine!!
blueberrybird2_8 said...
Jul. 2, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Wow! you really capture how I feel about girls who wear too much makeup, and you're right, a girl can be very pretty without having to wear so much makeup.
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 1, 2010 at 3:03 pm

This was completely fabulous, so matter-of-fact, so obvious yet subtle.  Wonderful writing style, very catching.  Excellent job.  Keep writing!

Btw, anyone who sees this, will you check out and comment on my work?

a.m.f said...
Jun. 16, 2010 at 6:44 pm
I like it! I love how it's so intense and flooded with emotions. Uh, and if you have time, please check out my story, Scratching Stones. I have two 5 star ratings, but I need some criticizing! Thank you!
xericaclairex said...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 9:32 pm
I absolutely love this. I love how she's contradicting herself and trying to to really let out what happened. Keep writing, you've got talent!:D
laraelizabeth This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 9:13 pm
This is incredible; I can really relate but I couldn't ever put my emotions into words better than this. Please please keep writing; I've read some of your other works and they're all fantastic.
kysh15 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 6:35 pm
love it! its so raw and emotional. i love your writing style! check out my stuff?
Acumichi23 said...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 5:19 pm
this is a very well written story. I can jsut hear someone thinking this to themselves; it's so real and the best fiction story i've read so far. ^_^ 
JessieBecker said...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 4:15 pm

i like this a lot(:

check my work out pleasseeee(: <3

mkgirl395 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 11:43 am
Your writing is so raw. That's gonna get you places in the future. It sounds just like you're talking to a best friend. 
ArielPaige said...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 9:46 am
Oh my word this is just amazing. I never usually comment on writings, but this is just so great!
shywriter said...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 1:25 am
It made a lot of sense. I like your style of handwriting.  How you feel bad for the whales or how you're sick of the fashion of makeup and still manage to try to convince yourself that you don't care about the breakup. Very nice work
XAmberKiidx replied...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 9:34 am
this is really great! i can see past and byond the things other people read about this and i can see other meanings that u might have out there, and hun no matter who you are and what you look like, were all people and your beautiful no matter what. we all have things to escape to and writing these poems are just one small part of the many qualities you have. i dont even know you and i see that by this one poem, theres somthing small i can connect between u and I. and im not propper at all.... (more »)
EmmaRose said...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 12:50 am
You have a magnificantly unique style of writing.This piece is great, it shows you have raw talent. Keep up the good work :)
KiraS. said...
Jun. 11, 2010 at 8:11 pm
i like it a lot. really good.
Vanessa1420 said...
Jun. 7, 2010 at 11:06 am
So amazing!!! I especially like the last line. That entire piece was just refreshing, and I needed that. Keep writing!!!!
MoonlightAngelx0 said...
May 31, 2010 at 9:44 pm
So real.  Amazing.
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