7AM Saturday

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It was 7AM and Joe's alarm went off like it was supposed to five days of the week. However, this was the sixth day and the alarm was most definitely not supposed to sound. Upon waking up to the authoritative demand of the alarm he shut it off and crawled back into bed. Unfortunately, Joe was the type of guy that once woken could not get back to sleep if his life depended on it. What a terrible start to the best day of the week; Saturday.

Not surprisingly at 7AM on a Saturday there is not a whole lot of quality shows on television. As Joe turned on the TV the channel was tuned into NBC where he had been watching The Jay Leno Show the night before. However, this morning it was not the face of Mr. Leno it was the overly enthusiastic morning people of the Today Show. The intolerable Matt Lauer was interviewing a Miss Johansen about how she has paramount methods to making sure 'your kids hang out with the right crowd.' All of a sudden that was a science? It seemed to Joe that any middle-aged woman with a child who didn't completely go awry could write a book about it and end up on some talk show ranting about parenthood. The Today Show was not going to cut it.

He knew that the reliable SportsCenter would be on but it was no use to watch it. Having watched the same episode at around midnight he could recite the play-by-play analysis and that took the excitement of the show away. Paid programming took up about half of the other channels so he shut the TV off and sat. Looking around he realized he was in a war against the Saturday morning world and he needed a way out.

What is there to do on a Saturday morning? You can't go back to watching Miss Percocet talk about her golden child so think. What in the world can I do? After intense deliberation he concurred, with himself, that the best thing to do would be to pop a squat at the table and eat. Decisively he walked to the cupboard and grabbed Cap'n Crunch Peanut Butter Blast. As he was lifting the cereal box up and towards his bowl he realized that the weight of it meant only one thing; there was only enough for about a half of a bowl of cereal. So, instead of finishing it off he did what every person would do and he put it back in the cupboard for the next time he would want cereal. Then, he would repeat the process until his mother bought a new box of Cap'n Crunch and then he would use that new stock to complete the bowl of his old cereal. It's a long, grueling process.

The Wheaties box proved more satisfying as it hadn't even been opened yet. He poured the brown, delicious looking flakes into his bowl and basked in the amazement. This is what Saturday morning is all about, he thought. Realizing that only one more step remained to complete his feast he turned around, opened the refrigerator and reached for the milk. The milk, however, was K.I.A. the night prior by his little brother who ironically also had Cap'n Crunch.

As the pain of the realization that his Saturday morning would be the longest of his life a strange feeling came over Joe. His cell phone was ringing. He couldn't figure out who would call on a Saturday morning. Joe checked his phone but nobody was calling. What is that sound? It got louder and louder until his eyes snapped open and a sense of relief dawned over him.

'Thank God, it was only a dream,' he said while yawning. But when he got up he faced the source of the sound; the glowing orange spirit of the alarm clock read 7AM. He rushed to the TV and turned it on. The Today Show crew greeted him with nothing but smiles. Joe was going to have a terrible Saturday morning.





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